Every New Day

So I'm not very intentional in my writing and there are a couple reasons for this. Most importantly is it's fun. As soon as I start trying to write intentionally I think all the joy will be taken out of it. So I go through periods of where I write all the time and I go through periods where I write constantly. But I've been thinking a lot lately and I feel like I have a lot to say but it to words isn't always easy for me. Which is the second reason I don't write intentionally. I don't like to force myself to form thoughts and I don't like spending a lot of time thinking about things. I like to write and put it out there. With that in mind... here we go.

I had a thought last night. Not so much a new thought, just a refigured thought.

I'm in the midst of a 40 day fast for lent.I'm three weeks in and I must say it's been a great experience and it's been something of a living hell. The idea of giving something up to spend more time with God has been great. I think over the long hall this fast will be very beneficial to my life. The hard part is for it to be beneficial is that in the process of this fast I feel like I'm being refined and redefined by fire. The first day of fasting I asked God for wisdom and guidance. What I didn't expect was that the wisdom and guidance would be about my character and who I am. Deep personal issues that have been around for years, that I've known about, but mostly ignored because... well they've been there for years. A month ago I scribbled on a piece of paper a statement that rang very true last night.

"There's a state of mind I need to leave, but the blankets warm and it fills a need."

That's where I am. In a place that's not good for me, but feels good. The problem with ingrained habits and thought patterns is because they've made a home it's not easy to just kick them out. To grow I know what I need to quit doing but the how isn't a clear cut answer. But I think an admittance is important and in the longer run I think my life will grow a lot more without these certain issues.

Now to that point (that was a long tangent). The thought that keeps coming back is it's ok to be radical. Which has me thinking... can one whom drinks, admits he's never going to have everything figured out, questions everything, swears when he gets mad, votes democrat, be a "radical" believer. And I think you can. I don't think we can't cross being perfect and being a follower of Christ. I know I've done some weird things for God but I think my life is pretty normal and I'm not a "weird Christian". And... I want to live with a passion to the things of God but I don't want to shelter myself and change who I am. I don't want to compromise my beliefs and convictions, even if they don't gel with other peoples.

Yup. There you have it.