The Caps are on TV, Tristeza is on my stereo and I've been doing a little thinking (YES! The Caps just scored!).

I've been going over a bunch of things in my head lately. I'm just really frustrated lately with my spiritual life. It's hard taking a look at things and asking if I was better a year ago then I am today. Or is it just that because life is different this year that the vantage point has shifted and it looks worse because things that seem bigger are right in my face? There's a general frustration with myself where my spiritual life is concerned. Paul's words in Romans ring true.

"So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it."

A large part of my frustration comes from my own lack of effort put into my personal relationship with God. And I know from personal experience that the more time I spend in prayer and in his words the more peace I feel. My stress and worry and feeling like of spiritual ineptitude fade. That part of the problem is fixed by me making time and putting forth the commitment.

The thing that most bugs me is this pattern of falling into familiar habits and sins and it makes me wonder if I'm just a terrible human being or if there are serious changes that need to made. Again, the answer goes back to spending more time with God, which I desperately need to do.

Speaking of which...