Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! Tonight I will head over and stay with my parents and spend christmas morning there. I believe the christmas night movie will be The Spirit. I love Frank Miller as a comic book writer but I'm not sure how he'll be as a director. I was going to go see the new Tom Cruise film Valkyrie and a movie about Nazis with no german accents sounds bad but I'd much rather take my chance with the Spirit.

I hope everyone has a great Christmas. Enjoy your family.

Fading Away

Listened to Demon Hunter's "Storm the Gates of Hell" while jogging this evening. Big fan of the song Fading Away.



It's in this wake that I find myself
Losing the will to resume this Hell
When every breath is a dying wish
It's harder to follow the point of this

This broken place that I call my home
Has deepened the sorrow that I have sown
And I can't erase what is in my heart
I want it to finish before it starts

My own solution insufficient again
No false illusion, this devouring threat
I break the vessel, giving air to its red

And open my fate to the darkened sky

[Chorus:]
I've been fading away
I've been waiting on the call to reach my veins
Ready or not
No attention to waste
Every sorrow of the soul will read my name
When I cease to exist

So now I've come to the final sleep
I pray that forgiveness is mine to keep
I know it's hard to forget this man
Driving the failure into your hands

My own solution insufficient again
No false illusion, this devouring threat
I break the vessel, giving air to its red

And open my fate to the darkened sky

I went jogging in the rain, in the dark. Not my favorite conditions for a run but it was nice. Relaxing.

My brother booked me a show at the Music Cafe in Damascus. He's the man. I'm super excited to be playing live again and playing most of these songs for the first time. My brother is working on flyers and posters which I'll post when finished. December 26th. Come out, please!

Basketball is on my tv for the first time this season. I boycotted the NBA last year during the playoffs because the games were terrible. I hadn't watched this year because there is football and hockey to watch. But alas there is no hockey tonight and I'm just looking for something to be on in the background and the sorry Wizards are just that.

I'd like to take this moment to say I really enjoy the Churro at Baja Fresh. Very tasty. I'd also like to say that it would be awesome if Giant carried their popcorn chicken more.

Raided by Waves

Currently enjoying some sweet potato soup and Yuengling. Doing a little fooling around on guitar. Once I finish dinner I think I'm going to the music store and pick up a couple of cables and odds and ends before I try and do a little recording. I'm going to go very minimal and do mostly just guitar tracks, possibly some light percussion and maybe some bass lines but I really want to put together a collection of thee guitar tracks I've had. If for no other reason I just want to have a demo to shove out and play live. I don't care that much for the idea of recording and putting out music, as I've said. But one needs to do it to play live and have people listen and enjoy that which is created. Although honestly I don't care to have people like what I make and that's an honest truth. I just enjoy playing and would like to have people share in my joy of creating what I think is some rad music. Let's all sit around with coffee and beer in hand and enjoy the sounds of my guitar creating beautiful meoldies. Sounds fun right?

I think I'm honestly at a crossroads in like and how I choose to deal with it is up to me and at the moment at least I want to completely shake things up and just try a bunch of things I've wanted to see happen for a couple years now. I need a change somewhere. I think part of the change that God has given me has been good and very helpful but I think there's some bigger changes that need to be made. I hope I don't mess up too badly.

Thanksgiving is a couple of days away. I'm pretty excited. Good food. I love turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, pumpkin pie... I'm hungry. Tomorrow or Thursday I'll have a post on being thankful and the things that I'm very appreciative of this year.

I'd be lying if I said anything other then I'm super excited for Christmas. I've done 95% of my shopping thus far (which turned out to be even bigger then thought). I love christmas. It's very exciting. I get far too into giving. I love buying christmas gifts for people. I did it last year and I'm doing it again. I have a lot of joy giving gifts. It's exciting. I wish I had that same joy all year.

The other reason I love Christmas is the music. Not the same dozen cheesy songs you hear on the radio. More like...

Stress and such has caught up with me. I am home from work sick today. I'm not really of fan of being sick.

There's a line in the song "It's Hard Not to Shake..." by Zao that is hitting me in the head right now.

"I am not a prophet or a teacher. I am a failure of God."

This is how I feel right now. I'm down. Saturday night playing drums and worshiping was a great moment of grace and peace that I wish had stayed. It confirmed that I shouldn't quit the worship team. I wrote a song about 5 years ago called What are you waiting for and I said, "what are you waiting for (someone to hold me), what are you waiting for (someone to save me). I've been held, I've been saved... What am I waiting for?

Maybe I'm trying to hard. I'm pretty sure I'm not trying hard enough. I know I'm spending too much time trying to fix myself and work on myself instead of letting God come in a fix me. Why is it so hard to just accept grace and now that there is nothing I can do but God can change is reform me if I let him.

This is a song we played Saturday night. I love it.

Carmen...

God can use all types of things and people to touch people's lives. In the early/mid 90's it was Carmen. I sat down at my computer yesterday, went to youtube and started watching Carmen videos. How did he do it? I'm perplexed. I don't get it. I don't understand it. If you don't know who Carmen is I will now post music videos and let you experience Carmen for yourself. Enjoy... sort of....

Rocket and the Bomb

So I don't really want to talk about the election. I did vote 3rd party. Both Obama and McCain had their strong points and weak points and in the end I'm hoping for 3 good years from Obama(the 4th will be spent running for re-election and not our country). For those complaining about Obama, hopefully you prayed for God's will to done and will continue to pray for Obama and our country. If you'd rather bitch that's your prerogative but let's try to keep some positivity.

