Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I had been working on a big long post with lots to say. It was in depth and maybe even a little interesting. But that doesn't matter. All that needs to be said is this,

God will be there to take care of you when you need him.

Monday, December 28, 2009

A week in the life

So I only took one real vacation in 09, which sucks and vow to take more next year. So my vacation this year consisted of going to Busch Gardens and then spending a week at the Outer Banks in North Carolina.

This is was my first time at Busch Gardens and it was awesome. I love roller coasters and Busch Gardens has some good ones. I got a little sick near the end of the day from dehydration but still has a good time.

Next day we drove down to the OBX and the house we were staying at. Spent the week walking along the beach, doing some reading (although not enough reading). I went and saw Terminator Salvation that week. To be honest I'm not completely sure how I passed most of my time that week. I rode a bike for the first time in many many years. I watched the Cleveland Cavs get knocked out the playoffs, which was exciting because I can't stand Lebron James.

I remember the drive home because I drove my brothers car and had to pee so badly I was near the brink of tears when we finally stopped.

It was a good week.

The beach

See, I did ride a bike.

My family at Busch Gardens

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I Celebrate the Day

I wouldn't go so far to say it's my favorite Christmas song but it's the one that has the most meaning to me. It's "I Celebrate the Day" by Relient K. I can't sing this song without getting choked up.

"With this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know
How much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me
In the exact same place as New Year's Eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less that half as close as I want to be

And the first time that You opened Your eyes
Did you realize that You would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever?

And so this Christmas I'll compare
The things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that
What You did
That You were born so I might really live
To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me

And I,
I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day
Pray for you to save my life"

Last Minutes with ODEN

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

More Dead Than Alive (Get Away from the Medicine)

I recently finished reading Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts. There's a statement at the end of the book that I really like and it fits with my current state of spiritual thought. He said;

"You feel like life is always leading up to something, but it isn't. I mean life is just life. It's all happening right now, and we aren't going to be any more complete a month from now than we are now. I only say this because I am trying to appreciate everything tonight."

I feel like the idea of perfection is a false christian dream that is instilled in us and some of us torture ourselves for years trying to be who God wants us to be and worrying about all the stars lining up and we miss out on life. And missing out on life sucks. I know I've wasted too much time trying to get my life in order and honestly, my life isn't in order and I don't think it will ever fully be in order and I don't think God wants my life to be in order. because when things start to line up and life seems to be taking shape nicely I put God on the back burner and that's a terrible place to put God.

I had a goal this year to do just do more stuff and to live life and you know what, I failed. I spent a lot of time worrying about things and not doing anything to change them. I spent too much time trying to make sure my relationship worked instead of just enjoy it and enjoy her being my girlfriend. I spent too much time bitching about my job and half-heartedly finding finding a new one instead of just enjoying the moments that were good or moving on and trusting God to take of me. I spent too much time thinking about how poor my relationship with God was instead of just being in relationship with him.

Things in life don't have to be perfect for life to be good and enjoy. My life doesn't have to be figured out for me to be happy. I wish I lived that way. I don't.

Mark Batterson always says "Your focus determines your reality." I love that statement. I have it posted on my computers, at work and home. I'm trying to hold onto that.

My life isn't nearly as bad as I think it is. Life is actually pretty good. And even though I'm far from perfect and far from where I know God would like me to be I know he can still use me.

Life is a story. Life is journey. Life is meant to be lived.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Thundersnow 09 Pictures

I just need to figure out... Thundersnow continues

And the snow continues to fall here in our nations capital and the surrounding areas. It's kind of nuts. The car parked next to mine might not get out until June. It's crazy outside. I haven't left the comfort of my house today (unless you count the brief trip onto the balcony to take a picture).

I've been extremely lazy today. I ran this morning but we won't count that. I've sat on my couch and watched season 2 of How I Met Your Mother. An enjoyable show. If you've never seen the show but are planning to check it out you should stop reading because I'm about to drop a spoiler.

So season 2 picks up where season 1 left off. Where Lily breaks up with marshall (and even though I saw it coming, I felt extremely bad for poor Marshall when I got to the end of season 1). But in season 2 before she leaves she drops this line;

"I just need to figure out who I am outside of us and I can't do that while I'm with you."

Ok, that's not a direct quote but it gets the point across of what transpired in that scene and it's basically what she said.

Anyway, the point being it was a flash of deja vu. That was the reason for my break up a little over a month ago. Again, I felt terrible for poor Marshall. It sucked. Those words come back and hurt. It sucks. Anyway, things work out much better for Lily and Marshall then they have for me (they get back together and are getting married. I haven't finished the season yet).

I need my own Lily...

Snow Day!

It's snowing. I love watching the snow fall. Just looking out the window and watching the world around become white. Watching neighbors try to dig their way out. A Major snowfall the last weekend before Christmas seems like a bit of an inconvenience but it's still nice to have this much snow with the possibility that there could still be some snow on the ground on Christmas morning (and the snow at my parents house doesn't melt like it should so this could happen).

I'm not sure there's anything more calming and beautiful then watching snow fall. I love it.

Monday, December 14, 2009


You ever here a song and ignore it's lyrical content because the beauty of the song captures you and you find yourself just enjoying the song.

So Rosie Thomas does a cover of River on her christmas album. It's gorgeous. Just a beautiful song on a great album. I love the song. I love listening to the song.

Sixpence None the Richer also has a version of the song on their x-mas album and.. I'm not really a fan. The arrangement isn't as nice and pleasing to my ears. But listening to their version in the car this afternoon, I got to listen to the words and it's sad. The song made me sad.

It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry

He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I made my baby say goodbye

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Morning thoughts

So I had a dream last night where I was in my mid 50's and was all alone. No wife, no kids. Just me. It was very sad.

It gets me thinking. God said in Genesis that it's not good for man to be alone and brought Eve to Adam and from their we have the ideal of marriage and relationship and all that fine wine.

But I think people of the bible believing faith tend to forget is Paul's word to the fine folks at Corinth. You know, the part where he says it'd be better if we had more self-control and could fully commit ourselves to the cause of Christ because when we're married our time, energy, focus is split. It presents an interesting argument that is never argued or discussed. Of course Paul does say if you're horny and can't control yourself to go ahead and get married. Is the church full of super horny people?

My intent isn't to be crude or make light of things written in the bible. But it makes me think a little. And it brings up two thoughts, one of which I've had for a while and one that is new to me.

First comes my thought that Paul's letter's are awesome but they are Paul's letters and his writing and thoughts. It's the word of man inspired by God.

Secondly is the thought that maybe the idea of it not being good for man to be alone has nothing to with marriage at all. Maybe it has more to do with community and relationship with fellow believers and nothing to do with marriage at all.


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Patton will release stuff in 2010

I started work on a song today for a split ep I'm going to put out with DJ Wiil. It's different. It moves away from the more ambient sound that Echo Broke Alone is known for and is very post-rock. It reminds me Mono, and I've been listening to Mono lately so...

