Sunday, December 30, 2007

Top 10 Records of 2007

It's that time again when I give you my top 10 albums of the year. This years list might be the most eclectic list ever. So here we go.

10. Joy Electric - The Other Opus : I was really unfair to this record when it first came out. After hearing the Brothers Martin record, Joy Electric's latest offering seemed weak. Not interested, not bass heavy, no bad but not what I had hoped for. Upon further listening I was wrong. Ronnie spent a lot of time on vocals and it shows on this record. It might actually be my second favorite JoyE record.

9. Rich Swift - Dressed Up for the Letdown : Although half of this record contains songs on previous 7" record it's still great (besides, how many people are buying vinyl?). There aren't many artist doing what Swift is doing and that's good. It's very well crafted pop music.

8. Explosions in the Sky - All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone : I love post-rock. It might be the most listened to genre of music in my collection as of the last year. EITS released another beautiful piece of music. Gorgeous instrumental music.

7. Battles - Mirrored : I'm not sure what to say about Battles. A lot of people love this record. A lot of people hate this record. There is no middle ground. I love it.

6. Dillinger Escape Plan - Ire Works : Who doesn't love Dillinger Escape Plan? A combo of the math metal that made DEP famous and a jazz rock, Mike Patton fusion. It's good. I swear.

5. St Vincent - Marry Me : I read a review of Marry Me on popmatters and thought it could be an interesting record. After the fist few notes of Now, Now I knew it was going to be a good record, and it is. Very pretty pop music.

4. Pharoahe Monch - Desire : I love hip-hop. It's plan and simple. Desire is one of the best hip-hop records I've heard in a long time. Great beats, good hooks, strong lyrical content.

3. Hopesfall - Magnetic North : On a whim I picked up Hopesfall's record "Magnetic North" and it was a well spent $10. I love the guitar work on this record. This record didn't leave my car cd player for 2 months. Just a solid record.

2. Kenna - Make Sure They See My Face : I was a big fan of New Sacred Cow when that came out in 03 and the four years it took to release Make Sure They See my Face was worth it. A very energetic, danceable record. From start to finish this record is great.

1. The Brothers Martin - The Brother Martin : The fist time I listened to this record I literally wet myself. I've been waiting for this record for years and it was everything I thought it would be and more. Ronnie Martin (Joy Electric) and Jason Martin (Starflyer 59) finally got together and created a brilliant dance record. I could probably gush about this record all day but I won't. Just buy it. It's incredible.

Honorable Mentions:

Although they didn't make the top 10 I need to give a heads up about a couple of record that are also awesome.

Worlds End Girlfriend - Hurtbreak Wonderland
Eluvium - Copia
MxPx - Secret Weapon
Stars of the Lid - Stars Of The Lid And Their Refinement Of The Decline
Radiohead - In Rainbows
Signal Hill - Signal Hill
Caspian - The Four Trees

Friday, December 28, 2007

Rudiments of a Spiritual Life

So 2007 is coming to a close and like every year I've been taking stock of my life this past year. Where it started, what happened, how I grew, goals I accomplished, and where I am now. I was reading over a quick blurb that I wrote last year at this time. It's the things in my life I wanted to change and how I wanted to grow.

"I'm hoping in 2007 to work on things I'm not really happy with (being really shy and awkward around people I don't know) and working towards a deeper understand in who Christ is and what he wants from me. I spent most of this year just figuring out that I still love him and coming to an understanding of what I actually believe. This coming year I want to wrap myself in his love and his word. My belief is strong but that's where I feel it ends. "

I feel this is exactly what I had accomplished in 07. The year started off with a sermon by Rick McKinley about what he had learned on his time off from preaching and just meditating on God. What he said was such a simple truth that has stuck with me all year. He said "What I really got to focus on was the fact that God loves me... This thing really is about the love of God."

And I heard this and it rang true with me. Something hit home and I said yes, God loves me. And it's a complete duh moment. You smack yourself in forehead and say of course, it's the truth behind the gospel. But somewhere in my walk with God, in this journey to a deeper understanding of how I'm supposed to be following in the shadow of Jesus, I lost this simple concept that God loves me. And that was a good place to start this year. Because if God loves me, no matter how much I screw up, no matter how much I hurt him by going forward and looking for approval elsewhere, then why should anything else matter. At the end of the day when everyone fails me, when life seems to come up short, God will be there, waiting to embrace me with his love. And if God loves me that way, then he must love everyone else that way too. So I go to the gospel of Matthew.

"Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."

And it made such an impact on my life. It's not a revolutionary concept but it was a base to start from and it was how I wanted to live my life. As a reminder I tattooed the verse on my arm, as a constant reminder of how to live my life.

I was able to find a church this year where I could plug into. It is a joy to be able to go to church again because I want to be there, not because I have to be there. I've meet some awesome people there and joined the worship team. It's been a joy to go there.

The other standout moment this year was a friendship. Without getting into any personal details, it's very nice and heartwarming to have someone that you can share meaningful conversation about spirituality with.I enjoyed the four months or so hat I had chance to dialogue with this person about our personal and spiritual struggles and it brought me joy to see them grow. I pray nothing but love and good things to this person, wherever life takes them next.

The past month I've really been learning to enjoy my relationships and friendships that I have now. I've spent all this week getting coffee and eating dinner with those closest to me and enjoying the company of others. I hope to continue this in 08. You never now how long someone will be alive or in your life and those relationship are precious and meaningful, if just for that moment in time you get to spend with them.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Happy Boxing Day


Boxing Day is a traditional celebration, dating back to the Middle Ages, and consists of the practice of giving out gifts to employees, the poor, or to people in a lower social class.

Folk etymologies
The more common stories include:
It was the day when people would give a present or Christmas box to those who had worked for them throughout the year.
In feudal times, Christmas was a reason for a gathering of extended families. All the serfs would gather their families in the manor of their lord, which made it easier for the lord of the estate to hand out annual stipends to the serfs. After all the Christmas parties on 26 December, the lord of the estate would give practical goods such as cloth, grains, and tools to the serfs who lived on his land. Each family would get a box full of such goods the day after Christmas. Under this explanation, there was nothing voluntary about this transaction; the lord of the manor was obliged to supply these goods. Because of the boxes being given out, the day was called Boxing Day.

In England many years ago, it was common practice for the servants to carry boxes to their employers when they arrived for their day's work on the day after Christmas. Their employers would then put coins in the boxes as special end-of-year gifts. This can be compared with the modern day concept of Christmas bonuses. The servants carried boxes for the coins, hence the name Boxing Day.

In churches, it was traditional to open the church's donation box on Christmas Day, and the money in the donation box was to be distributed to the poorer or lower class citizens on the next day. In this case, the "box" in "Boxing Day" comes from that lockbox in which the donations were left.