I feel lately things have been crazy. My schedule is jammed packed and my free moments are fleeting. I'm not even sure how things get so busy. But lately I'm going crazy and having to back out of things (sorry Steph, I feel like an ass for pulling out on you). I'm trying really hard to rely on God and maintain my relationship and growth. I feel there's a lot of moving forward that needs to be done and just working hard and accomplishing. There's a calling on my life that I don't fully understand or even really know but I have a semi direction and a definite passion and I'm hoping to make the most of my life.

On a side note, it is November meaning I have started listening to Christmas music. I am excited.

Good Old Christian Music

Breathe

I forgot to post Rob Bell last night. Carley came over and I was feeling very sick. My apologies.

Rain

Currently watching game 5 of the world series. It's raining and Phillies are up. Only half an inning more before it's an official game and can be called. It would be lame if the Phillies won on a rain called game but I called that they'd win it in 5 and I think they'd pull it off anyway. Clearly a better team.

I've caught to great videos by Rob Bell. I'll post one tonight and one tomorrow. It's been a while since I've read his books and I don't listen to his sermons but I might have to add his podcast. The video I'm posting tonight brought me to tears.

Building a Better Me

I'm headed on vacation Sunday. I'm really looking forward to getting out of the area and just relaxing and refreshing. My mind, body, and spirit all need this vacation. I'm on a cruise that goes through Canada and New England. I can't wait to get out of town.

When I get back I'm looking forward to recording and finishing the Echo Broke Alone record and working on a brand new musically endeavor with a friend of mine.

I don't have a whole lot to say but I want to leave you with three songs that are really speaking to me right now.

"How could you love someone like me? What have I done for you? All of the times I’ve turned my back. Things I did not think through. But you still care for me in spite of what you’ve seen. You shed your blood for me even though I do not deserve your grace. You’ve shown your faithfulness. Please help me do the same. I am so thankful for my life. I could not ask for more. I don’t want to just take up space. I’ve already wasted so much time. You shed your blood for me even though I do not deserve your grace. You’ve shown your faithfulness. Please help me do the same."
Slick Shoes - Constancy

"I killed the Son of God today.
I built the cross where He was slain.
My sins,
The hands that held the hammer that drove the nails through His skin.
Someday I win.
I want to make it up.
I want to die to myself for You.
It makes me fall apart,
When I think of all that You went through.
I owe my all to You. (I owe my all to You)

Because when it came to do or die.
You died for me,
Though I would be nothing perfect,
For human eyes to see.

My hands are Yours for works.
My eyes will seek until I've found You.
My legs will walk the earth,
Until You tell me my work is through.
I want to make it up,
I want to die to myself for You,
You are the one that I love,
I owe my all to you. (I owe my all to you)

I met the Son of God today,
He said "I forgive you for My pain",
He took my sin that held the hammer that drove the nails through His skin,
He said I win.

I'm a new creation through You,
Created for You by You.
So make me worth Your while,
Put me to use."
Dogwood - Do or Die



Dogwood - Building a Better Me

I haven't blogged in a while. I've been without internet at home for a handful of days so having it back tonight is nice.

Tomorrow morning I'm getting tattooed. I'm really excited. The Patton family coat of arms. Representing my family, although I'm sure my parents would much rather I represent without getting a tattoo. I can't really explain the excitement or joy of getting tattooed but I'm hooked.

The craziness that can be my life is pushing me to really rely on God for everything. Without him things start to spit at the seems and life becomes overbearing. I'm learning to not lose sight of my relationship with God. If I can keep that in order and make that my number 1 priority, the rest of my life seems to work out.


Here's some Underoath for you

40 Days Under the Knife

So my fast ended this weekend and this is the 40 day fast blog. An overview of the thoughts, ideas, and workings of the last 40 days. God did a lot of challenging and growth work in my life this fast. Where as my lent fast was a showing of issues, this fast was a lifting of burdens and a deeper understanding of joy in Christ. There's a lot of cliche christian slang and terms that will be thrown around and already have and I'd be ashamed except it's all true and I'm not sure how else to express myself.

Day 1 started with a prayer that I wrote down. An underlying theme for where I wanted my life to go and go through for this fast.

"Father in heaven,

I seek you for the next 40 days. I ask that you'd reveal yourself to me in a fresh way. I seek you for wisdom and guidance in my life. I have lost the passion that once burned in my heart and I'm not sure where to go. I can't and don't want to do life without you. I invite you to come and challenge me and make my life uncomfortable. Break me and rebuild me. Show me the direction you want my life to go. Help me take steps in the right direction. I need you.

Your imperfect son"

Lesson learned; If you ask God for something, he'll answer.

I don't think that when I asked God to break me he would do it in such a large movement. Because break me he did. One night at home building a shelf and the next minute I'm on the floor crying the hardest I've probably ever cried. And the overall tone was just being tired and life as is. That things had come to a place on boring, lifeless relationship with God and I was just done with it. God has more in store for me and I was tired and not living up to my potential. I was completely disturb for about 2 weeks because I had no real idea about what prompted this outburst and complete discomfort and sense that something was wrong. And there were moments and even days where things felt good but overall I felt disturbed and I felt like my life was a failure. I spent a lot of time fighting against myself.

One verse changed this feeling. Matthew 11:28-30

"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

I spent a good hour in prayer the night I read this verse and I told God I was sick and tired of the life I was leading. That trying to live up to some man made standard wasn't working for me. I was tired of the bullshit and I just wanted to live in the love of God and my life move and flow and operate out of the love of God. And nothing else was going to matter. And I prayer for a freeing of my spirit, the whatever hold satan had on me, he would no longer have because Jesus had come and set me free and satan has been defeated. And I swear with all the honesty that is in me I literally felt my shoulders get lighter and warmth fill my heart and God whispered "Everything will be alright". And I spend the next 30 minutes laughing and crying and praising God. And yeah it sounds like some Sunday morning tv message but I swear it happened and life hasn't been the same since.

