Walking Without Effort

There are moments when everything comes together and works out just as you thought and life is good and wonderful and there's a happily ever after moment. We love those. You feel good. God is praised and life moves forward a little easier then yesterday.

And then are moments when we sink and life takes a turn we didn't see coming. Life gets turned upside down and we feel empty and hopeless and like we've made mistakes that mark us as failures. We cling to God because we have nothing else that seems to matter or be working and our entire dependency is on the Father. And then we get through it and praise God. And life gets a little easier and our dependency on God isn't what it was when life was falling apart. And it sucks.

But that's the point right? That life isn't always good and isn't always bad. We won't always praise God or need God the same at every point in our life. The trick is to maintain consistency in our spiritual life. To remain prayerful and be praising God for life, each and every day.



Dear God,

I'm sorry I don't need you like I should each and every day. I'm sorry my faith and dependency on you is based on the circumstances of my life and when things are alright, I put you on the back burner. Please help me give you the praise and attention you deserve.
Amen

How I Met Your Mother Season 4

So I finished season 4 of How I Met Your Mother. This was by far the funniest season so far. I loved it.

First, the season opener episode, where Ted and Marshall had Stella watch Star Wars for the first time, that's my brother Bobby. If he's with a girl and she doesn't like Star Wars, she's going to be out on her ass. You can't hate Stars Wars and be with Bobby. That won't happen. It's his obsession.

Season 4 had a lot more comedy then season 3 (which has been the weakest season thus far). Jason Segal was funny as hell this season. Marshall is by far my favorite character. Although NPH as Barney is great too.

I love Marshall and Lily. Maybe it's my mindset, or my investment in the characters, or the rum I had been drinking, but when Marshall picked Lily up at the airport I cried a little. I love their little moments together. I can't wait to have my own Lily.

Strange Things Are Happening...

So I'm doing laundry. Not that big a deal. But I had to leave to my house and the only socks I had were the ones I use for exercising. Wearing white socks is weird...

Billboard Jesus

I just read this on the Relevant Magazine site and thought I'd share.

"Jesus did not come with bumper stickers or sound bites or with His message scrawled across a giant ornamental cross on the highway. The people He came to save could not be helped with fast-food religion. God made each of us a unique and special creation, and as such we each have our own issues and baggage, our own future to walk through, and our own responses to this fallen world. That is where Jesus wants to meet us—at the deepest point of our greatest need."
John R. Greco

“What you are comes to you”

I'm currently listening to Jennifer Knapp's Lay It Down. It's not a record I love but the song A Little More has always been one that I love. And in my nostalgia this morning I'm giving the record a spin.

So I'm going to be purchasing a new computer. I love Macs but they're expensive. Car said I couldn't switch to a PC because she was about to switch to Mac. When I started pricing things out a PC would without a doubt be cheaper. But a Mac is a Mac. And it is for my studio...

p.s. Next week when I'm not working, I have a feeling my blog posts are going to be more frequent and less useful.

Trust...

The problem with stepping out in faith and having to trust God to take care of you, is trusting God to take car of you. It's hard. And when you have no clue what's next, it's extremely hard. I'm praying and holding on to the things he's placed on my heart... but it's hard. It's really bearing down on me hard tonight.

Just some music nerdom. Please ignore

It's my blog and I can post what I want.

I have a new found love for Relient K. This is video of their drummer.

There Will Be No More Scum

Frodus - SXSW 2009 from benberry media on Vimeo.

Je veux être avec toi

Thanks For Being Away

I've been posting a lot this month. Half is probably worthwhile reading and the other half is my bullshit. And I guess what I'd consider worthwhile reading is still my useless opinion and thoughts on spirituality. Which is probably not that worthwhile after all. I guess that's what I was doing before I went on my blog hiatus.

I feel the need to post things on a semi-constant basis, whether I'm pontificating the spiritual or giving pop culture a much need kick in the balls. I think it's because I like attention... wait, that's not right. It's because I like to talk. That's got to be it. That's why I twitter so much right?

That was it. No real point. Just a need to post and be heard and relevant.

A note

You think you kept me up late. You think you woke me when I should've been sleeping. But I was up already. My being awake was not without a purpose. I could've just as easily been asleep when you called. But I was up to help you. And I'll gladly lose sleep to help you.