Boxing Day was the day when the wren, the king of birds, was captured and put in a box and introduced to each household in the village when he would be asked for a successful year and a good harvest. See Frazer's Golden Bough.
Evidence can also be found in Wassail songs such as:
Where are you going ? said Milder to Malder,
Oh where are you going ? said Fessel to Foe,
I'm going to hunt the cutty wren said Milder to Malder,
I'm going to hunt the cutty wren said John the Rednose.
And what will you do wi' it ? said Milder to Malder,
And what will you do wi' it ? said Fessel to Foe,
I'll put it in a box said Milder to Malder,
I'll put it in a box said John the Rednose.

Because the staff had to work on such an important day as Christmas by serving the master of the house and their family, they were given the following day off. As servants were kept away from their own families to work on a traditional religious holiday and were not able to celebrate Christmas Dinner, the customary benefit was to "box" up the leftover food from Christmas Day and send it away with the servants and their families.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas Morning

So tomorrow morning at 7:00 am my family will all gather in the living and go from youngest to oldest opening up stockings. From that point we'll eat breakfast, an assortment of pastries and an egg and cheese casserole. After breakfast we'll gather back in the living and open up our presents. Mid-morning we'll finish up, everyone will head to their rooms with their new stuff in tow. Showers will be had and lunch will be made. My grandparents, aunts, and future brother-in-law will come over and we'll have Christmas dinner. After which we'll open up more presents and then eat pie. Later in the evening will hit up the theater for a late night movie. And then the day will come to a close and Christmas will be over.

I pray you have a wonderful day tomorrow. Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Holly Jolly Christmas

I'm really excited about Christmas. I've been rocking out the latest edition of XMas with the Supans, drinking lots of eggnog, and just enjoying the season. I'm super excited for 24 hours of A Christmas Story. I love Christmas.

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Highway Moves Tonight

It's been a week. Let's see if we can have an awesome little round-up. It snowed last week (yay!). First snow of the year and it was a bloody mess. I got to work more or less right when the snow started. Which was cool for me. I was at work on time. The fun was everyone else out on the road in the morning. See, here in good ole DC we don't do to well when it snows. And by snow I mean weather. Any sort of weather can mess up traffic. Cloudy is about the only kind of good traffic weather in DC. So good job to the Maryland, Virginia, and District's Department of Transportation. It was a good way to kick of the season and our hopes are once again high that you can take care of roads in case of any big storm (not!)

But I love the snow. I loved driving and watching it fall aboout me, I loved looking out the window at the snow(first year at work I get to look out a window). Traffic is a bitch when it snows but the beauty of it makes it worth it.

I've started reflecting on the last year. Looking back at how I've grown and what God has been doing in me. Without saying too much, I'm really happy with where God has brought me from and where I believe I'm going. I feel I'm more comfortable as myself then I have ever been, and I've found a place where I can be and worship God as I am and express myself as I am and not worry about fitting into any mold. I've made good friends this year and have lost close friends for one reason or another. I think for the first time this year I've really grasped the idea that God loves me, and he loves me because he made me and it's not about what I say or how I act. It's because I'm his. It's sad that as simple an idea this is, that it's missed so often by so many and it took me a while to grasp this concept.

I leave you with a song lyric. LN did a cover of "Softly and Tenderly" that still sends chills up my spine.

"Oh, for the wonderful love He has promised,
Promised for you and for me!
Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon,
Pardon for you and for me."

Monday, December 3, 2007

Sunset Drama King

Christmas shopping online is awesome. I'm not a go out to the mall or department store and spend hours looking for the right gift and then wait in lines. To leisurely browse the world wide waste of time, in the comfort of my own home... who could ask for more. You get one giant package from sent right to your house...awesome!

Ocassionally things happen that make you look at where you are in life and you see that change is needed because there's a brick wall in front of you and you're going nowhere anymore... Today that happened.

Who can argue a little Snoop Dogg

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

R.I.P. Sean Taylor

It's been a tough day. I wasn't expecting the first thing I heard this morning was that Sean Taylor had been killed. For all my complaining about the American cultures need for celebrity, this death really hit me this afternoon on my way home listening to the press confernce and then hearing people's reactions. I soent an hour on the treadmill wacthing coverage holding back tears. I could look over at my little brother, 10 years younger than me and he was holding holding back tears. I'm sure it hits us more then the average person being from Washington and having grown up Redskins fans. But my heart really goes out to his family. His poor little girl who will have to spend the rest of her life without her dad. It's heartbreaking.I think Willis McGahee said it nicely.

"Sean was a great player, but more importantly a special person. When a senseless tragedy like this happens close to home, it really makes you think about the people in your life. This is much bigger than football; life is precious and you are reminded of that every day."

A song came to me as I was watching coverage, "The Fatherless and the Widow" by Sixpence None the Richer.

I continue to pray for the Taylor family and all thos who have been affected by his death.

Fatherless and the widow
Stricken down by the hand of death
Grasping for security
Anticipation of the imminent next
Of the imminent next

The fatherless and the widow
Find their souls filled with fear
Her lover gone forever
His hand to hold is never coming back
Never coming back

Behind closed doors they cry their tears
Behind closed doors they reveal their fears
To the God in heaven above
To the God in heaven above

Monday, November 26, 2007


Here's some music I've been digging lately

Tom Jones & Cerys Matthews


The American Dollar

The Autumns

Friday, November 23, 2007

Thanks Giving and Christmas

Current enjoyments include a slice of pumpkin cheesecake, a cold glass of milk, Starflyer 59 playing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. The Christmas tree is up in the house, the lights and all the decorations that let one know it is that time of year. In my impatience and question yesterday I didn't really take a lot of time to reflect on the things I'm thankful for. So post turkey day I'm being thankful. I feel God has allowed me to be questioning of him this year so that he may prove himself faithful and real to me in times when I need to see his faithfulness most. He's brought meaningful friendship and dialogue into my life at times when I felt alone. He's brought peace when the bottom has completely fallen out and I had nothing. He's brough people who inspire time after time at the right moments. And even though I feel I've fallen further and further away from whatever modern christianity is, and though I've fallen into the same old sins over and over, I feel I've come closer to God this year and am slowly learning what it means to just be loved by God and live out of that love. Even though things have not gone as I thought they would and my plans have been completely thrown in a loop, I feel that God will remain faithful to his promises to me and I need to be paitent and wait on his timing. I guess the point is, what I'm most thankful for this year is God's forgiveness and love, that he never ever gives up on me no matter how far I wander and how much I question and screw up. That's he'll always be there with open arms, still loving me.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

This Is A Process Of A Still Life

"I feel myself motioned, walking further still towards you
But the closer I seem to come, the farther yet you run.