There was a lot God showed me. The passions he placed inside me hadn't gone away, I had just failed to see the situation and place that God had put me in. The opportunities were there and I had just failed to recognize and act. I think the way has shifted but not the idea and I see where God can take this and where it could go.

And lastly I think the point to live life with abandon and to the fullest was reitterated. Just enjoying life and having a good time and also not waiting till I'm where I think God wants me to be to do what he wants me to do. I think I spend far too much time worrying about my state of mind and less on how awesome God is and that it doesn't matter what shape I'm in, he can use me anyway. More times then not where I am is where he needs me to be. I'm also learning that it's not always how we handle or react to a certain situation/sin but how we come out of that and how we move forward.

I just feel free and I'm loving just being in love with God. Hopefully that shows a little more and hopefully I continue to grow in the right direction.

Pearl of Great Price

It always strikes me as amazing when something you've read in the bible a hundred finally hits you in a new way. Reading the sermon on the mount and it's incredible that the things Jesus says strike me as new concepts. And I think how I read things always has to do with where I am in life. I wouldn't say I'm looking for something new but a fresh perspective has been a prayer of mine and that's what I'm getting. The more and more I go through life the less and less concerned I am with doctrine and church philosophies and the more concerned I am with how the bible speaks to me and how it can apply to my life. The church has become less about worship and a sermon and more about the people and the purpose. Going to church is more about what I can do to help others then what can I get from church. My life is messed up and not perfect. It probably will never be. My thoughts on spirituality change and grow everyday. And the words of Jesus become really thought provoking and challenging to a lot of things I've known growing up or assumed. I always wonder what the church as a whole would be if we could learn to work together and live as Jesus talked about.

A quick thought

Lucky are thee who happen across this blog. 2 in one night. Not really looking for debate, more of just a thought on the words of Jesus and my lack to grasp it as right. Sometimes I wonder why the bible is written the way it is. Like there had to have been someone in the crowd asking Jesus questions as he spoke that's not written. Scripture can be so vague it can be frustrating. I was reading the Be attitudes in Matthew this evening and came across the little blurb on divorce and the last verse stuck out at me as something very overlooked. I make no secret that I always take the words of Jesus has the basis for my thoughts on how to live my life and everything starts with the Gospels for me.

So Matthew 5:32 says "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."

I believe Paul comments on the matter in a similar matter. It's one of those verses that never gets talked about and it strikes me every time I read this verse. Is it wrong for my girlfriend's mom to be married again? Is it wrong for my good friend's dad to be married again? Not to say they shouldn't be allowed the chance to be happy to be married again but is it wrong? What was Jesus saying? It's just a verse that always strikes loudly with me and really makes me think.

World Wide Waste of Time

So my last post was my 100th post. I guess I could've made a comment about it but does it really matter?

So just as I started posting again I'm going to stop. At least for 40 days. As I was driving home from work, talking to Carley about fasting and trying to decide what to fast it hit me like a 100 pound sack. Starting on Monday I'm fasting my home computer. I waste far too much time on the internet at home after work. Mostly downloading music or just looking up useless crap. My time on the internet could be spent in a thousand more productive ways. I'll still be on the computer at work and checking my e-mail there but not at home. I need to use the time I have at night to spend with God. More so then I have been lately. It's sad. I'm looking for God to really re-spark a passion in my life for him and the things he's placed on my heart.

I'll keep posting through Sunday. I'm going to keep a notebook of my thoughts and ideas as I go through this fast (as I won't be using my computer for keep such thoughts). I'm really excited to see what God does through this fast.

It's 90 degrees, 100% humidity, typical summer in DC and I go jogging for an hour

Not sleeping real well lately. It sucks. Plus deciding it's time to lay off the coffee when you're not sleeping... sounds like a terrible idea. I made it through today and I know I'll be good till Thursday. Friday is a whole new ball game and I hope I can last that long. Usually I don't so my hopes aren't high. Coffee is a great thing that doesn't really help me wake up (thus the cup after cup consumption) but I always feel better when drinking coffee. But I'm drinking way too much again and so to help cut back I need to cut it out of a while. Updates to follow.

I'm not a huge summer fan. And everyone says the same thing, "it's not the heat, it's the humidity". And it's true. The heat with the breeze wouldn't suck. But feeling the air as you walk outside... it's a total killer of great days. I'm thinking because the trip to the zoo was botched 2 weeks ago I should try again this Friday. I'm keeping a close eye on the weather. Even in shorts I sweat a lot and I will just complain in the heat and humidity with the smell of monkey poo in the air. It will not be a good day. Maybe I can handle a briefer time out doors hitting up some mini golf and then finding a bowling alley with ac. Yeah....

BTW, go see Hell Boy 2 this weekend. It's going to kick ass.

Rite of Spring

I've been writing far too little lately. Part of that I'll blame on moving and transitioning, but mostly it's me being lazy and not taking the time to write. Or if I do I feel like there's nothing to write and thus don't.

Another fourth of July has come and gone and another year not going to see fireworks. But there was Wii Bowling, fire crackers on the front porch, steak, and cheesecake, so who really can complain?

I've been contemplating a 40 day fast. I haven't decided what to fast yet but my lent fast was a really good time for me and there was a lot of growth moments and now I just really need God to speak into my life and show me where I need to go next. There's a lot of stalled ideas and passions in me that need direction, redirection, or a renewed purpose and fire. Jeremiah 29:11-13 has been such a strong verse in my mind and has been brought to my attention of numerous occasions.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

God has given me visions and passions for a reason and to let the sit and fade away is not what I intend to do with them. I really take my fast seriously and I'm not going to fast something to give something up. I fast media in my car and used that time to pray. I want to fast something to be replaced with me seeking God. Not giving something up to give something up. I really need to reconnect with my passion and with my God. My spiritual life can be too up and down and that inconsistency shows far too often. I wish I were more in tune with the things of God then I am. I want to be in the will of God and most days I couldn't feel farther.