The good thing with this split is I have 2 tracks already done and will be able to just add this one. I'm hoping to get the ep out for download in January. I'm also hoping to have the Echo Broke Alone full-length, My Heart to Heaven, out sometime in January or February.

Musically I'd like to work on a pop record, something along the lines of Frank Lenz, Richard Swift, Pony Express. Just put together some solid songs. I have nothing written yet but the ideas are there. I probably need to get a bigger keyboard.

I also want to release a spoken word album of me reading my poetry. Sounds exciting right?

I also want to record your band... Please?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Christmas Time is Here

Watching A Charlie Brown Christmas is a great joy of mine and something I look forward to every holiday season. I'm still surprised they even show it on ABC every year. I mean, I figured enough complaints would've been made to get it off the air. I love it but it's Scripture reading and giving the birth of Jesus as the true meaning of Christmas doesn't really fit with the modern culture of America. But I'm glad it's on, even if the bastards at ABC edited it shorter so I could watch more useless commercials. You can't win everything.

The Weight

This is probably my favorite song from Thrice's latest album Beggars.

There's many who'll tell you they'll give you their love,
But when they say "give" they mean "take."
They"ll hang 'round just like vultures till push comes to shove.
They'll take flight when the earth starts to shake.

Someone may say that they'll always be true,
Then slip out the door 'fore the dawn.
But I won't leave you hanging on.
Another may stay till they find someone new,
Then before you know they'll be gone.
But I won't leave you hanging on;
No, I won't be that someone.

And come what may, I won't abandon you or leave you behind
Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment.
And come what may, I will be standing right here by your side;
I won't run away, though the storm's getting worse and there's no end in sight.

Some talk of destiny, others of fate,
But soon they'll be saying goodbye.
But I won't leave you high and dry.
Because a ring don't mean nothing
If you can't haul the weight,
And some of them won't even try,
But I won't leave you high and dry;
I won't leave you wondering why.

And storms will surely come,
But true love is a choice you must make
And you're the one that I have set my heart to choose.
As long as I live, I swear I'll see this through.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Saturday night is nice

I did venture out of the house. Went to church. Good stuff.

Watching the Capitals take it to the Philadelphia Flyers. 7-1 and the third period just started. About to flip it over to Ultimate Fighter finale. Love some UFC. I hope there's some good fights tonight.

Here's to a good night. I'm going to enjoy hockey, mma, and some eggnog and rum.

Snow is Falling

The first snowfall of the season is happening right now. Only a couple inches and the it seems like main road driving conditions seem fine but to be able to look out the window and see it snowing is exciting. If only it would snow on Christmas... That would be pretty freaking sweet.

And although my love for the snow is very high, it makes me want to do absolutely nothing. I just want to sit around, drink eggnog, and watch movies. Which sounds like a pleasant Saturday. I should go to church... But involves driving and/or taking the train (which is rocking it's never popular and always inconvenient track scheduled track maintenance, which is cause delays which I hate so very much).

The idea of staying home and watching Humphrey Bogart movies until the Caps play tonight seems like a great idea.

I love snow.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Why So Serious...

You ever have a moment where you think or say something and then a light clicks and you realize you have a problem? I had one of those this morning. It disturbed me and made me curious.

Situation goes a little something like this; I was driving to work, drinking my coffee, listening to Max Richter, you know, standard Monday thru Friday ordeal. And then I see it... the bumper sticker that made me sigh. You know the slightly disgusted sigh. Too be honest almost all bumper stickers make me sigh that sigh but this morning was different. This bumper sticker said....

"Couple for Christ"

Why did this bumper sticker rub me the wrong way... I'm not entirely sure. I mean... I would consider myself a follower of Christ or what's more commonly called a Christian. And this sticker is way less offensive then other stickers, t-shirts, books, sermons, etc... So why this sticker, this morning?

Instantly this got me thinking as to why I had been rubbed the wrong way by such a simple little phrase that affects my world not at all. But I was disturbed and have to face the fact that I'm bitter towards Christianity as a culture. I mean I already knew this and I've been very outspoken against certain aspects and I have come down very hard on capitalizing in the name of Christ. But to sigh in disgust at a bumper sticker that says couples for christ?

I have a problem. I'm sorry.

Too long for twitter

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go,for to you I lift up my soul.

Psalm 143:8

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Time is Limited... So I choose tv

There are only so many hours between the time I get home from work and when I'd like to go to bed. And since running, dinner, and the evening shower take up 2 hours of my evening.

Side note: I understand this is pathetic.

I spent some time working on music this evening which is always a good use of time. So I've decided to spend a little time watching season 2 of The Big Bang Theory. A very funny show and I enjoy it. I should probably spend some time reviewing some records for my site or writing some poetry for my other blog. I want to finish reading Through Painted Deserts so I can start the new Donald Miller book. But... instead I wanted to watch some television.

Not a real productive life I live.

Monday, November 30, 2009

In Memory of...

I was going to blog about getting a new cat. Her name was Juliette. I was excited. But I believe one of the curses' that came with the fall of man and entrance of sin is that humankind is dumb. That being said... I am no longer the proud owner of Juliette the kitten.

Life is cruel. God is Good!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Christmas Time is Here

Sometimes you hear a song that takes you back to a certain place in time or moment of your life. This morning was no different... well sort of.

It's been a rainy couple of days here in the Washington Metro area and to help lift my tired spirit I put in the greatest holiday album of all time, Vince Guaraldi's A Charlie Brown Christmas. Great album. The song Christmas Time is Here came on and instantly one thought came to mind from the greatest show to ever be on television.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Turmoil of a Fan

Winning is awesome. It feels great and everyone loves winning. No one likes to lose.

Here in DC we have a bunch of losing teams. None more heartbreaking then the Redskins. I've grown up a die hard Redskins fan. I remember watching them win the Superbowl. Those were much better times. We've become the laughing stock of the NFL. We had the terrible Norv Turner years, A year of some promise, followed by Steve Spurrier, Joe Gibbs 2, and now the laughably tragic Jim Zorn. The out of control free agent spending is so old and unwelcome to Skins fan. What works for the Yankees has not worked for the Skins and does not work in football.

Last year the Wizards were a terrible disappointment and one of the worst teams in the NBA. I'm not a huge NBA fan but I follow the Wizards some. It eases the pain a little that I do cheer for Kobe and the Lakers.

Luckily when I was young I had picked the Braves as the baseball team I liked after the strike and that has worked out well. I got to see a World Series win and a couple appearances. They struggled slightly over the last couple of years but they were strong this past season and I'm hoping for a strong push in Bobby Cox's last year.

The Washington Capitals are the pride and joy of DC. 2 straight playoff appearances and the best player in the NHL. They haven't gotten off to as nice a start this year as they did last year but hopes are still high that the Stanley Cup will be in DC and the Great 8 will be a 3 time mvp.