Yet as I turn to walk away
And ask for God a sign
Though the last thing that I wanted
That's always when you come"

It's really hard for me to wait on God. When God answers prayer with a "yes but not yet", it tends to make me impatient and doubtful of his promise. I've asked for signs and they've come as confirmation, and the desire and prayer hasn't changed but it's not yet his timing and the circumstances of the situation are much different then they first were. But I still believe he's faithful and that what he's promised will come in his time. But... I'd much rather not wait.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Christmas Time, It's Christmas Time

I'm not asking for people to admit it but the Christmas season is in full effect and I'm excited. Thanksgiving is Thursday, meaning Thursday night the Christmas tree will go up in the house. People have started putting up lights, christmas music is in the air, the shopping is here.

Last year Christmas sucked. I was depressed and couldn't wait for it to over. This year not the case. I couldn't be more excited for Christmas. I've been spinning Vince Guaraldi's "A Charlie Brown Christmas" this week. I'm looking forward to watching Charlie Brown on tv like evry year. Watching Nightmare Before Christmas on Thanksgiving. White Christmas, A Christmas Story, Eating cookies! It's going to be awesome. I'm going to bust out X-Mas with the Supans today rock.

In other news I've watched the first 2 seasons on Deadwood. Great show! Not for those who don't like swearing.

I leave you this...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes and stuff. It was awesome.

My vacation came to end today and I went back to work. It was a needed to refreshing vacation.

I just read this again and felt like sharing.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

I started a post earlier and I completely lost my train of thought and deleted that post. Just half way into writing nothing made sense anymore. Oh well.

I'm currently playing online scrabble with Jay. It's late... I'm going to lose.

Here's something fun.

Monday, November 5, 2007

The Temptation of Joy?

So the question was asked, why is the blog called the temptation of joy. There are two reasons. First, it sounds cool (seriously try and try and argue that). The second (and answer for anyone who disagrees with answer one) is simple. The temptation of joy isn't about joy itself. It's what brings us joy. The goal is to write about things that I enjoy, that bring happiness into my life. To post songs and words that mean something to me. I enjoy writing. It is one of those things that makes me happy. That's why this is the temptation of joy. It's about what brings me joy, not what a commercial says will bring me joy. (Note: The Temptation of Joy is also a song by Jatun

I came to the conclusion a couple weeks ago that I was hopelessly in love. Not in love like with a girl I'm dating or whatever but hopelessly in love as in... no matter how hard I try, there's no way this person will not be a part of my life. Which I wish wasn't so... sometimes. God has answered my prayers and made it pretty clear that, try as I might, this person isn't going anywhere.

I've started drinking mint tea (and by started I mean it's been a couple of weeks). Very good stuff.

The current soundtrack to my life is Jeremy Enigk's "World Waits" and Steve Reich's "Music for 18 Musicians".

Sunday, November 4, 2007

A Moment Suspended in Time

"It's so funny how we see things so clear when we have no time left to live"

Thursday, November 1, 2007

It's been a busy week. I've been busting my hump at work to get my project done by tomorrow (which accomplished) because I'm on vacation next week (Yay!).

Monday night, after working late, I jumped onto Metro and head to the 930 Club to see Underoath, Every Time I Die, and Poison the Well. Very good show. I enjoyed myself emensely and I love Underoath as a live band. Trying to decide if I should go see David Bazan on Monday. Probably will.

I haven't been sleeping much this week and because my laundry has taken 2 and a half hours just to wash (that's retarded), I will be up late again tonight. But my vacation starts tomorrow so it'll good. I'm so looking forward to sitting around, watching movies, playing video games, and sleeping! What a great week it will be.

Fall is in full swing and I'm loving it. I've broken full into the black hoodie collection (5 total). Tomorrow night is a little pit fire and smore eating. It's going to be a great night. And because I'm in charge of the fun there might even be some duck, duck goose.

This is a video for Slowdive's "Allison". Probably my favorite shoegaze song.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sun Red Sky Blue

So uh... the Redskins lost to the Patriots...badly. I'm embarassed.

Last night was Kenna and She Wants Revenge at Black Cat. A very good show. The opening band, The Start, was good. Very nice female led new wave, experimental post-punk pop thing going on. A nice surprise. Kenna was great. He only played for about 20 minutes. 6 songs off the new record. reat set but very short. Quality over quantity I guess. She Wants Revenge was also very good. There's something about bands who rely heavily on electronics and drum machines on an album, that comes across very nicely live. I didn't stay for their whole set but I watched for about an hour. A very nice Saturday evening.

Tomorrow night is Poison the Well and Underoath @ 930 Club. Should also be an awesome show.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

These are a few of my favorite things

Clothes right out of the dryer is one of my favorite things.

So this morning started off real bad. I woke up and turned the shower on... and then the power went out. I didn't get tp shower this morning putting me in a not so nice mood. That morning shower is important.

I start my vacation in a week and a half. I'm excited. I really need this vacation because without I might quit my job. My vacation will consist of myself, a large bed, and a bottle of tylenol pm. I'd like to just sleep and not think about work one bit. To be completely relaxed and rested for a week and half. It can't come soon enough.

I'm a huge fan of Paramore's new single "Crush, Crush, Crush."

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

All Good Things Must Come to an End

It's been a good couple of days for me. By good I mean I've bought a lot of movies for really cheap.

The Hollywood Video in Bethesda is closed. Today was it's last day open. So I hit it up Friday to check it out and hoping to pick up a couple of movies on the cheap. I didn't have high hopes because they were down to 75%. My experience with 75% off at Tower wasn't great and so I thought Hollywood would be empty. But I was wrong. A little hesitant at first, I ended up leaving with 10 movies and some candy. A documentary and some indie films I had been meaning to check out. It only cost me $33.

So I decided to stop in on Monday after work, just to check it out. I heard the cashier tell someone else everything was 90% off. I didn't want to spend an hour or two looking through movies like I had on Friday so I just bought a couple of horror films I enjoyed in theaters but would've never paid full dvd price for.

So today being the last day they were open, I put my computer to work and took my lunch break at Hollywood Video. Spent probably 45 minutes looking through dvds until my arms could hold no more. Went to check out and grabbed an arm full of gummy bears (I love gummy bears). Today I picked up 16 dvd's and gummy bears for $18.

God Bless America!

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Blue Notebooks

Ok, before I get into what I was going to write I need to say something.

I just read the article about Dumbledore (from Harry Potter) being gay... Why? Why is this a big step for gay rights? He's a fictional character. It hurts my head.

Now that I've got that off my chest...

I love fall. It's my favorite season without a doubt. But it's been ruined for two years running now. You can blame climate change, or whatever but it's sucked. We're about a week and a half away from November and it was in 80's today. It's just not right. Tomorrow we're supposed to have a cold front pass and the colder weather is coming. I just hope it stays this time... I might have to move northward.