For those wondering, no the title of this blog has nothing to do with DC punk rock and everything to do with classical music. Currently listening to Igor Stravinsky "Rite of Spring"

I hadn't realized it had been so long since I had written until my girlfriend had said something to me. I'm not sure where to start or what to write about. Life is kind of a crazy mix bag of all sorts of stuff. Mostly all for the good. I've been dating a wonderful girl who lifts my spirit and keeps me smiling. The want to change and be better for someone else is a first for me. It's been awesome and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I'm really just enjoying life. Spending a lot of nights seeing live music. Doing things I haven't done in years (ice skating, the zoo). Just enjoying myself. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself. It's nearly July. Crazy!

I've really started getting back into Comic Books. I'm digging the summer movie season (as I do every year). Really looking forward to Wall-E on Friday and I'm super excited for both Hell Boy 2 and The Dark Knight. Loving the comic book movies this year. Nothing will probably top Iron Man but still digging what we got.

I wish I had something more inspiring the say but I don't. So here's some MxPx

Life is all about taking things in and putting things out

I have my studio set up in the other room and I'm hoping to get some music recorded during the course of this week. I hope that the stillness and emptiness of the house combined with having everything set up will help me move toward recording. I really can't understand why it's so hard for me to sit down and record music that I'm very happy with and like playing. The motivation just isn't coming. I don't get it.

I've begun to see where my life gets thrown off track. Things I love that I just quit doing. A year ago I spent a lot of time outdoors, downtown, taking pictures. It was something I loved doing but I stopped. I'm not sure why I stopped but I did. One of those things I love doing but don't do anymore. My goal is to take 1 picture a day. Of the normal, of the dull, of the beauty, the pain, whatever. One picture a day. When the creative, expressive side of me gets snuffed out, my passion for life and God fades. It's a shame that it happens to often.


Another goal is to start reading like I used to. I want to read a t least one chapter a day, Monday thru Thursday. I'm not sure how I waste the hours I have between work and going to bed but somehow I manage to. I just want to make better use of my time. To spend more time outdoors, to read, to be involved in things I love, to use my creative energy.

All in all though, I'm super happy right now. I'm getting ready to move and I'm really excited about that. I have an awesome girlfriend how is challenging me and helping me grow in new ways. I'm really optimistic about what the future holds for me.

This Kind Of Life Keeps Breaking Your Heart

I hate feeling like there's nothing I can do to help. When there are no words or actions to help a situation and you're completely at lose of what you can do other then love and be there... it's not quite feeling helpless but it's close. I hate not knowing how to help...

Stars in the Rearview Mirror

All this rain in DC the last month has really been a downer. I know I said I like rainy days but not for my entire spring. I also love being outdoors in nice weather.

I took a phone call and between writing that first line and now my original train of thought is gone. But I'll go with this. God always seems to bring along people into my life to help shape me and guide me at times that seem critical to me. I'm always blessed in different ways by the relationships that come and go in my life. Reflection backwards is always where I see how something impacted me at that moment.

I know there are things in my life God wants to change and I know what they are and since lent ended I've been struggling with moving to see aspects of my life alter toward who God wants me to become.

I'm not going to hazard a guess as to why certain things happen or why certain people become part of my life. I think it's more important to thankful and take advantage of the time we have with those God has given us for whatever moment of time we have with them. There are things to be learned from everybody and I try not to discredit anyone for any reason.

Having said all that I'm really grateful for Car. I'm glad God has allowed me to be a part of her life and vice versa. I can see past experiences helping to shape who I want to be and who I want to be to her and for her. I have a lot I could say but I'll keep myself to that. It's nice to have someone who will accept your past as who you were and help you along as you grow and will let you help them grow. I feel blessed beyond measure.

Stranded Under Endless Skies

So I saw Hammock Sunday night. Incredible, moving, spiritual, great experience. I was so excited to see them live. I bought a copy of their new record "Maybe They Will Sing for Us Tomorrow" and it's mind blowing. I have nothing bad to say about Hammock. Their is something deeply moving and spiritual about their music. It is without a doubt the most meaningful music in my life. From the very first listen to the new record. I've always been touched in some way.

The first time I ever heard Hammock was December 20 something the year Kenotic came out. I had gotten my car stuck in the snow. I had the Burnt Toast Vinyl christmas mix on my cd player and Winter Light came on. I had a great sense of peace come over me and I put that song on repeat. Didn't change songs for 20 plus minutes. I got online and bought the cd that night. Always Wishing You Were Somewhere Else and Take a Drink from My Hands have brought me to tears on separate occasions (I just had Always Wishing on my cd player and broke down). Monday I was listening to the new record at work and as soon as "Maybe They Will Sing for Us Tomorrow" came on something hit me and I started to tear it up.


They're a great band and their records should be bought and enjoyed in full.

Maybe They Will Sing

So I'm about to head out the door to see Hammock perform their second live show ever @ the Iota in Arlington, Va. It should be an awesome show. Plus Stars of the Lid is playing and they have Shiner Bock on draft at Iota. I'm looking forward to a great end of a great weekend. If you're in the DC area and are not going to this show, you're missing out.

Also, go see Iron Man! I've seen it twice this weekend and it's awesome.

Doubt Becomes the New Addiction

So I've been able to put off blogging for weeks now and the thought about writing has popped into my head several times but I've managed to find other ways to waste. I apologize to my reader. In this blog, probably some useless information, probably some deeps thoughts I've been dealing with, no info about the lady (sorry Steph).