The problem is football is the greatest sport in the entire world and the Redskins are terrible. And I'm at a point where I don't want them to win another game for the rest of they year because they need to clean house. Having said that, come Sunday I'll be wearing my jersey and rooting for the Skins hoping for a win and enjoying one if it happens to come. At this point no big name coach or overpaid, superstar free agent signing will help heal the wounds inflicted this year. The Skins need to fire Vinny and get a good GM to pick the coach and players. I will be ok with a losing year or two if the team is at least moving in the right direction. But if they don't fire Vinny then nothing will have changed and what's the point. I can only imagine the mild hope Lions fans had last year when Matt Millen was axed. I rooted for the Lions to go 0-16 last year because how often are we going to see winless team? But credit to the fans who stuck with the team. Real fans are watching and going to games no matter how pathetic your team is. And I'm not different. Win or lose, I'll be wearing my Skins jersey and cheering for my team.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Great Beard Debate

So it's another round of should I or shouldn't I grow a beard. It's a question I ask every couple of months and last time this came about the idea lasted a week and a half. Normally I go a week without shaving and then the idea of having facial hair is done.

Growing a beard used to not be an issue. During the college years the beard was a staple on my face from September to February. 2006 was the last time I had a beard and that was for a brief month long period. And although the idea has entered my brain many times, the act has not happened. I didn't even grow a playoff beard last year during the Caps run to the Cup (which is totally going to happen this year).

I don't know what the problem is. I just don't seem to have it in me to go through the process of growing a beard. I also don't grow the worlds most awesome beard. Certain people shouldn't grow beards because their beards look terrible. I feel the mine looks terrible. It's been years since I've grown one but it's not the most even beard. But I'd like to have a beard. I'd love to grow one... I just don't want to take the time to grow one.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Be Somebody

I'm back. Not blogging for over a month was good... I think what is to be taken from my fast will be seen more post fast and things are happening. But that's not the point really.

And the reason for coming back to the blog world now is very simple, a church sign read while driving into work this morning. I've been known to throw ire towards churches with poor taste in weekly slogan or inspirational words. And it read...

Don't try to be someone, be someone of value.

Instantly the switch was flipped and I was angered. Because I understand the point and even the reasoning behind the words on the front of this church but... you can't put a statement out on your church for the entire passing public to see.

If God knew each of us in our mothers womb and we were created in his image and he loves us all, no matter what, then aren't we all a person of value? The idea of being someone with no value is very disheartening to me. There are people who already feel they have no value and are worthless and feel like their life is a mistake. I can understand the idea of being someone of value within the church and for the kingdom of God... but when I read that sign as I'm driving to work at 6:15 in the morning, it upsets me.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Gone Fishing

Posted this in the wrong blog.

So for the next 30 days while I'm fasting I'm going to shut this blog down. I use this blog as a way to express myself and views and thoughts and stuff but I need to be sharing what's going on with the people around me and have someone to actual keep me accountable to things I might want to do.

So have a good August.

Monday, July 27, 2009

I Know - I Just Don't Care

This blog has no meaning or significance to anyone that's not me(this post, not the blog as a whole). Today I made a discovery and I am not sure why I hadn't thought of this before. I decided last night before I went to bed to set the coffee pot up for this morning. So out of my shower I could turn it on and when I was dressed I could just fill up my travel mug and have coffee as I leave the house. Great idea. And now I slap myself on the forehead and say duh! Why had I not done or thought of this before? Am I that dumb? This will save me money on coffee. This is great!


Thursday, July 23, 2009


So Carley complained that I haven't blogged in a while and I mention I was going to blog last night but things change and my frame of mind isn't in the same place to blog about what I was going to the other night.

I've moved out of being angry and bitter and into reform. Mostly of myself. I had some ideas of things I wanted to see happening this summer. Just putting some of my creative nature to use and just not wasting so much time. I had ideas of writing al lot more poetry/music/blogs. I was going to take pictures and fast and various things.

Of course not all of those things were going to happen at once. I'm not a waterfall of creativity. But I was all about flexing some creative muscles and expanding my skills and ideas. Alas it's almost August and I've done nothing. I've worked on some music and written a handful of poems and interesting blogs. I took a bunch of pictures at my parents house one day. I haven't fasted.

Not that any one of these things (with the exception of fasting) is a spiritual principle but each in a way affects my perspective and spiritual life and if I'm not being creative consistently and outputting something then my life feels empty.

So I hope to have August be a month that gets me into a creative routine.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Life Happens, This Blog sometimes doesn't

Spent this afternoon hanging out with a friend and thus have less time then I want to post something useful. Tomorrow I will devote time to blog about something that's on my mind.

Monday, July 13, 2009


"Oh, but mother, I've got vices like any other man
Vices that you're not used to
Vices that'll make you think less of me"

So I've been thinking about vices lately. Not like today well running, just more on and off for a month or so. And not really anything in particular just a general thought about having vices. Smoking, drinking, eating, exercise, shopping, etc..

And I don't really have anything much to say. Some vices are more frowned upon then others. I think sometimes we have vices we're not even aware of. I know I have vices. Some are weird quirks but they're vices none-the-less. And I hate how we look down on people because of things we deem as problems with their lives. We look down on smokers, on alcoholics , drug users. But things like shopping, or fashion, or extreme exercise we mostly ignore. And I think because certain things don't pertain to health, or law, or morality we don't look upon them as vices but these are still things that hold us down and keep us from being our best.

I have habits and thought processes that I'm trying to deal with and move past to become a better person. I think vices keep us focused on ourselves, rendering it hard to love those around us.

"Oh, but Jesus, I've got vices like any other man
Vices that you're so used to
Vices that won't make you think less of me"

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Is This Goodbye

Is anyone else a little baffled that it's July already? It's kind of just here. Like we're in the midst of summer and I'd yet to take notice. Ah well.

My brain will go to weird places and weird thoughts at weird times. Thus this post. I had a thought when I was on the treadmill.

I was thinking about all the cool black and white photos at my parents and grand parents house. All the cool old photos of my family framed around the house. These are what exist on walls and on coffee tables in grandparents and parent's houses across the country. Pictures of grandfathers working on there cars, of grandparents at the beach together, old wedding photos, etc...

And this was my thought... Will my grandkids have those photos around their house one day? Will I? Don't get me wrong, I love my digital camera. Being able to delete a crappy picture without having to waste film is awesome. But what about that framed picture capturing a memory of yesteryear?

Maybe I'm the minority. Social networking is great. Being able to see pictures and read about what's happening in my friends lives is great. Being able to to stay in contact with people is amazing. I know without facebook there are good friends whom I would never ever talk to. People move, life moves on. With facebook and twitter I can stay in contact with people and see what's happening with them. It's great.

And I know that people print their pictures and frame them (I know I do with mine). But the idea that one day there will be houses without walls of pictures of their family, past and current. That the volumes of albums containing embarrassing picture after embarrassing picture will be no more makes me a little sad.

Yes I love old polaroids and old black and white pictures and so this might be coming from my super biased opinion but it's my blog.

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Sometimes I'm stricken with strange ideas. And my poor wallet combined with a conversation about iphones has led me to this one.