I've been listening to Max Richter all night. Really nice ambient classical music.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sometimes We Are Beautiful

Friday night I saw Lars and the Real Girl with Karol. A late movie. Once out of the car it started raining so we tried to run arm in arm with one umbrella to the theater from the parking garage. We got soaked. As for the movie, very enjoyable. Situation comedy done well. Very funny. Good movie.

Saturday I spent the day in DC playing drums.

The Redskins won again. Although I'm excited we pulled out the win, the fact that we ran a very conservative offense today and didn't go for the kill, again, worries me and I'm starting to question Joe Gibbs. I love the guy and he is 'The Coach" but... I wish we would go out and just kill teams in the second half. Protecting the lead is going to make us lose games not win.

Another weekend behind me, a fun filled week ahead. I think Wednesday I'm going to go see Reservation Road.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

My Delicate Sun Is My Sparklin' Sun

I didn't know that Lars and the Real Girl came out this weekend until I checked the showtimes for tomorrow. I'm excited to see this movie tomorrow night with my sister. It looks like a fun time.

I had a poem come to me at lunch this week and I wrote it down. I was going to finish it but I'm not sure that it needs to be "finished". It's simple and conveys a point. It doesn't really have a name but I'm calling it "At Night the Sky Shows Death" for the moment.

"I sit alone under a half moon sky
And with unlit cigarettes I scream GOD WHY?

But when no reply comes I just sit and cry.

I don’t want to question the way that you move
But if you’re not real, I won’t live without you. "

Being inspired randomly is nice but it's hard to keep a train of thought going and the creativity flowing when walking back from Chipolte. But I enjoy being inspired and writing.

Listening to Low's album "Things We Lost in the Fire". Good record.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Make Sure They See My Face

I'm really digging the new Kenna record. I can't wait to see him live next weekend.

Monday, October 15, 2007


Let me tell you all a story...

As is slightly documented, I like hip-hop. This story goes back to the summer before my senior year of high school, to a Mastic Beach, NY. We were there on a work camp. On this night there was a talent show that was, in all honesty, lacking talent. I thought I could do better. So I took myself and a couple of people to a park bench outside the school we were staying in and started freestyling. I'm sure it was bad because I have little to no talent in the rhyming department. So with a little help from my best friend Jay, I did a version of Furthermore's "Are You the Walrus", a song I still love to sing. It was a great night and everyone who watched had a great time. So here is "Are You the Walrus".

I've been listening to Efterklang lately. I'm excited for the new record "Parades" which will be out later this month.

Last but not least I'm giving you a movie trailer for the new Disney movie "Enchanted".

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Dare a Smile

"World wait forever never
take the time
don't break my heart

Jeremy Enigk is one of my favorite songwriters. "Diary" by Sunny Day Real Estate was a huge impact record on my life. I loved his first solo record Return of the Frog Queen so much that I didn't care if SDRE ever released another record. Luckily they did. "How It Feels to Be Something On" is an incredible record. "World Waits" as a record is great but "World Waits" as a song... I don't have words for it. There's something about it I'm absolutely in love it.

I'm also in love with fall. I love the cool, sweatshirt weather. Thursday morning when I walked outside I was happy. They already have eggnog coffee cream out and pretty soon actualy eggnog will be available. Apple cider, pumpkin pie... it's a great time of year. It's been a good season for me. I'm really happy.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

La Conscience Est Une Maledict

I'm kind of at a loss for words. That could be because I'm tired but I don't think so. I can't really say life has been awesome the last week but I was happy. I feel I'm in a good place right now and things can only get better. Things are good.

I happened to recite a bit from "O Captain! My Captian!" by Walt Whitman the other day and no one got the reference.


O CAPTAIN! my captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we
sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people are
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim
and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
Leave you not the little spot,
Where on the deck my captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O captain! my captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths—for you the
shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager
faces turning;
O captain! dear father!
This arm I push beneath you;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.

My captain does not answer, his lips are pale and
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor
But the ship, the ship is anchor'd safe, its voyage
closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with
object won:
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with silent tread,
Walk the spot my captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Monday, October 1, 2007

I hate being sick!

Being sick sucks. It's not even a killer sickness where I have to stay in bed. It's a cold. Those colds where you're constantly blowing your nose, blowing so hard you're dizzy for a couple second. Sneezing all the time and you can't get anything done. I hate it. Hate it, I say!

Anyway, this weekend was Facedown Fest East Coast and it was awesome! I don't think I've ever "danced" so much in my entire life. Not even when I was really involved with the hardcore scene. A good time was had. Really liked seeing Means play live and loved getting to hear/see Sleeping Giant for the first time. Great band. But I must say Bloodlined Calligraphy was the best show of the day for me. Alove for Enemies was great but Bloodlined was awesome.

I filled my water bottle up with orange juice. I just drank 32 oz of OJ. Good times.

After Half Nelson I became a Ryan Gosling fan. He's in this new movie called Lars and the Real Girl. Looks interesting

Thursday, September 27, 2007

You're On Fire

As I stated earlier music has ways to attach themselves to moments and people in my life. So we have Mxpx's "You're On Fire" from their new cd Secret Weapon (go buy!). When I heard this song it hit struck me as a song of dedication and made me think of a friend of mine and I think about them everytime I hear this song.

You're old enough to know it's not your fault
You're strong enough to face your darkest conflict
Now you've woken from your nightmare, and now you're fighting back
And nothing can survive when you attack
This road to healing, hurts more than anything

Now that you're on fire, you're voice is like the wind
Now that you're on fire, let life begin again
Now that you're on fire, a new day has begun
Now that you're on fire, you are like the sun
Now that you're on fire

You've spent some time along this lonesome road
With no one waiting for you back at home
Just breaking hearts and living free and easy
Times have changed and now you're not alone
This road to healing, hurts more than anything

More than anything I'd like to see
Better brighter days for you, for you and me

Facedown Fest East Coast 2007 is 2 days away so of course more music videos. I'll give you two tonight. The first from Bloodlined Calligraphy called "Last Goodbye" and the second from Seventh Star called "Resistance to Resistance".

Monday, September 24, 2007

Phone Calls = Creativity?

Two part post here.

First, I want to talk about music and moments. There's a piece of music that has an attachment to my life. When I say piece I mean. One minute and 15 seconds long. But it has attached itself to a moment in my life. And like I mean piece of music, I mean moment, 3 weekends. I had itunes on shuffle during lunch and up popped a track by Jon Brion from the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind soundtrack entitled "Phone Calls". It's very pretty piece of music. Just a transitional moment in a movie that largely goes ignored by most watching the film but a beautiful song none-the-less. So this popped up and I had a thought. This little song has become attached to a girl I went out with briefly. She's still a friend of mine who I talk to from time to time but we went out for a bried period last summer. And this song, this short piece of unnotticed film score has attached itself to a memory of her. Just one of those things...