Glass in the Tree

So I was listening to Dead Poetic's New Medicine while I was running this afternoon. The song Glass in the Tree has a line in it that always hit me.

"And I'll deserve every bit. because I'm not spiritual yet.
I'm just reading the lines they gave me from the pulpit."

This line always strikes me as interesting. I related to it at one point. It's really easy to go to church and have that be a spiritual dosage for the week. I've heard a lot of pastors lately really push their congregations to study the word themselves and ask questions. That their spiritual life is not the responsibility of the pastor.

I've fallen into the pit before of wanting the church to be teaching and challenging me but not spending my own time in the word. My perspective has shifted and I make sure I'm spending time reading the bible and praying and taking care of my relationship with God.

Church has become more of a community things for me. The sermon every week isn't always life changing and doesn't always speak to me in a personal way every week. Some weeks I'm distracted during the sermon and miss things. But I love going and worshipping with people who love God like me and are willing to accept me, faults and all.

Church isn't my spiritual all you can eat buffet for the week.

...like starlight into the day

So I posed this morning about reading my bible in the morning this week as opposed to at night when I normally do it. I'm having a pretty good day today and while there are a lot of factors that could be reasons as to why my day is joyous, I'm going to credit spending this first part of my day in God's word. I feel like this will have to be a practice that is put in to permanent usage. This will be a good habit to establish.



Mai est-il encore?

A song for you

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific end
You might think I'm losing my mind
But I will shy away from the specifics

'Cause I don't want you to know where I am
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life

Stop right there
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line
Well I never should have crossed it
Stop right there
Well I never should have said that
It's the very moment that I
Wish that I could take back

I'm sorry for the person I became
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

I talked to absolutely no one
Couldn't keep to myself enough
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up and
I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart
And I was positive that unless
I got myself together
I would watch me fall apart

And I can't let that happen again
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life

Stop right there
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line
I never should have crossed it
Stop right there
I never should have said that
It's the very moment that I
Wish that I could take back

Stop right there
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line
Well I never should have crossed it
Stop right there
Well I never should have said that
It's the very moment that I
Wish that I could take back

I'm sorry for the person I became
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me
Who I am hates who I've been
'Cause who I've been only ever made me

So sorry for the person I became (so sorry for)
So sorry that it took so long for me to change (so sorry that)
I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again (I'm ready to)
'Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

Early to Rise...

Just a quick morning word. I've never been a big proponent of reading my bible in the morning, mostly because it involves waking up even early then I currently do. But I'm trying something different this week and getting up early and reading my bible before work.

And I got to say, I'm a fan. Getting the word first thing in the morning is a pretty good deal.

Inked in His Words

So I took my brother out to dinner for his birthday tonight. Got some Bar-B-Que. Yummy stuff.

So the waitress asked about my bible verse tattoo (Matthew 22:37-39). I explained that it was the great commandment and she asked if I lived my life that way. I said I was trying to and she moved on.

I got this verse tattooed on my arm as a code to live by. At the time in my life when I decided to get a tattoo (this one was my first), I had refocused my spiritual life and this was the verse that was my guide and direction for how I was to strive toward becoming like Christ. This was my theology. This was my christianity. To love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. And to love those around me as if I were loving myself.

The moments I regret getting this tattoo is those moments when I fail so hard at keeping these commands. Whenever I treat people poorly, I have a constant reminder on my arm that I've done wrong. I'm trying to get better at these two commands. I'm working everyday at loving God more and more with every aspect of my life. The loving others part is harder. There are people that are so hard for me to be nice to. We all have them in our lives. I want to treat people better. Be a nicer guy.

On an unrelated matter, feel free to ask me about my tattoos. I like talking about them. I love having tattoos. And sorry mom and future mom, but I'm going to get more. Tattoos are awesome!

I Need You

I think I could and might say it every week; Rick McKinley is amazing. He always brings it. And if it's not hitting close to home, he's got me thinking. Probably my favorite pastor to listen to. Yesterday while running I listened to the second part of the Jonah series.

This message hit home and hit pretty hard. I'm not going to to summarize the message because it's a good sermon to listen to. But I will rundown some of my thoughts taken from the sermon.