I've really started to get back into record shopping. I've spent a lot of time (and money) at Joe's Record Paradise the past 2 weeks. I appreciate the store and they have a good collection and I always manage to find something awesome and something unexpected whenever I go in there. Good stuff. Go buy records.

I've reached a place in my life where I'm trying to figure out what it is I want to do with myself. God has given me desires and ambitions that I'd love to see come to fruition one day but having goals and ideas and reaching them are two different things. I think the struggle as of late has been trying to figure out what steps to take to try and see some of my goals come to life and just being able to trust that God has given me these desires and he has a way for me. Jeremiah 29 has been on my heart a lot lately. The reminder that God has good plans for me is where I'm trying to keep my head at and stay focused on and just a good reminder when I start to feel discouraged. Without really going into details I will say there will be a Friday night Backyard BBQ concert happening this summer. Perhaps multiple. Details forthcoming.

I've had some ear problems for the last week that have put me in a terrible mood and have really messed with my mind in a bad way and it's been discouraging and heart wrenching. It has brought out the worst in me and yet made me come to a place of admittance and repentance which I needed to come to. I think doubt can take over and make you over react and question God in a negative, hurtful way and I hit that low this afternoon while driving home in the rain. It brought me to tears and it brought me to an admittance of lacking in my life. Those moments of brokenness and honesty with God is where he speaks the most in my life. Which is how I'm sure it is with most people. I don't know why with God I spend so much time trying to defend and hide myself from him when he already knows everything and when I put my guard down is when he takes full advantage of my weakness. I don't want to live like that but I'm thankful for the moments when this happens and I hope to get to a point where my guard is always down with God.

So that's it. I'll post more... maybe.

Converse Love

So I'm feeling a little under the weather and I have this terrible feeling I won't be getting any more sleep then normal. It sucks. But what can you do? Drink a lot of ginger tea thats what.

So I bought some new converse high tops today. Pretty sweet. I might have to do some editing. They're double layered and two pairs of laces will only make me mad. So the bottom laces must go. Black laces look cooler anyway. Converse Chuck Taylors are the great shoe ever made. I've been wearing them for 10 years and I don't see myself having footwear loyalty anywhere else. The day the quit making these shoes will be the worst day of my life.

Here's a song I love. "Carmi Times" by Side Walk Slam

Real

Two post in one day. Consider yourself lucky. But I'm waiting up for my brother so here we are.

So I had been rockin' a mostly vegetarian diet for a little while now and I've recently gave it up. It was a tougher choice to stop then it was to start. The reason I had started was it was a conviction and a way to practice spiritual discipline. Which sounds weird that God would have one stop eating meat.... but it's true and I was convicted when I started. But for the last couple of weeks I had been struggling with the idea of why I was still doing it. And I think it was less about spiritual discipline now and more about being fashionable. It wasn't a martyrdom but it was more something I could say about myself and it no longer had the meaning to my life like it had whence I started and so.... I enjoyed a hamburger on Friday night... and on Saturday night.

I think the discipline gained from when I started were very good and have carried over in other dimensions of my life and I think my eating habits are a little bit better then when I started (maybe very little). I think God can use many different things to help us grow in lives and relationship with him and I'm glad this was a way he used with me.

But I can wait to get my hands on some Shepherds Pie!

As Cities Burn - Come Now, Sleep

I'm not one to write record reviews. I'm just not very good at conveying why an album is kick ass. It's not my style. But I can tell you why I personally enjoy certain record. Thus, As Cities Burn.

There are moments I enjoyed on the first As Cities Burn record and I really grabbed the new one on a whim. And I'll say "Come Now, Sleep" isn't the most musically inspiring record I've ever heard. The songs are about as standard post hardcore/emo as one can find. But the lyrical content of this record is really appealing to me. Usually my second listen through an album is with the lyric sheet to what it is any band/artist is saying. This is one of those records that lyrically move me. It's a very honest reflection on the difficulties of being a follower of Christ and that appeals to me.

"Remember we used to speak.
Now I'm starting to think,
Your voice was really my own,
Bouncing off the ceiling back to me.

God, does grace reach to this side of madness?
'Cause I know this can't be,
The great peace we all seek." (Contact)


"Cause I was a pharisee,
I never saw my need for grace;
Then your love came to me
stood next to mine, and I saw that I was poor." (Empire)


"They're steady, steady breathers,
Who won't lift a finger for the gasping weaker.
You just hoard your hollow completion,
Like it's something wearing thin.
Like it's gonna get you in, When heaven comes.

'Cause when heaven comes,
I swear it comes in love.

Grace make your way to the well,
To those who deserve it.
After all they've earned it.
But vain, it's in vain,
'Cause they don't need it." (Hoard)


"forget about being honest
forget about being passionate
wear that smile like you feel it
even when you don't" (This is It, This is It)


"Is your love really Love?
Is my love really Love?
I think our love isn't Love,
Unless it's Love to the end.

Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn't God,
If he fits inside our heads." (Clouds)


"If I make it to heaven
I may be as bloody as hell.
Would you still take me?
I'm afraid that you might say,
"Depart from me, I never knew you."

All the love I want to give,
Gets caught between every rib.
What does that make me?
I have good intentions,
But no exit for them to come out right through." (Wrong Body)


"I'm sure if you wanted to stop love,
You could just untie your end and let it go.
But, my God, you don't.
Yeah, I think I love you for it." (Our World is Grey)



Lyrically I love this record and I recommend it to anyone with an interest in rock music.

Easter Thoughts

So it's Easter morning and while I'm in thought I'd figure I'd share them with the fine readers of this here blog.