Alright, now for part two. I always like to acknowledge creative people. I saw two music videos this afternoon that caught my attention. One I had already seen a bunch of times but the second one was new. The first is by the band Justice for their song "D.A.N.C.E." The second by the Chemical Brothers with "The Salmon Dance".

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Lights Shone Brighter. My Delicate Sun Is My Sparklin' Sun

So the Redskins lost today... kind of sad. I was hoping for a win. We have next Sunday off.

I have a renewed spirit today. I went and led worship at a home church this morning, which I was looking forward to. Getting to just pray and play songs of love to God always gets my mind back in focus. There was a good word given about not being defeated. Lately I've felt slightly on the defeated side and it was good to have someone just give a word of encouragement.

This is the song I kepy coming back to this weekend.

Jeremy Enigk "World Waits"

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Facedown Fest

Facedown Fest East Coast is happening September 29. Here's another video from a band playing.

Inked in Blood

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A New Beginning

I've been feeling very creative lately. Which is awesome for a couple of reasons. First, I have a job that requires my creativity. If I'm not creative, I'm not very productive at work, or my productivity isn't very good. More importantly, my creativity is an outlet for me. Writing poems or music, or taking pictures is a way I can express myself and release. I'm very grateful God made me a creative person.

I've been writing a lot. My writing seems to take on two themes lately; standing up for your beliefs/rights and taking a stand for what's right. This isn't a defend your beliefs, this is a stand up to the man and tell him to back off. To not let anyone tell you what to think or how to live your life. To stand up for yourself and not let any put you down because of it. And then making sure we take care of those who need it. The older I've gotten the more concerned I've gotten with the people around me. The more I learn about the life of Jesus and the more I want to be like him, the more I understand the need to love and take care of others, no matter what.

It saddens me deeply when I hear people complain about how much attention people in need get. I know the older I've gotten the more God has softened my heart (I mean, who sheds tears while watching "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style?).

Anyway, I'll probably post some writings on the Poets Death next week.

This is a poem by Emily Bronte I really like. It's called "To Imagination"

When weary with the long day's care,
And earthly change from pain to pain,
And lost, and ready to despair,
Thy kind voice calls me back again:
Oh, my true friend! I am not lone,
While then canst speak with such a tone!

So hopeless is the world without;
The world within I doubly prize;
Thy world, where guile, and hate, and doubt,
And cold suspicion never rise;
Where thou, and I, and Liberty,
Have undisputed sovereignty.

What matters it, that all around
Danger, and guilt, and darkness lie,
If but within our bosom's bound
We hold a bright, untroubled sky,
Warm with ten thousand mingled rays
Of suns that know no winter days?

Reason, indeed, may oft complain
For Nature's sad reality,
And tell the suffering heart how vain
Its cherished dreams must always be;
And Truth may rudely trample down
The flowers of Fancy, newly-blown:

But thou art ever there, to bring
The hovering vision back, and breathe
New glories o'er the blighted spring,
And call a lovelier Life from Death.
And whisper, with a voice divine,
Of real worlds, as bright as thine.

I trust not to thy phantom bliss,
Yet, still, in evening's quiet hour,
With never-failing thankfulness,
I welcome thee, Benignant Power;
Sure solacer of human cares,
And sweeter hope, when hope despairs!

Monday, September 17, 2007


Monday Night Fooball! Kick-off is in 2 and half hours. Redskins vs Eagles. I got my jersey on. I'm ready for a big win and ready to be 2-0. I got nachos and ice cream for the game. It's going to be a great night!

A little personal note. I've been trying this year to...I guess you'd say heal some broken relationships. There are some moments in my life that I'm not proud of and I've basically ignored that fact that they ever happened. They make me look like a jackass and a lot of people were hurt in the process. Only a small handfull of people know about these things and they're the ones who were affected by them. I've sent e-mails to people apologizing for my actions and asking for forgivness and expressing apperciation for their friendship before things hit the fan.

I've been a little discouraged because I haven't gotten any replies. But part of letting God heal you is letting go. I feel I've done my part and I can't do any more and so I need to let go. I'm not perfect and I never will be and there will always be parts of me that need God to fix and heal. If my life is a story then I can't ignore parts of it. A book with missing chapters is confusing and not a good book. I can't wait to be whole and completely fixed to do what God wants me to do. I will miss a lot of moments to do great things if I wait. I need to let God continue to heal and fix me where I need to be healed and fixed but be out doing his work. The discple didn't have their stuff together when Jesus first sent them out.

I feel like everyday is a breakthrough on some level for me. It's good.

Because everyone loves music videos...Another video in honor of Facedown fest (I'm really getting excited for it). Here is War of Ages with "Strength Within"

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Top 5

I'm feeling inspired this morning... kind of. Anyway, here's the run down on my Top 5 records of all time.

5. Joy Electric - The White Song Book

Why Joy Electric? Why not? I wasn't really a fan of Ronnie Martin's electronic music until this record. This is the first JoyE record that truly captured what Ronnie was capable of doing. A perfect pop record in every aspect. What Ronnie does with all analog snyths is incredible. I wish someone would release this record on vinyl.

"We are Rock"

4. MxPx - Slowly Going the Way of the Buffalo

I've been an MxPx fan for a long time. I've always enjoyed listening to them. Slowly Going the Way is without a doubt my favorite MxPx record. I can't say enough good things about it. If you don't have this record, what are you waiting for?

"Tomorrow is Another Day"

3. Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary

What is called the Godfather of emo records. I think most people fell in love with SDRE when they first heard Diary. Jeremy's raw intesity and poetic lyrics are completely moving every listen. Although I love everything SDRE has released since Diary and I love Jeremy Enigk's solo records and the Fire Theft album, nothing comes close to Diary.

"A Song About an Angel"

2. Hopesfall - No Wings to Speak

Although this record is an ep and only features 4 songs it does not diminish it's greatness. The beauty of this record is incredible. The End of an Era is still one of my favorite songs ever. About a relationship that has come to end because two people have different paths in lives and wishing that God blesses the other person in their endeavors. I love the song. This record makes me wish Doug had never left Hopesfall and that we would still have some great screamo.

"The End of an Era"

1. Starflyer 59 - The Fashion Focus

I love Starflyer 59. My favorite band. Their early shoegaze stuff made me fan up The Fashion Focus made me a fan of indie pop. A break from the layer and layers of guitar driver rock music the Fashion Focus was a perfectly crafted pop record. Truly the record where I fell in love with Starflyer 59.