I went through trial and in my extreme need and emptiness I turned back to God and clung to him to keep me alive. Nothing else mattered except holding onto God. I needed him and of course, he was there for me. The problem is that things are going pretty good now and when things start going good, I rely on God less then I should. I really don't want God to become a background piece of my life. I don't want other things or people to keep me from spending time with my Savior. I want this time to be different. I want to live a life of worship.

Dear NBC Exeutives

Dream On

I have two beliefs: God gives us multiple chances and God never gives up.

So Mark Batterson has a say; Dream God sized dreams. This is a thought that has burrowed itself into my head and I find myself repeating this mantra over and over.

For those who read this and don't know, I quit my job. It's a move out of obedience and a step of faith. Since then I've had God bring an old dream to the forefront of my mind, a dream I've had since I was 18. That combined with Mark's statement about dreaming God sized dreams, it's really got me praying about what my next step should be. I'm going to hold onto this dream and try to not have it get lost again.

Reach for the Effing Stars!

Regret

I'm a little down at the moment. And that''s ok. I believe there are good downs. I believe there are moments that sadden us because they shape us into rethinking things about our lives and changing us for the better. It's one of those downs. And I guess I'd say more that I'm disappointed than down. Certain things hurt so we can move forward and change.

The Church of the New

I'm just going to post videos because it's easier then having to write.

I'm a big Derrick C Brown fan.

Blue Like Jazz The Movie

I love Blue Like Jazz. One of my favorite books. And now it's going to be a movie. I feel like I'm late to find out about this.

From the Director from Blue Like Jazz The Movie on Vimeo.

http://www.bluelikejazzthemovie.com/

The Lost Generation

I had a thought while walking to lunch today and figured I'd share.

I've been listening to a lot of Jay Bakker sermons lately. Going through the archives at http://www.revolutionnyc.com. I've added Jay to my rotation of preachers. The list is small and includes my home pastor Mark Batterson and Rick McKinley at Imago Dei in Portland. Not really similar at all but all in what I'd called the new generation church. Different thoughts but with a similar purpose and new focus and direction from, I guess the old school church way of thinking.

And so this is where my thoughts have traveled. I'm thinking about, what I guessed we'd just call the "emergent" church. And thinking back 10 years or so to my time in high school and where I went to church and my upbringing and how my life has been shaped. And I guess I think more about the culture of the church where I went to high school. I guess the demographic of people I went to church with had to do with the time, pop culture trends, and the area. But things have still seemed to have changed over the last 10 years.

I was very involved in the hardcore/punk rock scene in high school. I loved heavy metal. Loud, "rebellious" music. I wasn't really allowed to listen to "heavy" music in church or on missions trips or other youth group events. I tried once and it got pulled after 30 seconds because it sounds like demons and was devil music. (The band in question is Living Sacrifice, which makes me laugh that this was considered devil music).

I remember being considered a bad influence on certain friends. How it was a big deal that I had piercings and how christian guys shouldn't have earrings. It's not a stretch to say I stood out at youth group.

I will always remember trying to book a show for myself at the church I was attending. I was 18 and played acoustic guitar and sang. I remember the young adult pastor saying he liked my music and wanted to do it but the church didn't support what I was doing.

And I became bitter. There are a lot of issues I have with the christian church based off experiences from my high school and post high school years and from time on staff as a worship leader for the youth group.

I don't have all bad memories from youth group and high school and I am grateful for a lot of that time and the people who were there to help disciple and shape my life. And to them I will always be grateful. And my experiences have birthed goals and dreams in me that I wouldn't have without having been where I was.

But when I look around me know, there seems to be a more accepting attitude towards underground culture with current teenagers. And maybe that's because I can see a broader spectrum and don't have as limited a view point as I used to and have absorbed and witnessed more since leaving high school. And I'm glad to see people willing to let teens be teens and enjoy rock and roll and dress a certain way and just make their own choices about what they like and not label things as evil because they don't understand it. I love that. That's what I've hoped for. I'm glad to see it and I encourage openness in the church.

But part of me feels like there's a generation in our mid to upper 20's that have had to rethink the gospel they grew up on and have had a hard time coming to terms with a lot of new truths because their upbringing have ingrained so much into their heads and to come to a different understanding of truth, it's painful.

