Doubt Becomes the New Addiction

So I've been able to put off blogging for weeks now and the thought about writing has popped into my head several times but I've managed to find other ways to waste. I apologize to my reader. In this blog, probably some useless information, probably some deeps thoughts I've been dealing with, no info about the lady (sorry Steph).

I've really started to get back into record shopping. I've spent a lot of time (and money) at Joe's Record Paradise the past 2 weeks. I appreciate the store and they have a good collection and I always manage to find something awesome and something unexpected whenever I go in there. Good stuff. Go buy records.

I've reached a place in my life where I'm trying to figure out what it is I want to do with myself. God has given me desires and ambitions that I'd love to see come to fruition one day but having goals and ideas and reaching them are two different things. I think the struggle as of late has been trying to figure out what steps to take to try and see some of my goals come to life and just being able to trust that God has given me these desires and he has a way for me. Jeremiah 29 has been on my heart a lot lately. The reminder that God has good plans for me is where I'm trying to keep my head at and stay focused on and just a good reminder when I start to feel discouraged. Without really going into details I will say there will be a Friday night Backyard BBQ concert happening this summer. Perhaps multiple. Details forthcoming.

I've had some ear problems for the last week that have put me in a terrible mood and have really messed with my mind in a bad way and it's been discouraging and heart wrenching. It has brought out the worst in me and yet made me come to a place of admittance and repentance which I needed to come to. I think doubt can take over and make you over react and question God in a negative, hurtful way and I hit that low this afternoon while driving home in the rain. It brought me to tears and it brought me to an admittance of lacking in my life. Those moments of brokenness and honesty with God is where he speaks the most in my life. Which is how I'm sure it is with most people. I don't know why with God I spend so much time trying to defend and hide myself from him when he already knows everything and when I put my guard down is when he takes full advantage of my weakness. I don't want to live like that but I'm thankful for the moments when this happens and I hope to get to a point where my guard is always down with God.

So that's it. I'll post more... maybe.

Converse Love

So I'm feeling a little under the weather and I have this terrible feeling I won't be getting any more sleep then normal. It sucks. But what can you do? Drink a lot of ginger tea thats what.

So I bought some new converse high tops today. Pretty sweet. I might have to do some editing. They're double layered and two pairs of laces will only make me mad. So the bottom laces must go. Black laces look cooler anyway. Converse Chuck Taylors are the great shoe ever made. I've been wearing them for 10 years and I don't see myself having footwear loyalty anywhere else. The day the quit making these shoes will be the worst day of my life.

Here's a song I love. "Carmi Times" by Side Walk Slam

Real

Two post in one day. Consider yourself lucky. But I'm waiting up for my brother so here we are.

So I had been rockin' a mostly vegetarian diet for a little while now and I've recently gave it up. It was a tougher choice to stop then it was to start. The reason I had started was it was a conviction and a way to practice spiritual discipline. Which sounds weird that God would have one stop eating meat.... but it's true and I was convicted when I started. But for the last couple of weeks I had been struggling with the idea of why I was still doing it. And I think it was less about spiritual discipline now and more about being fashionable. It wasn't a martyrdom but it was more something I could say about myself and it no longer had the meaning to my life like it had whence I started and so.... I enjoyed a hamburger on Friday night... and on Saturday night.

I think the discipline gained from when I started were very good and have carried over in other dimensions of my life and I think my eating habits are a little bit better then when I started (maybe very little). I think God can use many different things to help us grow in lives and relationship with him and I'm glad this was a way he used with me.

But I can wait to get my hands on some Shepherds Pie!

As Cities Burn - Come Now, Sleep

I'm not one to write record reviews. I'm just not very good at conveying why an album is kick ass. It's not my style. But I can tell you why I personally enjoy certain record. Thus, As Cities Burn.

There are moments I enjoyed on the first As Cities Burn record and I really grabbed the new one on a whim. And I'll say "Come Now, Sleep" isn't the most musically inspiring record I've ever heard. The songs are about as standard post hardcore/emo as one can find. But the lyrical content of this record is really appealing to me. Usually my second listen through an album is with the lyric sheet to what it is any band/artist is saying. This is one of those records that lyrically move me. It's a very honest reflection on the difficulties of being a follower of Christ and that appeals to me.

"Remember we used to speak.
Now I'm starting to think,
Your voice was really my own,
Bouncing off the ceiling back to me.

God, does grace reach to this side of madness?
'Cause I know this can't be,
The great peace we all seek." (Contact)


"Cause I was a pharisee,
I never saw my need for grace;
Then your love came to me
stood next to mine, and I saw that I was poor." (Empire)


"They're steady, steady breathers,
Who won't lift a finger for the gasping weaker.
You just hoard your hollow completion,
Like it's something wearing thin.
Like it's gonna get you in, When heaven comes.

'Cause when heaven comes,
I swear it comes in love.

Grace make your way to the well,
To those who deserve it.
After all they've earned it.
But vain, it's in vain,
'Cause they don't need it." (Hoard)


"forget about being honest
forget about being passionate
wear that smile like you feel it
even when you don't" (This is It, This is It)


"Is your love really Love?
Is my love really Love?
I think our love isn't Love,
Unless it's Love to the end.

Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn't God,
If he fits inside our heads." (Clouds)


"If I make it to heaven
I may be as bloody as hell.
Would you still take me?
I'm afraid that you might say,
"Depart from me, I never knew you."

All the love I want to give,
Gets caught between every rib.
What does that make me?
I have good intentions,
But no exit for them to come out right through." (Wrong Body)


"I'm sure if you wanted to stop love,
You could just untie your end and let it go.
But, my God, you don't.
Yeah, I think I love you for it." (Our World is Grey)



Lyrically I love this record and I recommend it to anyone with an interest in rock music.