"I Drive a Lot"

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Tread on my Dreams

I'm a litte down right now and it's based on some confussion. One of my goals in life to travel and see as many new places as I can. To go out and see the world and experience new things. Good deal right? I'm taking a vacation in November. I wanted to go Ireland. It's a little too expensive for me. England is cheaper but something doesn't feel right about going to London. Am I crazy? Who would pass up a chance to go to London? I am... I am crazy.


Facedown Fest East Coast is September 29. I'm excited. I didn't go to the last Facedown Fest (although I wish did, N.I.V. was there.) In honor of Facedown Fest I give you Alove for Enemies. They're playing one of their last shows at the fest. Here's their video for "Tread on My Dreams".

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

When Bryan Speaks...

I write because it helps me get things off my chest and it keeps a certain sense of creativity flowing through me. But today I'm writing to have a record of things I'm learning, something I can come back to. So sorry kids, no crazy youtube video, music video, or song lyrics today. (does anyone read this crap anyway?)

Spiritually I've felt like I've been getting my ass kicked lately. Knowing what God has called of me and what he wants me to be a part of and about and not getting anywhere close to it. Plus dealing with cleaning out my emotional and spiritual closet and figuring out who I am as a person and in God and it's been a tough or so for me spiritually.

I'd like to spend my time praying outdoors. But I'm a spoiled American and when it's hot and humid I'm inside and when it's freezing cold I'm inside. That leaves a couple months a year when I can spend my time praying outdoors. The reason I like being outdoors is that there's something about being in God's creation, just him and me that opens me up. I don't "pray" very good. The best way for me to talk to God is by actually talking to him, just rapping and letting him know what's up. And God gets that because at some point as I'm talking I say something profound (not really profound but it's always is exactly what I need to hear/say at that moment). Everytime. EVERYTIME!

I'm always amazed at how simple the revelation fo God can be. And what struck me tonight was it's not about where I am. I don't have to be perfect and have everything in my life figured out or lined up to be out there doing what God's called me to do. It's not about me, it's about God. Mark batterson has a saying that I really like. "Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God." This is the same thing. I shouldn't let what's wrong with me stop me from doing the work of God. My imperfections can't stop his perfection. So I need to be out there doing what God has called me to do.

The other thing was I need to stop jumping God's timing. If God has promosied me something but said it's not time I don't need to be out there trying to make it the right time. It never works and it only makes me mad.

Alright, I lied about no video. I've been listening to Josh Tillman's record "Long May You Run" the past couple of nights and I'm completely loving the record. Here's his video for "Seven States Across". Enjoy some good sad bastard music.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The Suffer and the Witness

I always enjoy a good punk record. Lots of energy, lyrics that means something. Not since Squad Five-O's 2004 release "Late Breaking News" had I heard a good punk record. But that changed today. I discovered (a year and a half later) Rise Against's 2006 record "The Suffer and the Witness". Tim McIlrath is one of the better lyricist I've heard in a while. I'm really upset I'm just hearing Rise Against.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Hail to the Redskins!

So it's been a busy, fun-filled weekend.

Friday night I went and saw 3:10 to Yuma. Now, I'm a fan of westerns. I think cowboy movies are great, not as good as kung-fu movies but still fun. So naturally, I enjoyed it. You don't get many cowboy movies anymore (and Brokeback Mountain does not count).

Saturday was kind of sad. Michigan again lost. I mean they got beat down. Gone is the possibilty of a national championship. If only they would fire Lloyd Carr.

Saturday night was another story. UFC 76 live on spike and it was a good one. Well for two fights anyway. The first two fights ended in knock outs (the reason I watch fights). The main event, the Rampage fight, was a pretty good fight. It went all 5 rounds and Rampage won but man was it hard for me to keep my open. I was too tired to stay up that late.

Now, we'll get to what's really important in life, the opening day of the Washington Redskins football season. I've been waiting since December for this day to come. My house was full of people eating nachos, all wearing burgandy and gold. And... WE WON!!! 16-13 victory over the Miami Dolphins. I was excited. Here's looking forward to a great season with lots of football.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Sending You Strength

Sometimes there are songs that have meaning at a certain time in your life. I really like the song "Connected" by Means. I'm really excited to see them live at Facedown Fest in a couple weeks. Plus this song has meaning for me right now. So...

I keep lying awake at night
Cause i cant sleep
I know you remember me
When you're gone
How could we forget
We're connected
You can take this to the end
I will be strong

You can take it
You can take this to the end
And further
My brother
I will be strong for you

I am sending you strength,
Sending you strength
I hope we never forget
My brother
Now i am sending you strength

How far do we have to travel
Just to be home again
And will we recognize eachother
If there are scars on our faces

All of this time
I know i could count on you
You make me stronger than i could ever know
As we move on
You can take these words
You can take these words from me

Take these words
We cant forget we're connected
Take more than words
Take life from this

All of this time
I know i could count on you
You make me stronger than i could ever know
As we move on
You can take these words
You can take these words from me

I am sending you strength
No matter where you are nothing changes
I am sending you strength
No matter where you are nothing changes

Sending you strength
Sending you strength

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Raising Your Voice...

LA Ink is at commerical and I need to post this.

If you don't listen to Hammock you need to!

Monday, September 3, 2007

No Reservations

So I enjoyed my day off. I got to sleep in. I spent most of my day chilling on the couch playing video games. Sounds like a great day.

As multi-talented as I am, I also spent the day watching Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. I've seen an episode but today was a marathon. I spent a good chunk of my afternoon engulfed in this show. A cynic who goes around the world. Sounds like my type of show.

My new goal in life is to travel more and see places I've never been to before.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Life Goes On

First off I must say that Michigan losing to Appalachian State hurts. Not a good way to start the college football season.

Anyway, I love the three day weekend. Having Monday off makes me happy. The bank being closed Monday and having to wait until Tuesday to get money doesn't but that's ok. I think I'll go to the zoo tomorrow.

Also, Pumpkin Pie makes me happy. I happen to be eating some at this moment. It's very good.

Here's a song I was enjoy today. "Life Goes On" by Pigeon John

Thursday, August 30, 2007

When Coffee Attacks!

I love coffee. I've tried to quit drinking coffee before and I've just com to the conclussion that it's a dumb idea. I drink a lot of coffee. It doesn't really keep me awake anymore but at least I can pretend. I'm a big fan of flavored coffee. Hazelnut is the best but we have French Vanilla at work (certain people I work with don't like Hazelnut).

Anyway, about 1:45 this afternoon I got a headache. I took a couple of Bayer and decided to have a cup of coffee. Poured my cup (with cream and sugar of course) and was walking back to my desk when a co-worker in front of me decided to throw their arm backwards. They slapped my cup of coffee and I got a nice hot cup of coffee all over my shirt. First, it did hurt like the dickens. Lucky for me, I always keep a sweatshirt at work so I was able to change out of my wet t-shirt and wear a sweatshirt for the rest of day.