I have a deep struggle with my faith because there are things in my life that I have hold to mirror that is what a christian is "supposed" to look like. It's taken me years to just be honest with myself and shake off a lot of stuff that doesn't matter. I struggle with what a modern American christian looks like.

I've come to grips that I don't understand christianity looks like or how it's defined or manifests itself. I said a simple prayer one day. I said, God, all this shit that has weighed on me and tormented me aren't from you and don't matter.

I have a tattoo on my arm. It's Matthew 22:37-39

Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

I had to simplify my thinking down to these words of Jesus. Not that this is all that matters and all I live by but to have the great commandment as a center piece and something to strive for everyday. To not let theology and gray areas cloud my life. To love God completely and to love others unconditionally.

I still fail at this everyday. But I think the trying is worth something.

I've been avoiding writing anything about Haiti. I honestly don't really have anything to say. It's completely heartbreaking. And sucks to have to watch this on the news, hoping that whatever little I can give is actually going to help.

But I also have a fear that in a month this won't be news. That like all other major tragedies around the world and in the US, this will all too quickly be back page news. Tragedy is all to shortly lived in our memories and prayers. It's such a shame.

NBC executives are evil bastards

Anyone who's known me for any length of time, knows I love Conan O'Brien. I loved watching the Late Night in high school and I was super excited when he started hosting the Tonight Show. I love watching The Tonight Show with Conan. If NBC dumbs Conan (which seems like a done deal) I'm going to have a hard time watching anything on NBC. The only show I really watch on NBC is the Office and I'm willing to give that up in boycott. Hopefully Friday won't be Conan's last show (which is now being reported). And if Conan gets the boot, I hope some other network is smart enough to give the man a show. What NBC is doing is wrong. Don't get rid of the only funny talk show host you have!

I'm with Coco!

White Whale, Holy Grail!

I love it when someone can flip a story in the bible, a story you've heard hundreds of times, and give it to you in a new light. Rick McKinley started a series this past weekend about Jonah and managed to take a sunday school story and flip it into a story of Gods love for us. And I'm not saying he manipulated it in any way. He just brought a fresh set of eyes and a new perspective to a story I really hadn't thought about in a while because it's relevance to my life didn't seem to matter.

I really appreciate people who can shed new light on passages of the bible. There's a large chunk of the bible that I always find hard to seem how it's applicable to life today. And there are things in the old testament that doesn't jive with my thinking and more importantly with what Jesus preached and it's hard for me to wrap my head around these things. So when people like Rick McKinley come along and bring a fresh perspective, I love it.

God's word is good.


*note: The title of this post is taken from the great Mastodon song Blood and Thunder

More Of My Nonesense...

http://awaitingelementalmeltdown.tumblr.com/

Reach For the Sky

So a friend of mine has a mantra for 2010: Reach for the effing Stars. I'm a fan of this. So much so that I'm taking this for myself.

Although at the start of this year, reach for the stars seems lofty. I feel like most of the time that Just Reach is a better motto to live by this year.

But just reaching sells God short. He wants us to reach for the stars. To do more more then we're capable of thinking, much less doing.

So Reach for The Effing Stars it is.


*note: I wanted to have a clip of Woody from Toy Story saying reach for the skies right here but I couldn't find one on youtube.

The Hoodie Problem

I'm chilling here, listening to some old school Facedown Records hardcore and editing pictures I took a couple months ago(when it was warm and I felt it was ok to be outside for longer then the length of time it takes to get to my car).

Anyways, I'm wearing my Denison Marrs hoodie. I got this puppy at Cornerstone 2003. And I had this thought. This hoodie is the piece of clothing I've owned the longest. I don't have anything else in my closet or dresser that I've had longer then this hoodie. This kind of bugs me. I have far too high a turnover for clothes.

p.s. The zipper on my favorite hoodie broke. Very sad.

An Open Letter to Direct TV

Dear Direct TV,

I have a complaint. In 2009, right before the start of 2009/2010 NHL season you pulled Verus from your line-up due to a money dispute. I understand they want more money and we are in fact in a recession. I also understand that you do have the NHL Center Ice package available. I am a lucky fan because I'm a Washington Capitals fan and I live in the district and Comcast Sportsnet carries all the games(minus the 7 that are on Versus this season). I am glad I get to watch the Caps.