If you're a christian who had an iphone 3g and just bought an iphone 3gs you should be ashamed of yourself. Did you need to spend that money for video? Really???? I believe God will bless people monitairly but to use that blessing to buy a new version of the iphone instead of using it to help God's children in need? I hate the idea of God has blessed me so much, look at how rich I am. It upsets me. And I'm not innocent of this. I go to Best Buy and look at dvds to buy when I know at home I have tons of movies I have never watched. And yet I continue to consume.

I don't think we need to just pay our bills, but our groceries and the rest of our money needs to go to helping the poor, or to missions, or to someone in need, but I think we need to be smarter spenders. The government is saying we need to spend our money to stimulate the economy but what about stimulating God's economy? What about making investments in things that will last for all eternity? My goal is to be smarter with my money. To have money available so I can help others. I want to use my money for good, not for myself.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Saturday, June 20, 2009

A Fault Line A Fault Of Mine

I'm in desperate need of God. Which is such a weird statement because we're all in desperate need of God and because I'm saved, I already have God. I guess the point is I have a desperate desire to be closer still to God. I think we all have various moments at various times where life seems to have lost meaning or purpose or focus or just desire, where we say God my life is stuck in such a rut and I need you so much closer. Because when God is closer, my perspective changes.

One of the most profound statements in the bible for me is when Paul said "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing" in Romans(7:19). He says that is the evil within him that keeps him sinning. I feel like this is true in my life, and I don't use this as an excuse or justification for sinning but as a statement that my I so desperately want to do what is good but I don't. And I'm trying really hard... but I fail. It's so much easier sometimes just to give in and sin.

I'm going to start reading Job. I love Job. Job is my favorite person in the bible. I led a summer bible study on the book of Job. I preached a sermon to junior kids on what we can learn from Job. Job is a complex book of the bible, he was a complex guy. The basics of Job is known. God tells Satan that he can do anything to Job without killing him and Job will not curse God's name. Satan takes the bet and kills all of Job's livestock, children, and stuff. He gives Job a terrible disease and yet despite all of that Job does not curse God. And at the end God blessed Job with all his stuff and more.

But the middle of the book of Job is where the story is. Job's friends show up and plead with him to repent of whatever sin he has committed and Job defends is innocence before God and pleads with God to show him the error in his ways. This happens for days and then God shows up. And Job sees that he is nothing and knows nothing about God and silences himself before the greatness of God. Job states that he is nothing and has already said too much and has nothing more to say. He says "I had heard of you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said and sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance"(Job 42:5-6).

I know nothing of God. What I know is that I keep breaking his heart and yet he will still forgive and love me. I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I've been meanings to post this for a couple of days but I haven't had a chance so here we go.

I was on youtube the ohter day (as I often am) and I found some live footage of Training for Utopia (who is a great band). I was enjoying the wondeful sounds of the great TFU and started to read the couple of comments posted. Of course there was a "conversation" going on that started with this simple statement... "Christian Metal is a sin". And all I could say was "Really"! There is a movie coming out about the history of Christian Rock called Bleed Into One and it goes into this whole idea of "christian music" being evil and I can't wait for this film. Anyway... that simple post combined with a story I read a couple of weeks ago about a kid who was going to get suspended from his christian high school for going to prom at his girlfriends public school because dancing is wrong got me thinking.

How are we still at a point where dancing and music of certain genres (pr at all) are considered evil and/or a sin. Can music be evil, sure. Can dancing be sinful, sure. But to put out blanket statements like "Christian" metal is evil is so beyond me. I mean to be fair I do love metal... And I love dancing... But I also love God and Jesus. I've never felt like listening to christian metal made me more sinful or evil. I've never felt like my dancing was a sin. David danced. A bunch of the psalms are written as songs. I don't think David ever danced to Lil Wayne but that's not the point.

My point is that I hate when people make things Christian vs Secular. I hate when people make a cheap imitation christian version of something secular. There was a period when it seemed like the only christian music being released was cheap, lackluster, christian versions of whatever bands were popular in the mainstream and it was bullshit. I think things are a lot better now. The bands coming out worth giving a listen to are still around and the quality of bands that have been making waves in music as a whole have been great and greatly improved and are no longer bringing the world more crappy christian music for youth group kids to suckle on. But I digress...

God loves us so much! He sent his son to die for us. The bible is full of things that break God's heart. It's full of things that we do that hurt him so deeply. And because of that I have such a hard time saying that a form of music or expression on hit's own can be considered evil or sinful. If a christian dances or plays metal and is doing so to bring glory to God, isn't that considered worship? If we're called to worship God in everything we do, with everything that we are, isn't the moment we do something as an act or expression of love to God to be considered worship and seen as holy and worthy?

I want to love God with all that I am and with everything that I am and with everything that I do, be it poetry, dancing, heavy metal suck, tattoos, making coffee, whatever. The aim is to bring and give glory to God. And as long as my heart in trying to accomplish that then who cares what the expression is?

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Thanks God for Rock and Roll Moms and Dads

Lazy Saturdays are always better then Saturdays where I have stuff to do. We all know this is true. I rolled out of bed at 10:30, took a morning run, ate a bowl of Golden Grahams, drank a cup of coffee, and am working on some mix cds for my parents.

Making mix cd's is a joy I have. I can't really explain it but together a collection of a dozen songs or so into a mix for someone to enjoy just makes me happy. Making these cd's for my parents is fun. Music they'd enjoy but also seeing how cool my parents taste in music can be. For my mom it's pretty straight forward. Mid to late 90's christian rock. Bands like Skillet, Five Iron Frenzy, The Supertones, Out of Eden, Bleach and the like. My dad is a little more complex and fun.

All my best memories from high school are going to concerts with my dad. Going to see P.O.D., Blindside, Squad Five-O, Zao, .rod laver, Stavesacre, Pigeon John, Purple Door Fest. Putting together a mix for my dad is going completely across the christian music spectrum and I'm loving it. From old school bands like Daniel Amos, LSU, Alter Boys to bands like P.O.D., Stavesacre, MxPx, Grammatrain, and Blindside. I like that I could put either of parent's mixes in my car and enjoy every song. Really thankful that God blessed me with pretty cool parents.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Sad news out of DC this afternoon with a shooting that happened at the Holocaust Museum. It's just so heart breaking that something so senseless can happen. That someone can harbor so much hate towards a race or religion that they would go forth and kill people, innocent people. Life is meant for so much and to have this kind of hate just boggles my mind. I sincerely send my prayers to the family of the security guard who lost his life today.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Update on usage

To anyone who reads this little blog and is wondering how to get to previous entries, I'm about to fill you in. Go to the links page and click on the month of musings you care to read. Once you that you need to go back into the journal section. And there you go.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


First off, thanks to my wonderful girlfriend Carley for updating the look of this site. You're amazing.

Very sad though to hear that David Carradine passed today. I loved Kung-Fu and I thought he was fantasic in Kill Bill.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Take me by the hand;
it's so easy for you, Angel,
for you are the road
even while being immobile.