This would be the second time in 07 that a cup of coffee was spilled on me. The first time being at Barnes and Noble when a women turned into me and dumped her coffee onto my sweatshirt.

So I will be watching more carefully where I walk (for at least a day).

Monday, August 27, 2007

And there was money in the streets!

I'm not a big Monday fan. Friday is a way better day for me. But today was not so bad. I woek up before my alarm (which doesn't upset me because the sound of my alarm does). Got in the shower and started singing "The Arms of Sorrow" by Killswitch Engage. I'm not really a Killswitch fan and I'm not sure why I woke up singing this song but I did. Had to wait til I got to work to actually hear it but still...

Anyway, I got to the parking garage same time as usual and as I'm backing into my parking space I notice some money on the ground. This excited me. I got out of my car and picked up the $6. What a great way to start off your day!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

The Advent of a Miracle

I posted about Shai Hulud's "Hearts Once Nourished With Hope And Compassion". Tonight I'm going to talk abvout another hardcore record that I still love. Strongarm's "The Advent of a Miracle" (1997). Similar in style to Shai Hulud (both records share the same drummer). Aside from have more melody then Hearts Once Nourished, the biggest difference between the two records is Advents spirituality. Spirit Filled Hardcore at it's finest.

"This is all that I believe
To bear witness to my calling
My life escapes me, my days they shorten
These final breaths to testify" (These TimesThat Try Men's Souls)

"A life of self sacrifice, a new creation
Devotion to purity, in the midst of light conviction
Set fire, to the hearts desire, taken by storm
No longer in the dark, dwelling in shadows nevermore" (Supplication)

"Formed, in the palm of GOD's mighty hand
Shaped, by the work of his will
And alive from the breath of his loving heart
Man's inspiration, is GOD's touch on the quickened nerves of the spirit" (Council of Perfection)

"I've seen the face of redemption, I've closed my eyes
I've felt the hand of grace, mend my broken heart
I've pierced my savior's sidefeel, with deceit and lies
In the mist of betrayal, still repentance waits" (More Bitter Than Death)

"Only love can fill the void, when the world has taken it's toll
Hand in hand, by your side, we'll walk down this path together
I'll take you to the place where promises will never break" (Advent of a Miracle)

"Creation groans for completion
Truth wakes in understanding
And the morning comes yielding peace
Oh how I long for this to be
Truth" (Sorrow is a Sage)

"Change starts a thought and can only be taught
With deep concern, the heart through the mind through time, learn" (Increase)

"The thing that drive us to hate, to love, to lust, to greed, and to good is
Every soul is born with that vague undefined hole
We search each other's eyes for answers and find none
God will break the yolk that burdens you" (The Fall of Babylon)

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Dangerous Business Since 1979

I downloaded this mashup record, "Incorporated" by the Legion of Doom. Incredible stuff. Hardcore and emo mashups. Not really songs I enjoy on their own but together I'm loving. Great record that you can download for free on their message board. Check it out.

Monday, August 20, 2007

When the Sky Pours Down Like a Fountain

I like rainy days. Today was a rainy day (well, rainy evening). It was 68 degress in Washington, DC. 68 in August... I loved it! A nice cool late summer day, a rainy evening. There's something comforting about rain to me. Today reminded me of an early fall day, which I love. I know people kind of dread fall because it means summer is over and winter will be here soon but I love fall. The leave turn and fall from the trees, football season, apple cider, halloween, my birthday, cooler weather (I know, I'm abstract).

There's a rainy day atmosphere that's nice. What can be depressing about rainy day to most people has a certain appeal to me. Staying indoors and listening to the rain fall on your roof. Running around outside and getting soaked. I have some good memories associated with rainy days. A good rain is refreshing. It cools off the air in the summertime, waters the plants. Something about sitting down with a nice cup of tea on a rainy day with some Billie Holiday on the record player in the background... creates a nice little backdrop to life.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Why did I stay?

I went and saw Superbad tonight. I almost left. I probably should've. It's the only time I've ever been to a movie and even thought about walking out. Why did I stay?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Writing on the Walls

I enjoy writing. It's good for me. I nice release for me to talk about nothing. Sometimes I'm inspired and write deep, meaningful things (to me at least). I can be personal. But I enjoy writing about absolutely nothing as well. Writing about my lunch is just as good for me as writing about my personal beliefs or struggles.

Why I find it enjoyable and freeing is that it's just me and my computer (I don't hand write anything). If someone else reads this it's ok because they're reading it.. I've already wrote it. I'm not concerned with their response.

Real life isn't like that. I won't say anything without thinking about it first. Why? Because I don't want to sound dumb. I called a friend today just to say thank you. They asked why and I had no clue why. I just wanted to thank them for being awesome and being my friend. Not really something I do but I felt it was called for.

There's no point to any of this. Just....writing.

Now... if I could only find someone who will listen to me talk about lunch.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


I'm kind of uninspired tonight. I had a thought of something to write but it's passed.

I'm currently enjoying St. Vincent's "Marry Me". This is only my second listen but I'm really digging this record.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

All Around Me

I'm not a huge Flyleaf fan but I'm really digging this song.

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you owe me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

Friday, August 10, 2007

Be Quiet and Drive

I took a drive tonight. I just got in my car and drove. No destination. Just got a cd, got into my car, and drove. Just spending some time clearing my head. I always enjoy just driving. Taking the roads you always wanted to but never had a need to actually go that way. Gas is to expensive to justify doing this all the time but tonight I needed it.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Beliefs and Obession

I have a love/hate relationship with the hardcore scene. I'm a big fan of the music but outside a handful of bands I can't listen to it at length anymore. But there are a couple of records that have a special place in my heart.

Shai Hulud's 1997 record "Hearts Once Nourished with Hope and Compassion" is one such album. Musically intense and lyrically thoughtfull I enjoy this record everytime I put it on.