But I'm a hockey fan. The love of hockey has replaced my love for the NFL. I would love to watch more hockey. The Caps don't play every night and their are other teams in the NHL. The only none Caps game I've watched this year was the Winter Classic. Hopefully NBC will show more games on Saturdays and fulfill a little bit of my hockey interest.

My real concern is for the playoffs. Comcast showed most (maybe all) of the Washington Capitals playoff run last season. This year, I think it's fair to say, we have a real shot at winning the Stanley Cup. I have a fear that when the Stanley Cup finals come around I won't be able to watch the games at home because they will all be on Versus and you have stopped carrying Versus. From fans of the NHL I implore you,

STOP MESSING AROUND AND PUT VERSUS BACK ON THE AIR!!!!

Bryan Patton

p.s. Dear ESPN, why do you have a NHL game of the week when you don't show NHL games. This is confusing and dumb.

Words Have No Meaning Unless You Mean Every Damn Word

I've been compelled to write a lot more this year. And I've been trying to balance myself with creative writing and this blog. I feel weird about some of my post thus far this year. I had pulled away from writing because I was trying to stay away from posting a lot of personal things. And although I've posted a lot this week about my thoughts and things happening with me, I feel I've been able to balance blogging about things and communicating what's been happening in my life with others.

I don't want to get to a place where all my thoughts and happenings are being blogged and not shared, which is what was happening before and it was hurting my relationships.

But I enjoy blogging and sharing my thoughts on spiritual things and complete nonsense (I have to balance both). I don't feel I offer any deep insight or revelation into anything but I try to be honest with myself and represent myself truly, 100% of the time.

So let's see what happens. It's a long year and hopefully I'll have a lot of stuff to say.


p.s. This video reminds me of you.

Colleen - I'll Read You A Story from Leaf Label on Vimeo.

Forever Holy

I'm always amazed at how something so simple can wreck us. I only just started listening to The Glorious Unseen this week and when this this song came on earlier this evening it wrecked my world.



God, You stand when all has fallen
You embrace the long forgotten
I guess it's just hard to believe
The Grace You've poured out on me
I guess I'm just starting to see
How You're working in me

This is what makes my head spin
You're forever Holy
God of all creation
Pour Your life into me
This is so overwhelming
You're forever Holy
God of my Salvation
Clothe me in Your Glory, yeah

God, You hold when all is breaking
You restore the tired and aching
I guess it's just hard to believe
The Love You've poured out on me
I guess I'm just starting to see
How You're working in me, oh Lord

Free Art vs A Source of Income

I don't normally blog this early in the morning but I had a couple of thoughts.

Since I started Echo Broke Alone and have released music under that moniker there's always been one question that's nagged at me; Do I charge for music or should my art be free?

I have a new album coming out in February called My Heart to Heaven. I'm very proud of it and I think it's my best work that I've done. I want people to hear it. With my current financial situation and having no backing for the album, there will be no physical copy, no cd, no vinyl. Which means the only way to get a copy will be to download it. And I feel weird charging for a download.

There are minor expenses that could be recoup, mostly for the artwork, but I recorded the album myself, at my own studio. I did my own mixing and mastering.

The idea behind Echo Broke Alone was to create and music music that drew people to come to some sort of thought or idea or story within the sound. It's not complex, it's simple ambient music, the soundtrack to whatever the listener makes it. I've struggled to finish My Heart to Heaven because the idea was always about the performance of the music, that every performance was it's own unique creation, never to be duplicated again, and the idea of capturing and putting that to a standard format was a hard concept for me to work with.

So now the record is done. And I was going to put the album up on itunes... but my conviction that art should be free as reared it's head again. There are so many places where your music can be posted, downloaded, and heard. The internet has opened a lot of doors for independent musicians. I'm back struggling with myself.

Yes, making money from something I created and put out would be extremely nice. Any extra income never hurt anybody. But that isn't why I started making music and it's never been the goal of Echo Broke Alone. The point was to create something to share with others. And I think the best way to share is to offer it free of charge, for all to experience.

Echo Broke Alone's debut ep, Heart Condition, can be download for free here: http://www.mediafire.com/?u1mzotmyhiz

Story

The idea of life as a story has been swirling around for... a year or two now. Donald Miller gave a sermon at Imago Dei a couple years back about life being a story and accepting the whole of you life. He's written a book and has been blogging about living a better story. And thinking in those terms brings a couple truths.