You see, I'm scared no one
here will look for me again;
I couldn't make use of
whatever was given,

so they abandoned me.
At first the solitude
charmed me like a prelude,
but so much music wounded me.

by Rainer Maria Rilke

Monday, June 1, 2009

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

So my alarm went off at 5:00 am as it does on every Monday morning and it was painful (also like every Monday). Not sleeping well last night didn't help the fact that I hadn't seen that early in the morning in over a week. I was not ready to go back to work this morning.

At lunch I went to Safeway and they didn't have any of the soups out that I enjoy so I decided to try something new... Not good. I don't remember what it was but the cheese was overpowering the taste. I should've gotten the chilli (or just walked down to Baja and gotten tacos).

Then our paychecks didn't come in before I left. Total bummer.

My roommate turned the ac off today... It's hot in here.

Today has not been easy.

Sunday, May 31, 2009


Game 2 tonight. I'm looking forward to the Wings taking a 2-0 series lead in Pittsburgh.

I'm not sure I really want to talk about the lowest form of music every created (so far) because I will just become angry and there is a chance someone comes along, reads my post, listens to a song, and falls in love with music that I can only describe as utter shit. So I won't. If you do read this and happen to like the new wave of screamo/crunk/pop/fashioncore/douchescene music... I feel very sorry for you.

Instead I want to talk about an album that I really don't give enough credit as to how influential it was in my life. The OC Supertones second album "Supertones Strike Back". That's right ska! I was obsessed with this album and the Supertones (which ended very quickly with the release of Chase the Sun and my discovery of hardcore). I loved this album. I Love this album. If played at this very moment I will jump and start skankin. The lyrics now seem mildly corny and it's a very christian album and band but musically it's great. It's good ska. I will let the music speak for itself.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Some Kind of Zombie

So much for posting more right? I was on vacation last week and was going to post on why music in many forms is slowly turning into one big pile of hot steaming poo. But I didn't That will come later when my musical mind is not in a weird time warp.

While walking to the beach I this week I started singing "Some Kind of Zombie" by Audio Adrenaline. I have not heard this song in... years. Many years. Probably ten years. So that led me to finding the video on youtube. My mom overheard and thus began a conversation about going to Creation festival and the bands from my junior high days.

Anyway, currently watching both the NBA Eastern Confernce Finals (Magic have this in the bag and I couldn't be happier!) and The Stanley Cup Game 1 ( cheering on the Red Wings, who are going to take game 1).

Monday, May 11, 2009

Game 7

I haven't posted in a while. It's NHL Playoff season and the Caps are headed to game 7 here in DC! Rock the Red!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

This is the First Time I Have Ever Shared My True Self with Anyone

God save your grace for the deserving, not gutter trash like me
Because I'm ruining the life you died to save
A moment with these whores or eternity with you
But a moment is all that matters in this 15 minute world
A love once lost is what I'll be,
though you never travel far from me.
But your loves comes down upon us all
In lonely alleys and dockside bars
To forgive us sinners our broken hearts
And bring us home into your arms


The Chariot - Daggers

Sunday, April 19, 2009

As The Little Things Go

I've meant to post all week but... just haven't. I guess I've been doing stuff but I can't figure it out. Oh well.

The Appleseed Cast on Tuesday night was a fantastic show. I had never seen them live before and was so happy to finally have the chance.

I did get an advanced copy of the new record by one of my favorite bands... and I'm not too thrilled with it, which makes me sad. I'll give a review when it is actually released. So sad.

Steph Modder's cd release show is tonight. Looking forward to hearing her album live.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Worn Out Weather

Downloaded the new record by My Heart to Joy tonight. It's called "Seasons in Verse". Quality post-hardcore/emo record. I'm only a couple tracks in but I'm digging it. Good stuff.

It's too cold. It's mid-April. It's spring. I got the whole April showers deal but the rain in starting the wear at me. I'd like some sunny weather. That would be awesome. Sunny and warm. Easter was alright... but I'd like Spring. I know we only get like a week of awesome Spring weather in DC but it'd be nice to have.

Really digging this blog http://redistrictingyourneighborhood.blogspot.com/

Going to see the Appleseed Cast tomorrow night at the DC 9. I can't wait.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter

I'm not sure what exactly to say this Easter. I know the last 2 years I've just posted Isaiah 53 and the lyrics to Amazing Grace but that doesn't seem right this year.

Forgiveness is good. Like true forgiveness, where you deserve it not at all. The kind that hurts to receive. It feels good. I think it's ashamed that's not how we feel about the forgiveness of God (at least I know I don't). If I believe what the bible says then I deserve to die and spend eternity in hell. That sucks. But I've put my faith in God, who loves me and sent his son to die for my sin, so I can receive forgiveness and be considered righteous in his eyes. That's Awesome!

Yet when I ask for forgiveness how come do I rarely feel the pain of having caused God great hurt that I do when hurting others? Momentary guilt at times but I hate thinking that all my repentance is empty. Thinking about what God did to forgive me, and save me, and make me righteous... it seems hollow to ask for a clean slate and not feel anything more then slight remorse.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Childhood Memory

The very first verse in the bible I remember is the 23rd Psalm. It's the very first verse my parents had me memorize as a kid. And yet when I read it tonight it hit me in a new way.

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Cherry Blossoms

Had a great day yesterday hanging out downtown. Left the house about noon and took the train to Tenleytown for a little Z Burger. Pretty good burger. Just a small step below Five Guys but still a good lunch. I decided to skid hitting up Melody records because the idea of carrying vinyl with me for the rest of the day seemed like a terrible idea. So we took Metro to the Cherry Blossoms. We found a nice spot under a tree and just layed there for a half an hour or so. Took a walk around and just took pictures and enjoyed the great weather. Then walked over to Ebenezers Coffeehouse for a NCC Saturday night service. Took the train home and got Chipotle. Chipotle is about my favorite food. Love their burritos. Caught the end of the Uconn/Michigan ST game. The Michigan State win prompted my mom to call and rub that in my face. Very classy mom. Becky and Jake came over and we went to Baileys for some dessert and drinks and then to the theater to see Monsters vs Aliens. An alright movie. A good Saturday.

Today I mostly chilled. Went over to my parents to eat their food and watch their tv. Came home and watched some Family Guy and The Braves kick off the 09 baseball season with win!

This is also the last day of my 40 day lent fast which means an extra large Dunkin Donuts coffee for BP. A lot has happened... kind of, in the last 40 days and I'l write about it tomorrow. Goodnight.

Saturday, April 4, 2009


Listening to a little Andy Hunter this morning. Really digging "Life" but "Colour" just doesn't hit the same way. Going to spend the day in DC. Get some food, see the Cherry Blossoms, and just have a good time in the nice weather.

Last night Car and me were on the news...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Red and Blue Jeans

So it wasn't nice and sunny today. Or really that warm. Another dark, wet, April day in DC. Which is ok. We need the rain (not that you'd call what it did today rain) and I enjoy the dark wet days (although not if I have to drive, like today). I was just hoping for some warm, sunny, spring weather. Tomorrow there are supposed to be thunder storms. Hopefully just in the morning but reports are conflicting. It will be sunny and 65 on Saturday which is just about perfect in my books and that's when I plan on partaking in cherry blossom events anyway.