"As we embrace righteousness, we embrace life
Purified, united. set aside from the majority
I will serve as an example to man as hope
By defending those I love with my life
I stand here bold and strong
As a testament to my abstinence
My heart is open; this slate is clean." (Soley Concentrating on the Negative Aspects of Life)

"I can only stand in front of a broken mirror for so long
Staring at the reflection of failed attempts at love and a black heart.
My heart, once nourished with hope and compassion, now is black as death.
Trudging forward, broken, devoid of love
I am nothing more than scars." (Outside the Boundaries of a Friend)

"With so few actions, so many words.
Won't take this complacency anymore.
I won't accept the criticism of my peers
I won't accept this objection.
I cannot judge others lives only to justify my own
One more word and I'm broken
One more word." (Beliefs and Obsession)

"These hand should cleanse your soul of the lust and the greed of this world.
And they call me a fool as they do so well.
Destroy the morality none have known for so long if ever at all
And I would lay down my life to birth a new generation of a righteous culture." (Profound Hatred of Man)

"We grasp at endless questions for a sense of hope
It's not so simple to sit and wait
We cannot embrace our roles blindly

Minds are in suspended animation
Due to an attachment to this established lifestyle
My existence will not be dictated like a reading from a book" (Eating Bullets of Acceptance)

"Sadly I've learned there's no truth in comfort;
Well-being stems not from love.
Anguish proves to be my only means of solace,
Yet I want to be held by anyone,
With any arms" (For the World)

Monday, August 6, 2007

Through Wounds We Soon Will Stitch

Revelations are nice to get but man can they hurt.

I read Christine Caine's book "Stop Acting Like a Christian, Just be One" and it was pretty good. There's a 31 day "devotional" at the end and I'm going through it and keeping a journal. Being honest with myself has sometimes kept me from keeping a journal because when I start typing it's hard for me to stop. I've come to find the more I write, the more I talk, the more insightful I become about my life. Which is great but tonight was insight that brought me to tears. For the first time I can to see that what I saw as my biggest weakness and pint of setback is actually a slap in the face to God and it's me telling him I don't like who you made me. It hurt me to come to this place but now the healing and transformation can come.

Saturday, August 4, 2007


It's been a good weekend so far. Last night I went to dinner with Becky and Jake (like every weekend). This morning my brother and I went and saw the Bourne Ultimatium (which is great and you should see) and then went to lunch. I skipped going to church tonight to just sit back and relax. I finally finished reading "Jesus in the Margins" by Rick McKinley and I am currently playing Mario Kart (do we even need other video games?). Tomorrow I plan on watching the Tick again. Season 2 comes out Tuesday and I feel like I should watch season 1 again.

There's a great band called Loss a Child. They recently released their third album called Adam and Eve. I highly reccomend to get this record. The album was released by the Lost Children Net Label which is an online label that has all their albums available for download. If you're looking for good music for when you're studying or just something to have on in the background download this record.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Dear Tragedy

So a quick little story to put a wrap on my day. I went to Starbucks to meet jay. Got my drink, took a sip, and then spilled the entire thing on myslef and floor. It kind of sucked. Now I think my sister has just shrunk all of my t-shirts. Awesome.

Tomorrow's friday and a half day at work so things are already looking up.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Joy in Release

So tomorrow I'm going to change the sandwich up a little. I got some marshmellow fluff, so it'll be peanut butter and fluff for lunch.

For probably the first time in my life, tonight I brought forward a very personal struggle as a prayer request. Something that I'm come to notice in the last couple of days as a point of struggle I've been dealing with it. And instead of holding on to it and trying to deal with it alone, I was able to just release it and share it with people who can keep me in prayer and ask me how things are going. It was very freeing and it's something I'm glad I did.

Currently listening to Amiina's record "Kurr". Very chill. Reminds me a little of So Percussions last record.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Brother Sister

This morning I woke up singing "O Porcupine" by mewithoutYou.

"at the garden's edge beneath a speechless sky
as his friends all slept
Jesus wept – and now wonder
and now you say you wanna be set free?
and wanna set me free?
well I'm told that can only come from
a union with the One who never dies

[while, in my little world, I patched a plaster wall
and in my little world, I was waiting (just dying!)
to take offence at something
this is all there is in my sad little world]

in darkness a light shines
on you and on me

I never gathered figs from a thorny branch,
I never picked a grapefruit off a bramble bush
and for the past five – almost six years now! –
you know you haven't once looked at me
with kindness in your eyes
you say Judas is a brother of mine?
but sister in our darkness a light shines
and all I ever want to say for the rest of my life
is how that light is God,
and though I've been mistaken on this or that point,
that light is nevertheless God."

So I grabbed the record on my way out the door and listened to it on my way to work. Aaron is probably one of my favorite lyricist. I can't help but dance when I listen to mewithoutYou. Great band.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Peanut Butter and Jelly

When I was in grade school I took peanut butter and jelly (strawberry) sandwiches for lunch everyday. I mean EVERYDAY. What did I care, I was 7.

My life seems to have come back full circle where I seem to be taking pb&j sandwiches for lunch everyday again. And the reasons are different. For starters buying a loaf of bread, peanut butter, and jelly is cheaper then eating my lunch out everyday.

But my reflection was based more of going back to something I loved as a child and how it's a reaccuring theme this year. I mean they made a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Transformers movie. I love cartoons still.

It seems the older I get the more people ask me when I'm going to grow up. Which I still don't understand. I mean I have a birthday every year. Tomorrow I will be one day older then am today. My beard looks better today then it did a year ago. And don't think I'm naive about this. I know what people mean.

An ex-girlfriend once lamented how she would be glad when I got over this "college phase". This came up out of talks of quitting my my job to road trip across the US and backbacking thru Europe.

I'm 23 this year. I've had a full-time job since I was 19. I don't make a lot of money but I enjoy my job (no matter what I might say from time to time). I like wearing jeans and black t-shirts everyday.

And so this concept of "growing up" esacpes me. This idolize American dream of going to college, having a nice, making lots of money, getting married, having a nice house in the burbs with your 2.5 kids don't fit with me.

I'm happy eating pb&j everyday. I'm happy living in Washington, DC. I'm happy kicking my computer at work when it crashes. I'm happy being outside the norm. I'm happy watching cartoons on Saturday morning.

I'm happy being me.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Rainy Day Reflections

Today was a rainy day. We've gone most the summer without rain but today it rained. And I reliezed I like rainy days. Just sitting inside or on the porch looking out into the darkness of day. To hear the water hit againist your roof (or the sound of water dripping into a bucket as it leaks from your roof). I sat inside reading Rick McKinley's book "Jesus in the Margins" while listening to "LP2" by Sunny Day Real Estate (you know, the pink album) and Pedro the Lion's "Control".

As August approaches, I have a real sense of sadness come over me. I'm excited for Casablanca on the mall, and seeing Unwed Sailor, and excited to find a place and move. But with August comes my friends heading back to grad school. Not that I've gotten to hang with them as much as I would've liked but I enjoy having my best friends in the area and around me. Life happens. People get older, they to school, they move away, they get married, they have kids. You move on and grow up to become whatever is it you will become. It's not a sense of lonliness that I feel but a sense of absence.

Despite that statement I feel some of my relationships are better at a distance. It's weird to me that I will talk to people more when they're away then when they're accesible. It also makes me wonder if there's something about me that people don't want to be around me? But I think I'm just being paranoid.