I've been thinking this week about the Easter season and a little... saddened that my attitude going to into Easter this year seemed to be the complete opposite of what it was last year. And there are a handful of reasons why but mostly I've come to mindset that my life this year is in such a different place then it was last year that to have the same response would have meant no growth. Last year at this time I sat on my bed listening to Amazing Grace, reading Isaiah 53 with tears streaming down my face. Last year was probably the first time in my life I fully realized what it was God had done for me and what that meant for me.

This year I've just come of a lent fast that really challenged me as a person. I spent a lot of time in praying and a lot of time learning things about myself that I had managed to ignore. I come to this Easter still grateful for the Salvation I have through Christ's resurrection (I'll still tear up when I hear Amazing Grace). I feel blessed for the friends I've made since last year and for the places I am. This year at Easter I look forward to the things God is doing and going to be doing in my life, to the changes he's bringing, and I take this moment to thank him for his Love.

"The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures."

Isaiah 52:13- 53:12

"See, my servant will prosper; he will be highly exalted. But many were amazed when they saw him.His face was so disfigured he seemed hardly human, and from his appearance, one would scarcely know he was a man. And he will startle many nations. Kings will stand speechless in his presence. For they will see what they had not been told; they will understand what they had not heard about. Who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm? My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all. He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. Unjustly condemned, he was led away. No one cared that he died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream. But he was struck down for the rebellion of my people. He had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal; he was put in a rich man’s grave. But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands. When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins. I will give him the honors of a victorious soldier, because he exposed himself to death. He was counted among the rebels. He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels."

This video blew me away.

I won't say I've been sick the last 2 days but I certainly don't feel right. Something is off. That's about as good an explanation as I can give.

I've been writing a lot since I've gotten back from Florida. It's a good release and even if I'm writing utter crap at least I'm writing.

And now to the point of this blog. I'm a big fan of people being creative and it doesn't really get more creative then this. This is a video of DJ Ramsey using tape decks.

I'm back from Disney

I meant to post last night but getting to bed was more important then speaking mainly nonsense. My trip to Florida was exciting. I've come to the conclusion that the idea of going to Disney is more exciting then being at Disney. Maybe I need an older, less family crowd to go with for it to be as exciting as the idea of going. But that did not upset my trip (well, not for long anyway). It was, for the most part, relaxing. It took going to Disney to meet someone at church (it's weird when you recognize someone you've never actually meet and they happen to live near you and go to you church). I met and talked to Emery at the Magic Kingdom (again a random experience). I read a book on the trip down and a book on the trip back. I felt accomplished. All in all it was a good vacation (except the sunburn on my ears).

A Simple Idea

I have a handful of friends that I could talk to for days on end without ceasing, on any topic and enjoy every moment of it. It's not that I forget about these people because I notice it when I haven't talked to them in a while. But man... when you get to talk to them again and it's like no time has passed and you're talking for hours about nothing important at all and deep meaningful real life things. It's awesome. This is how I like to think of God.

Every New Day

So I'm not very intentional in my writing and there are a couple reasons for this. Most importantly is it's fun. As soon as I start trying to write intentionally I think all the joy will be taken out of it. So I go through periods of where I write all the time and I go through periods where I write constantly. But I've been thinking a lot lately and I feel like I have a lot to say but it to words isn't always easy for me. Which is the second reason I don't write intentionally. I don't like to force myself to form thoughts and I don't like spending a lot of time thinking about things. I like to write and put it out there. With that in mind... here we go.

I had a thought last night. Not so much a new thought, just a refigured thought.

I'm in the midst of a 40 day fast for lent.I'm three weeks in and I must say it's been a great experience and it's been something of a living hell. The idea of giving something up to spend more time with God has been great. I think over the long hall this fast will be very beneficial to my life. The hard part is for it to be beneficial is that in the process of this fast I feel like I'm being refined and redefined by fire. The first day of fasting I asked God for wisdom and guidance. What I didn't expect was that the wisdom and guidance would be about my character and who I am. Deep personal issues that have been around for years, that I've known about, but mostly ignored because... well they've been there for years. A month ago I scribbled on a piece of paper a statement that rang very true last night.

"There's a state of mind I need to leave, but the blankets warm and it fills a need."

That's where I am. In a place that's not good for me, but feels good. The problem with ingrained habits and thought patterns is because they've made a home it's not easy to just kick them out. To grow I know what I need to quit doing but the how isn't a clear cut answer. But I think an admittance is important and in the longer run I think my life will grow a lot more without these certain issues.

Now to that point (that was a long tangent). The thought that keeps coming back is it's ok to be radical. Which has me thinking... can one whom drinks, admits he's never going to have everything figured out, questions everything, swears when he gets mad, votes democrat, be a "radical" believer. And I think you can. I don't think we can't cross being perfect and being a follower of Christ. I know I've done some weird things for God but I think my life is pretty normal and I'm not a "weird Christian". And... I want to live with a passion to the things of God but I don't want to shelter myself and change who I am. I don't want to compromise my beliefs and convictions, even if they don't gel with other peoples.

Yup. There you have it.

Dread Champions Of The Last Days

So I was going to write a little piece on Freedom but my evening has been thrown off track so you'll have to wait at least a day for that. Instead I'll give you a random fact about myself.

BP is deathly afraid of snakes!

I've been listening to a lot of Sleeping Giant the past 2 days. Great band!

The Joy of Music

I bought Fugazi's "Instrument" on vinyl in November. Still sealed. Great pick up. (I actually bought the entire catalog on vinyl but this was the only on sealed). I finally opened it up and gave it a listen to. Great album anyway, but the first play of a record... awesome. Better then listening to the cd, better then listening to it on an ipod. Vinyl is still the way to listen to music.

The Fear is What Keeps Us Here

It's been a while since I've posted an actual post where I talked about anything. So today might be that day.