Tomorrow is the last work day without coffee! I'm excited. Three more days. I can do it. And honestly, overall, as a fast it hasn't been that hard. I still drink hot tea in the morning and I'm mostly ok without all that caffeine in my system but I just miss drinking coffee. I miss going to get coffee on the weekends or in the evenings with Car. Drinking coffee in the morning... On Monday I'm going to Dunkin Donuts and getting an extra large coffee with creme and a muffin and it will be glorious.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

It's Beautiful...

I didn't really sleep last night. 2 hours isn't much. Not enough to have a very productive day. I was so tired this morning I was ready to stop my lent fast early and grab a cup of coffee. I wanted to, seriously considered it, but in the end didn't. It would have been such a disappointment with only 4 days left to go.

The end of the first day of April is nearly at a close. An alright day. A little wet, a little dark but not bad. Warm tomorrow, warm and sunny all weekend! I love spring. My goal is to get out Saturday and see the Cherry Blossoms (still pissed I missed them last year). Going to enjoy them this year.

Here's something awesome

Monday, March 30, 2009

In the Morning

Set up the studio tonight. Worked on a song called In the Morning. Classic Echo Broke Alone sound. Layered guitars. It was supposed to be the opening track on My Heart to Heaven (the EBA full length coming soon) but the more I listen and the more I record, the more I feel like this is a nice closer. But we'll see. The idea is simple as is all the layered guitar songs. Take a simple progression and make it interesting. Once I get a bunch of guitar tracks for songs going I'll work on cello and other various instruments to layer in. I still love the way Heart Condition turned out and I don't want to leave that style behind as I work on My Heart To Heaven and guitar based music.

T-minus 1 week till I can have coffee again! Next Monday will be a glorious day. Now... I ony have to get through this week...

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Skies Proclaim

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course. It rises at one end of the heavens and makes its circuit to the other; nothing is hidden from its heat. The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalms 19

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Iniquity: An Offering

I love music. It's an understatement but it'll do for now. I love it. Obsessed! Big fan. If there was a way to make listening to music a career I'd jump all over that.

MxPx's "On the Cover II" came out yesterday. Very good. Digging the 80's songs redone. Looking at what's coming out this year... very excited for some records in 09. New music from MewithoutYou, Frank Lenz, Richard Swift, The Chariot, Emery, Map, Saxon Shore, Project 86, Stavesacre, Dillinger Escape Plan, David Bazan, Steph Modder, Jeremy Enigk. Hopefully we'll get new Unwed Sailor and Hammock albums this year as well. I'm excited for records from all these bands.

Record store day is April 18th. Go buy some records.

Monday, March 23, 2009

The Phone Works Both Ways

Not too much happening at the moment. Eating some rice and listening to the Jazz June. Waiting on 24. This season has been awesome. I've been on a little bit of an emo kick lately. Early/mid 90's emo/post hardcore. Christie Front Drive, Jawbox, Sunny Day Real Estate, Brandtson, The Promise Ring, Falling Forward, etc...

Really enjoyed church yesterday. Just enjoyed playing bass and being there. Good times.

That's it... sorry

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Mono No Aware

My computer went haywire last week and I've spent the first part of this week getting it back into shape. I've also been sick. Had to go to the doctors. I hadn't been to the doctors in like 6 years. I have strep throat and am on meds. Feeling alright today. I'll be back at work tomorrow.

18 more days left in the Lent Fast. 18 more days before I get to drink a glorious cup of coffee. I will be drinking coffee again and I can't wait for it. Although it's been a good lent season thus far (really making efforts to just do what's right and what God wants) I really really like coffee and I really really miss coffee.

Hammock released there video for the song "Mono No Aware". It's good, Hammock is great. Enjoy

Thursday, March 5, 2009

There is No Dana

I have a couple of record reviews that I want to do. I do them mostly for my own enjoyment and on the hope that someone reads this and discovers some great music. I said I'd do the great Norma Jean record "The Anti-Mother". A record in which I am very much in love with. It's very good. But I will wait for another day.

Let's talk about TwoThirtyEight. Great, great band. Released three records on Takehold before Tooth and Nail bought out Takehold. T&N re-released Regulate the Chemicals and the final TwoThirtyEight record "You Should Be Living." I will say that Regulate the Chemicals is one of my favorite albums.

A little bit of personal back story. Takehold records also released the first 2 Underoath records. The second record being Cries of the Past (pretty good metal album). I heard "The Last" on the radio. I feel in love with that song. I found Underoath online, then found Takehold. I ended up downloading a couple of TwoThirtyEight tracks from Napster (yay!) and bought both the Underoath and TwoThirtyEight albums.

Regulate the Chemicals is fantastic. A record that has held up over the past couple of years and still gets lots of play at my house. Some would call it indie or emo, it doesn't matter. Lyrically the record moves from place to place in a cavalcade of story telling. It's a little quirky in movement musically. Not untameable or confusing and not at all a math rock album but it starts and stops with fits of emotive furry. Chris Staples quite honest singing voice exploding into screams of heart and honesty. Plus the first christian record that I'd heard with some sort of "curse" word.

"Some people stay sick in bed,
sick at work or in their heads.
Doctors can diagnose,
problems they are having most.
Regulate the chemicals,
prescribe all the medicines.
Put you on the right road to recovery" (Hands of Men"

"I am happy to be just to be a page in a chapter of your book
You always read the heart inside me like a book and it made me smile
The eyes will speak words when the lips are standing still" (There is No Dana)

"so caught up in being noteworthy,
the average ghost is haunting someone else
you know you're wired when your senses fail" (Coin Laundry Loser)

"I'm running out of fingers to count the things I've done wrong.
I'm dangling from the towers I've built to save my life.
Could it be I've been the one to kiss you to a tree?" (The Bastard Son And The Spoiled One)

"i'm sick of being sick
of being thirsty for a drink
of the one thing you can get me
if i could just forget me
lock the door with the book in raise the table
and the ceiling meanwhile books will fall in" (The Songs Will Write the Words)

"I'm making up reasons,
I have answers for questions never asked.
This is the sound of me thinking too loud.
This is the sound of my brain waves in a chaotic symphony of thought,
or something like that." (Indian in Your Eyes)

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I bought Watchmen Tickets!

Watching the extras on the Wonder Woman dvd. I'm a big fan of the DC animated dvds. Good stuff. This one is close to my favorite but New Frontier is great. Watching these extras though I wonder about mic placement. Watching people do voiceover work in normal rooms with mics positions any which way... I wonder if we're doing something wrong at work. Why do we have so much in the way of room noise? I can't figure it out. Anyway...

God is good.

I hope to (possibly tomorrow) right a in depth, or why I'm madly in love with, review of Norma Jean's GREAT album "The Anti-Mother". To tide you over till...