I know personally and I'd think a lot of people spend some amount of their time thinking about how life could be different. I've wasted far too many thoughts on how I could've changed things or done life differently. And the problem is, it doesn't do me one bit of good. I can't change my mistakes, failings, or things I don't like about my past. What's happened has happened and there's no going back and fixing my past failings.

The idea of life as a story puts me at a crossroad. Honestly I'm not thrilled with where my life is at the moment and really how I've gotten here. And although things are turning around and change is happening, there's still choices to make. As the character in my story what happens next is yet to be written. Which excites me.

Knowing that my story isn't finished and the ending hasn't been written yet. The idea that there's still a chance for redemption and a happy ending and good things.

Trying to live with the fact that what has happened in the past and my life up to now is what will shape who I am and who I'll become isn't easy. There are still things I'm ashamed about and I regret. But without what's happened, I couldn't be shown God's grace and the change in the story wouldn't be so radical and amazing. I think sometimes God needs us to fail so we can see him and he can get the glory for the change in our lives.

What Keeps Us Up

I've been thinking about forgiveness a lot. It's been weighing heavy on me for about a week. I wish forgiveness was easier. Both extending and receiving. I really hate forgiving someone and having thoughts of hurt and anger reemerge. Moving on is tough.

I think receiving undeserved forgiveness is a hard concept to grasp and we still feel ashamed and sorry for what we've done although forgiveness has already been given.

I thank God for his forgiveness. I need it. I mess up constantly and consistently every day. But his grace is bigger and better then my worst.


"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 4:32

Song

Yesterday, for the first time, I listened to Fireflies by Owl City. I mean like I actually listened. I like the song. I now like the album.


I have a passionate obsession with music. I eat, sleep, breathe, live music. I listened to more records in 2009 then the normal person will listen to in the next 10 years. It's sick. I even started a blog to just talk about music.

Music plays a role in lives. It plays a deeper role then I think most of us ever give thought to. 30 seconds heard of a song can have you singing it all day. Catchy songs get stuck in our head. We sing songs without thinking about what is being sung. We absorb music on a daily basis. In film, television, at the grocery store, in our car.

There are song that we attach to certain moments, memories, people. Sometimes we don't realize it.

I have a friend who I think of every time I hear Your Heart is an Empty Room by Death Cab for Cutie. Why? We went to the movies and in the trailer for The Science of Sleep this song played. Now every time that songs pops up on itunes or when I listen to the cd I think about her.

Relient K's Forget and Not Slow Down was the album I listen to on the drive home after my girlfriend ended our relationship. And even though I absolutely love that album, it brings a hint of sadness whenever I listen to it.

I wonder if we were to try and put together a mixtape of songs to chronicle our lives, would we pick songs that had a lyrical theme that best described our life experiences or would we pick songs that reminded us of people, places, and memories? Would our soundtrack be songs that reminded us of high school friends, ex-girlfriends, family, road trips, tragedies, work?

There are songs, albums, bands that I like, not because their music is my favorite but because it reminds me of different times in my life and different experiences and people. There is music that holds a special place in our hearts because of what we attach to it.

Pressing On

I feel uncomfortable posting theological thoughts and ideas because my spiritual life is shaped and formed by my life and experiences and things don't always apply as a vast statement. This is my life and my thought process.

So last night I tweeted that God must get really frustrated with us. I got a response that said "That's what makes grace so amazing." And I couldn't agree more.

I feel like God will prompt and promise things and we wait for him to move. And even in those moments when we act on what's God's promise and prompting is but we never go far enough. We fail to take the obvious first step while we wait for God.

I feel that for a while God has been promising change in my life and it hadn't really seemed like anything was happening. Part of that was a lack of dedication and discipline in my spiritual life. But I feel the biggest downfall has been a lack of willingness to take the first step and initiate the change. Not that God couldn't work change in my life but a lack of faith on my part was preventing anything from happening.

Well I've now taken the first step and change is here. Thank God for grace and second chances and never giving up on us.

I don't know where exactly life is going and where I'm headed. But a new season in my life has begun and God is leading the way.


A man's steps are directed by the LORD.
How then can anyone understand his own way?
Proverbs 20:24