I'm digging the title to the last Zao record. There's something about "Fear Is What Keeps Us Here" that resounds with me. The idea that we don't move and do things because of fear is a idea that hits with me. As a record it's awesome, Zao throws down with the best. As a thought, I love it.

A friend of mine posted a line from Donald Miller this evening that I really like.

"I think we are supposed to stand in deserts and marvel at how the sun rises. I think we are supposed to sleep in meadows and watch stars dart across space and time. I think we are supposed to love our friends and introduce people to the story, to the peaceful, calming why of life. I think life is spirituality"

I actually have nothing to say. I'm very sorry.

Valentine's Day Got You Down...

Have no fear. I have come to rescue your Valentine's Day strife. Patton Proudly Presents "I Gave Her My Heart, She Gave Me a Pen: A Valentine's Day 08 Mixtape"

Whether you're looking for some sweet tunes to share with you significant other or just looking for a soundtrack to help you drown your loneliness while you eat that box of Whitmans you bought yourself (don't be ashamed, I do it it). So enjoy some sweet music on this sweet day!

http://www.mediafire.com/?20nm2gji0zi

Nothing is Ever Enough

A couple of years ago Derek Webb released a record called "I See Things Upside Down". It's not a bad record. There are two songs I love on the record. The first is called "Better Then Wine". The second is this incredible song called "Nothing is Ever Enough." I believe the first time I heard this song I stopped whatever it was I was doing and listened to this song. It gave me chills. Whenever this songs come up on itunes I get chills. I highly recommend you find this song and listen to it. You won't regret it.

You Make Me, Me

As I said yesterday I'm in love with Mxpx. The song "You Make Me, Me" is my new favorite song at the moment. It's what World Waits was a couple months ago. I'm a sucker for a good love song. Songs that bring a smile to my face, that make me feel good. This is one of those songs. If you're reading this you should go pick up a copy of "Before Everything and After". I love it.

Every night I get down on my knees and pray
And thank the Lord above for you each day
I was lost and then I found you
You make my ocean, you make my sky blue

You make me smile
You make me sing
You make me scream
You make me, everything
You make me, me

What blessings has the Lord stored up for me?
You are the answer to that mystery
I was lost and then I found you
You make my ocean, you make my sky blue

You make me smile
You make me sing
You make me scream
You make me, everything
You make me laugh
You make me cry
You make me live
You make me die
You make me, me

Height won't separate us from this love,
Depth can't separate us from this love,
Can't separate from this love...

You make me smile
You make me sing
You make me scream
You make me, everything
You make me laugh
You make me cry
You make me live
You make me die

These days so few seem to have faith
In the son of man and in his grace
I feel your breath upon my face
As you replace, my broken wings

You make me sing
You make me scream
You make me, everything
You make me, me

You make me, me

Before Everything and After

So it's been a while since I've posted. It's not that I haven't had anything to say, more just a lack of wanting to communicate it with the blog world. I'm trying to be more careful of what I post. It's hard when it comes to spiritual things because I want to keep a written record of things and I want people to feel free to ask me how things are going in whatever. Lent starts on Wednesday and this is the first year I'm doing a 40 day fast. I'm not fasting food but I think what I am fasting will be a challenge to maintain. I hope come the end of the 40 days I will have kept myself to this fast.

I had written off Mxpx after The Ever Passing Moment came out and never listened to Before Everything and After. On a whim I picked it up a couple weeks ago and listened to it for the first time this evening while walking. I actually really like this record. Some songs hit you just right at certain moments of your life.

With great sadness I see it all come crashing down

So I have a flare for dramatic titles sometimes...

I've been reading "I Love You is Back" by Derrick C Brown. He's a damn fine poet. I enjoy is writings, I love his music, his spoken word makes me laugh and think.

My brother works at a local coffee shop and I found out tonight he know has a drink named after him (if you ever go to the Music Cafe order a Bobby Latte). I had one for the first time tonight. It was awesome. My second favorite (or possibly third) favorite coffee drink. The Hazelnut Latte at Ebenezers is still boss.

While enjoying some conversation with a friend and writing some poetry I watched the Power Puff Girls Movie. Despite what your current state of laughing The Power Puff Girls are awesome.

Word

"But suppose we seek to be made right with God through faith in Christ and then we are found guilty because we have abandoned the law. Would that mean Christ has led us into sin? Absolutely not! Rather, I am a sinner if I rebuild the old system of law I already tore down. For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die."

Galatians 2:17-21

Seeing You Off The Edges

So I have a couple things to say tonight. The first is my gut reaction and some reflection to a sign I saw today. There's a church on Old Georgetown road as you're coming into downtown Bethesda that always has something on it's sign out front that makes me laugh. And honestly I don't take too much of it seriously because it's always something that seems to me be nonsense. But today it caught my attention. Today it read "The church is a hospital to the sinner, not a resting place for the saints". Simple and to the point. And my first response was something to the effect of "those bastards". It's sad that I went there and here's my initial thought behind this; that the church is there for those who need Jesus. Let me defend myself. I'm not saying people don't need Jesus and I'm not saying that church shouldn't be a place where people can come to the Lord but... I feel there is a large portion of churches that have made the church a place where people come to the Lord and not a place where Christ followers come to get feed and encouraged. I think we often let the church do the job of getting people saved and not having people get people saved. I always go back to Acts where the people got saved and then came into the church. Not came into the church and got saved.

But that's not really the point. I actually reread this a couple of times and thought about it. And actually... I agree. I think it's really sad that I went to the sinner as the unsaved and it's unfair. Because I spend most of my day sinning. As a Christ follower I sin just as much as someone who's not. And all sin is equal in God's eye. So just because I'm not sleeping with my girlfriend doesn't mean I've gotten off free for the day because I did look at that girl on the street lustfully. No one's a saint. We're to strive to be like Jesus, to achieve perfection but we all fall short of the glory of God. And so I like the idea that it's a place for sinners. People who want to get better.


