Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Brother Sister

This morning I woke up singing "O Porcupine" by mewithoutYou.

"at the garden's edge beneath a speechless sky
as his friends all slept
Jesus wept – and now wonder
and now you say you wanna be set free?
and wanna set me free?
well I'm told that can only come from
a union with the One who never dies

[while, in my little world, I patched a plaster wall
and in my little world, I was waiting (just dying!)
to take offence at something
this is all there is in my sad little world]

in darkness a light shines
on you and on me

I never gathered figs from a thorny branch,
I never picked a grapefruit off a bramble bush
and for the past five – almost six years now! –
you know you haven't once looked at me
with kindness in your eyes
you say Judas is a brother of mine?
but sister in our darkness a light shines
and all I ever want to say for the rest of my life
is how that light is God,
and though I've been mistaken on this or that point,
that light is nevertheless God."

So I grabbed the record on my way out the door and listened to it on my way to work. Aaron is probably one of my favorite lyricist. I can't help but dance when I listen to mewithoutYou. Great band.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Peanut Butter and Jelly

When I was in grade school I took peanut butter and jelly (strawberry) sandwiches for lunch everyday. I mean EVERYDAY. What did I care, I was 7.

My life seems to have come back full circle where I seem to be taking pb&j sandwiches for lunch everyday again. And the reasons are different. For starters buying a loaf of bread, peanut butter, and jelly is cheaper then eating my lunch out everyday.

But my reflection was based more of going back to something I loved as a child and how it's a reaccuring theme this year. I mean they made a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Transformers movie. I love cartoons still.

It seems the older I get the more people ask me when I'm going to grow up. Which I still don't understand. I mean I have a birthday every year. Tomorrow I will be one day older then am today. My beard looks better today then it did a year ago. And don't think I'm naive about this. I know what people mean.

An ex-girlfriend once lamented how she would be glad when I got over this "college phase". This came up out of talks of quitting my my job to road trip across the US and backbacking thru Europe.

I'm 23 this year. I've had a full-time job since I was 19. I don't make a lot of money but I enjoy my job (no matter what I might say from time to time). I like wearing jeans and black t-shirts everyday.

And so this concept of "growing up" esacpes me. This idolize American dream of going to college, having a nice, making lots of money, getting married, having a nice house in the burbs with your 2.5 kids don't fit with me.

I'm happy eating pb&j everyday. I'm happy living in Washington, DC. I'm happy kicking my computer at work when it crashes. I'm happy being outside the norm. I'm happy watching cartoons on Saturday morning.

I'm happy being me.


Sunday, July 29, 2007

Rainy Day Reflections

Today was a rainy day. We've gone most the summer without rain but today it rained. And I reliezed I like rainy days. Just sitting inside or on the porch looking out into the darkness of day. To hear the water hit againist your roof (or the sound of water dripping into a bucket as it leaks from your roof). I sat inside reading Rick McKinley's book "Jesus in the Margins" while listening to "LP2" by Sunny Day Real Estate (you know, the pink album) and Pedro the Lion's "Control".

As August approaches, I have a real sense of sadness come over me. I'm excited for Casablanca on the mall, and seeing Unwed Sailor, and excited to find a place and move. But with August comes my friends heading back to grad school. Not that I've gotten to hang with them as much as I would've liked but I enjoy having my best friends in the area and around me. Life happens. People get older, they to school, they move away, they get married, they have kids. You move on and grow up to become whatever is it you will become. It's not a sense of lonliness that I feel but a sense of absence.

Despite that statement I feel some of my relationships are better at a distance. It's weird to me that I will talk to people more when they're away then when they're accesible. It also makes me wonder if there's something about me that people don't want to be around me? But I think I'm just being paranoid.