More Dead Than Alive (Get Away from the Medicine)

I recently finished reading Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts. There's a statement at the end of the book that I really like and it fits with my current state of spiritual thought. He said;

"You feel like life is always leading up to something, but it isn't. I mean life is just life. It's all happening right now, and we aren't going to be any more complete a month from now than we are now. I only say this because I am trying to appreciate everything tonight."

I feel like the idea of perfection is a false christian dream that is instilled in us and some of us torture ourselves for years trying to be who God wants us to be and worrying about all the stars lining up and we miss out on life. And missing out on life sucks. I know I've wasted too much time trying to get my life in order and honestly, my life isn't in order and I don't think it will ever fully be in order and I don't think God wants my life to be in order. because when things start to line up and life seems to be taking shape nicely I put God on the back burner and that's a terrible place to put God.

I had a goal this year to do just do more stuff and to live life and you know what, I failed. I spent a lot of time worrying about things and not doing anything to change them. I spent too much time trying to make sure my relationship worked instead of just enjoy it and enjoy her being my girlfriend. I spent too much time bitching about my job and half-heartedly finding finding a new one instead of just enjoying the moments that were good or moving on and trusting God to take of me. I spent too much time thinking about how poor my relationship with God was instead of just being in relationship with him.

Things in life don't have to be perfect for life to be good and enjoy. My life doesn't have to be figured out for me to be happy. I wish I lived that way. I don't.

Mark Batterson always says "Your focus determines your reality." I love that statement. I have it posted on my computers, at work and home. I'm trying to hold onto that.

My life isn't nearly as bad as I think it is. Life is actually pretty good. And even though I'm far from perfect and far from where I know God would like me to be I know he can still use me.

Life is a story. Life is journey. Life is meant to be lived.