Second idea of the day has to do with the way God works. Which I must say frustrates me from time to time. In a nut shell, God had answered a prayer he'd put on my heart many years previous to the answer. The answer came in the form of a friendship and relationship built on the desire to be more honest in our walks with God and a desire to learn more about him. This relationship has been in limbo for many months now and it was very frustrating to me why, because I couldn't figure it out. But I had finally made peace with it and put the situation behind me and was looking forward... until tonight. I read this verse.

"Now I am coming to you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to you. I don’t want what you have—I want you. After all, children don’t provide for their parents. Rather, parents provide for their children. I will gladly spend myself and all I have for you, even though it seems that the more I love you, the less you love me." (2 Corinthians 12:14-15)

It instantaniously brought me back to this relationship which I had thought I'd put behind me. Sometimes God isn't ready for us to let things go... and sometimes I have to ask why?

Mono

Hope Springs Eternal

Don Miller is my favorite writer. He has two books that I highly, highly recommend, "Blue Like Jazz" and Searching for God KNows What". Great books. Don speaks at Imago Dei Community Church in Portland, Oregon from time to time. Don completely honest and real when he speaks and next time he comes remotely close to the DC area I'm going to see him.

http://api.monkcms.com/Clients/download.php?sid=7&url=http://www.imagodeicommunity.com/ekkmedia/our-hope-in-the-eternal-glory-of-god.mp3&mediaBID=68648

Tonight, Lets All Make Love in London

There are moments when God wants you to do something that doesn't make sense. He speaks to our lives like the parables in the Gospels. They seem to get right to the point like we'd like them to but when you think about it things make sense. I really struggled trying to figure out why I was supposed to change my eating habits in such a big way. It didn't make sense but it felt right, like I was supposed to do it. And then it struck me that it was a discipline issue. I'm not the most disciplined person in the world and I think this was a way to get me to think about my choices and discipline myself in one area to help be more disciplined in others. It's weird and it's been tough but I'm going to stick with it.

Dear Metro Rail

So I want to file a complaint to whomever is in charge of the DC Metro Rail system. Please take note. I am not one to complain about public transportation because I love it and not having to drive in the city is great. But we have a problem. I understand inflation happens and prices have to go up with the changing economy, I got that. But rider ship can't be hurting that bad can it? I mean you are how people get to and from basketball and hockey games. You will be the method of travel to the new baseball stadium. A large group of people even take the train to the football games. To maintain quality of service as a reason for raising your prices is a pretty bad excuse. And here's why I say this... it took me an hour to go from Shady Grove to White Flint. An HOUR! That's only a 10 minute drive. It's normally a 10 minute train ride. 1 HOUR! Thankfully Jer parked at Friendship Heights and I didn't have to go through the construction on the way home. I lost my mind today and decided to try and take a chance on Metro again... and there's a Capitals game. You know it's a bad idea when you get on the train and it's completely full at Shady Grove. The price to ride is increased, the price to park is increased and you're doing construction every week causing major delays! This is not working for me. Our relationship might soon be coming to an end and that saddens me deeply. But let's try and get it together. This doesn't have to end. Get your shit together. Make the price of riding worth it to the customer.

BP

DC

So about this time of year as we settle into winter my playlist shifts from Christmas music into a steady diet of shoegaze, post-rock, and classical music. I pretty much surround myself with music that warms my heart and soul in the cold weather. But so far this year I've been listening to a lot of MxPx, Fugazi, Beauty Pill, just good old punk rock and DC music. The last year and half I've really fallen in love with DC. I've always enjoyed DC and enjoyed living so close to it but lately I love being in DC and saying I'm from DC. I don't think there's an explanation for it. We have a great music scene and a great music scene history (Bad Brains will always be a DC band!). DC's pretty awesome.

By the way, if you live in or with Metro distance of DC you should be at Fort Reno this summer seeing free local music.

To Be Myself Completely

So it's 2008. So far I have only one complaint. The coffee maker at work has yet to function properly in this new year. It just won't make a good, strong pot of coffee and it's breaking my tired heart. Terrible.

So I'm going to outline a couple of goals for the new year. It's been asked why I make my goals public and there's a simple answer, I need to write them down. I make them public because it seems to make more sense to my little brain if I write them in a blog instead of opening up a word document, which actually does make sense because I will never reopen word documents that I've finished writing. Plus it allows those who read to ask me how I'm doing. So here we go.

Number 1, I want to smile more. I know it seems simple and easy and a dumb goal for the year but it's mine. Because I'm a nice guy. Seriously I am. I'm a lot of fun and super nice, and kind of cool but I don't smile often and thus the appearance of me being awesome is lost. Ask anyone who knows me, I am the bee's knees (will anyone not named Dustin Mills get this?). So I want to smile more and give off a friendlier appearance.

Secondly I'm going to finish things I start. I side tracked and lose focus and never finish things I mean to finish. I have a lot of half done projects from 2007 that need to be finished. So I guess before I start anything my goal is to finish things that I've yet to finish.

And lastly I want to continue to be open and honest with people. I did a little bit of that in the latter half of 07 and it was real good for me. What's the point in keeping my struggles and problems to myself? All it will do is bottle itself up until it reaches the point where I explode, which sucks. What do I lose by expressing my struggles and problems with others? Because everyone has their trials and issues and things that get them stuck or their questions. If people look differently at me because I can be honest about my problems then those are people I probably don't want to run with anyway. Where all the same.

I think my biggest goal in 08 is to continue to discover who God is and what he has in store for me. To keep asking questions, to keep learning and growing, to keep meeting people and loving people.

These aren't all my goals but the ones I want to share publicly. God Bless.