Monday, March 2, 2009

Richmond Rocks

So this summer Denali is playing a reunion show at the Black Cat. I'm excited. I'm going. A little Mondat evening rock music from two of Richmond, Va finest.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Greater Things

Pastor Mark wrapped up the greater things series this morning. His last statement struck a real chord with me. If you focus on doing what's right, God will do greater things. Wow. It's far to simple a concept not to grasp and as someone struggling with the direction of my life and doing what it is God has called me to do it really hit me in the heart.

Well praying tonight I felt prompted to start reading the Psalms. Read Psalms 1 tonight.

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."

Glad I read that tonight. A verse that hit a conversation I had with Car last night.

Now it's snowing! I'm hoping it's a lot like the news said it would be. There hasn't been a good snow in DC in forever.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Looking Forward to Lent

I recently got back into listening to vinyl. Mostly because I finally moved the box from the dark corner of my room over next to my record player. Mostly been going through my 7 inch collection. Some good stuff. Currently listening to Sense Field - Building. Good record (I think I need to change my needle).

Lent starts on Wednesday. I didn't realize it was so soon until church last night. It almost March though... I'm looking forward to Lent and fasting this year. It was really important and a really good time for my spiritually last year. So this year should be equally as awesome (let's hope). My main fast is coffee. 40 days without coffee... Hopefully after the first 7 the desire to kill someone will have passed (again, let's hope).

I really like the idea of also fasting something different each week for the 40 days. I'm going to give that a go this year. Not sure what exactly it'll be each week. Probably hair gel for week, buying lunch for a week, things that are small spiritual hinderances and things to develop better discipline.

Looking forward to (and dreading) the 40 days of fasting.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Will it Upset You if I have Jesus Smoking?

I'm not really a fan of when the Office is a repeat. Like how many repeats can you show a year?

I've kind of stalemated lately on poetry. After a line or two I can't put anything together. It's frustrating and I think it mostly comes from not knowing what I want to say. Which could also be because I'm trying to say something. It was much easier when I was writing about lost and drunken sailors sharing cigarettes and stories of lost love with Jesus. It would make a great story. An older sailor, finally returned home to find all he ever loved gone except the sea. Standing outside a bar, smoking a cigarette when Jesus comes up and asks to borrow a smoke. The drunken sailor tells his story of life and stories of the sea while Jesus listens. It would be more a device for telling stories then a consistent book with a plot but I like it. Well... it is my idea. Maybe I should jump on that.

A couple of new pictures over at flickr. Enjoy.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Variations of Static

I like free food. I enjoyed going to my parents house this evening and having my grandfather make donuts for me. Very tasty. I enjoyed my grandmother/brothers soup (which will also be my lunch).

Man vs Food is on in 10 minutes. I like watching people eat far more then is required for no other reason then pride. I'd love to have that guys job but I couldn't eat that much and it would make me fat.

I posted some new pics up at flickr (http://flickr.com/photos/7137789@N03/).

Here's a little Ólafur Arnalds for you.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Beyond the Visible Spectrum

I blog way less then I want to. Very sad. I'm not that busy, just lazy... and it's not like I really have anything interesting to say anyway.

So Thursday and the Appleseed Cast have new records out today. I've listened to them both and am now going to comment on them.

Thursday is a band I really didn't get into until 08. Full Collapse always interested me in it's popularity and I guess it was just the right place at the right time. I bought it last year and I feel in love with the record and thus the band. I didn't hate Thursday, I was just never a fan. I was looking forward to the new record based solely on the split with Envy (those songs were great). The record is... fantastic. One listen through and I completely enjoyed it. The record doesn't really move in any new direction from previous Thursday efforts but that's not to say it's the same song we've heard before. There is something completely enrapturing about Geoff Rickly's vocals. The blend of full on screaming and singing fit so perfectly with the music. If you're a fan of Thursday, go buy the album.

The Appleseed Cast are awesome. They make beautiful music and I'm never disappointed. Their new album Sagarmatha is not a disappointment. I read a review this morning that said it sounds like Explosions in the Sky making an Appleseed Cast record and I can't really do any better describing it.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Caps are on TV, Tristeza is on my stereo and I've been doing a little thinking (YES! The Caps just scored!).

I've been going over a bunch of things in my head lately. I'm just really frustrated lately with my spiritual life. It's hard taking a look at things and asking if I was better a year ago then I am today. Or is it just that because life is different this year that the vantage point has shifted and it looks worse because things that seem bigger are right in my face? There's a general frustration with myself where my spiritual life is concerned. Paul's words in Romans ring true.

"So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it."

A large part of my frustration comes from my own lack of effort put into my personal relationship with God. And I know from personal experience that the more time I spend in prayer and in his words the more peace I feel. My stress and worry and feeling like of spiritual ineptitude fade. That part of the problem is fixed by me making time and putting forth the commitment.

The thing that most bugs me is this pattern of falling into familiar habits and sins and it makes me wonder if I'm just a terrible human being or if there are serious changes that need to made. Again, the answer goes back to spending more time with God, which I desperately need to do.

Speaking of which...

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Of Flight and Failure

I went and saw the Wrestler after work. I don't know if I'd say I liked it, but I wouldn't say it's a bad movie. It's a downer for sure but there's something fascinating about it. Rourke gives a good performance. In my tiny opinion a movie to put on your netflix list when it hits dvd. But I'm probably wrong and will be told so.

Currently got the BCS Championship on. Hoping Florida wins, although not really sure why. I honestly don't care and I wish the Caps were playing tonight so I could watch something else.

Also listening to A Hope For Home's new album "The Everlasting Man". I'm digging it.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Watching a little Man vs Food. Why are shows about food so awesome?

I've been learning over the past couple of months how it is that God loves me unconditionally, no matter what. Sometimes it takes some real life challenges to understand how the love of God works, only his love works on a much grander scale then mine does.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Watching the Capitals play the Philly Flyers. Currently up 1-0. Carolina over the past couple of years has been a good rivalry but the Flyers still hold my hockey hatred (and the Penguins).

Sad news in punk rock today; Ron Ashteon of the Stoogies died today. Here's "I Wanna Be Your Dog" live.

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Mirror

Just a quick word on this Monday evening. Moment of clarity type thing. I now have a new goal for this year. To DO more. Just do. Spiritually minded doing and just regular doing. I think and analyze things to much and I believe it's hindered a lot of opportunities that might have come my way. So I want to just do this year.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

A Look Back: The Year That Was

Welcome to 2009. I meant to post various things reflecting and looking back on 2008 over the course of the week but I didn't do it. So I have a lot of ground to cover. Put your reading glasses on. On the bottom of this post will be a link to download this year best of mix tape.

Music: Best of 08

2008 was a different year for music. This years mix tape and list will feature a more diverse selection of tunes then past years. A lot of good songs, some decent records but there were really only a handful to jump out at me. The top 10 is a list of albums that I couldn't stop listening to.

10. tie: Living Sacrifice - Death Machine/Austrian Death Machine - Total Brutal
Living Sacrifice is awesome. The Hammering Process is a great metal record. Conceived in Fire is a great metal record. The three songs on their retrospective are great metal songs. Death Machine is two songs released for download on their myspace page and they are two great metal songs. I can't wait for the new album in 09. Austrian Death Machine is Tim Lambesis from As I Lay Dying. Austrian Death Machine is his tribute to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Great record.

9.M83 - Saturday=Youth
I've been of fan of M83 and this record continues that. It's hard for me not to just put Kim and Jessie on a loop because it might be one of my favorite songs I head all year. Good shoegazer album. Very good songs. It's worth it for Kim and Jessie alone.

8. Al Green - Lay It Down
What can I say about Al Green. Let's Stay Together. Awesome. Lay It Down was produced by ?uestlove and this is a fantasic piece of soul music. Laid back love songs. Good to hear Al Green make a great soul record again.

7. Nine Inch Nails - The Slip/Ghosts
I really only started listening to Nine Inch Nails last year. Year Zero was a good record. Plus being able to remix the songs was a great idea. Trent Reznor had an even better idea this year. To give his music away for free. The Slip was released with no real fanfare on the NIN site and a co-worker downloaded it and I grabbed it. Possibly the best songs Reznors written since the Fragile. That teamed with the release this year of the ambient Ghosts album it was a good year for Nine Inch Nails. Sounds thought like it might have been the last...

6. Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
I liked Plans. I thought it was pop song writing at it's best. But Narrow Stairs gets back tot he sound of Death Cab that I love. The record songs like it's the follow up to The Photo Album. A great indie rock album.

5. Kaki King - Dreaming of Revenge
Kaki King is getting better with each record. The first two are great guitar playing records. And I loved Until We Felt Red. Dreaming of Revenge is a m ix of very well written songs and beautiful instrumentals.

4. Starflyer 59 - Dial M
You knew a Martin was going to make the list. Having heard the songs from this record via the Ghost in Box 7 inch series I knew it was more good song writing and rock songs but as an album Dial M is incredible. The songs remind of Jason's songs on the Brothers Martin album from last year and there is nothing wrong with that. With Steven Dail(Project 86) on bass and Trey Manny on drums Jason created a great record. There isn't enough good things to say about this record. I'm surprised every time he releases a new record at the progression Starflyer keeps taking. I hope Jason continues to make records for years and years to come. Each one is just as good as the last with new sounds, twist, stylings, but all the while 100% Starflyer 59. I wish he'd tour but if it takes going to Cornerstone to see Starflyer live, you might see me there this year.

3. Trenches - The Tide Will Swallow Us Whole
All it took was one song for me to go but the Trenches album. I heard Pathways on their myspace page and I was hooked and I bought the record. Good ambient hardcore. The swooping guitar leads interchanging with the heavy verses and Jimmy Ryan's scream. Start to finish a fantastic listen.

2. Hammock - Maybe They Will Sing for Us Tomorrow
I got to see Hammock live this year. And seeing them live was an experience I hope not to forget. Listening to Hammock is always a spiritual experience for me anyway but being in the room and having the music envelop every inch of your being. To close your eyes and let the music do the work. Great stuff. All that to say the new album "Maybe They Will Sing for Us Tomorrow is more ambient pleasure from Hammock. More minimal then their previous efforts but every bit as enrapturing. I hope there's at least an ep in 09 from Hammock.

1. Norma Jean - The Anti-Mother
I love Norma Jean. I think they have gotten better with every record. And I was excited when the Anti-Mother recording sessions started. The in studio pictures with Page Hamilton(Helmet), the video with Chino Moreno(Deftones). I was excited. But when they first posted a song online (Robots 3, Humans 0) I was worried. This song sounded like Thrice, not Norma Jean. All my fears were quickly erased on the first listen through of the record though. The songs swoop from one to the next, from heavy, to groove, back to heavy, to straight forward rock. The record starts off with the rawest sounding drums of heard in a while on Vipers, Snakes, and Actors. My favorite song is Murphy Was an Optimist. Lyrically it's a great record. Corey Brandon continues to write great words. I've yet to tire of this album and I don't think I will anytime soon.

Honorable mentions:
Raphael Saadiq - The Way I See It
Children 18:3 - Children 18:3
The Cure - 4:13 Dream
Sharlok Poems - Blooming Sounds
P.O.D. - When Angels and Serpents Dance

I won't spend much time talking about my favorite films. I will only say that The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and Wall-E were awesome and if you haven't them you should go and do so right now.

The election this year was very disheartening because I didn't really care about or fully support either candidate. We'll see what happens the next 4 years.

Looking at my goals for 2008 and seeing if I accomplished them or if I grew or what was up in 08. 2008 was a decent year for me. I met my girlfriend Carley, who is amazing and whom I love very much (which I think helped me to accomplish my goal of smiling more).

I think the biggest thing in 08 was just me more and more just being comfortable with myself and who I am. There was a lot of things I did and that happened and became last year that I'm happy with but that's life. I mess up. That happens. KNowing that God made me and loves me and forgives me is very comforting. Shit happens and I don't always deal with things the best way possible but I don't have to all the time. I think I've learned to live in more in forgiveness then guilt this year. That once I've repented and ask God to forgive me I can go forth and try to live as he wants me to.

I didn't really finish things I started. I more just didn't start new things. Which isn't really what I wanted to do.

Experiences of 08: Seeing the Cure, My Bloody Valentine, and Bad Brains live. Meeting Carley, Echo Broke Alone playing live, moving to Germantown.

Looking forward:

2009 should be an exciting year. I'm looking forward to it. I'm releasing an ep later this month under Echo Broke Alone called "Heart Condition". A mixture of spoken word and ambient sounds. I'm looking forward to that coming out. I'm also going to finally finish Something Beautiful, the Echo Broke Alone full length. I've said it before but this year it will come out. There's no reason for it not to. Something Beautiful will be out in 2009.

One of my goals is to read more this year. I'd like to read at least one book a month. At least. And it doesn't have to be anything meaningful or spiritual. Just a general read more campaign on my part.

I'd also like to swear less. Not stop swearing, just to swear less. Mostly at work. Not every sentence needs the same four letter adverb or adjective.

I'm going to try and get some poetry published this year. I think I'd like to do more with my poetry and photography. What I'm not sure but I want to. Maybe we'll even see some progress with Something Beautiful (community for creative peeps).

I'm looking forward to a great 2009 filled with music, food, and good times.

Here's this years mix tape.

Best of 2008:
01. Hello California
02. Death Machine - Living Sacrifice
03. Kim & Jessie - M83
04. Universal Mind Control - Common
05. All My Balloons - Children 18:3
06. Discipline - Nine Inch Nails
07. Cath - Death Cab for Cutie
08. Heart Art - Sharlok Poems
09. Lay It Down - Al Green
10. Underneath the Stars - The Cure
11. Montreal - Kaki King
12. Pathways - Trenches
13. Atlantic City - Tumbledown
14. Big Easy - Raphael Saadiq
15. M23 - Starflyer 59
16. Murphy Was an Optimist - Norma Jean
17. The Color Theft - Oh Sleeper
18. City In the Dust on MY Windowsill - Hammock
19. Shine With Me - P.O.D.


Happy new year