Doubt Becomes the New Addiction

So I've been able to put off blogging for weeks now and the thought about writing has popped into my head several times but I've managed to find other ways to waste. I apologize to my reader. In this blog, probably some useless information, probably some deeps thoughts I've been dealing with, no info about the lady (sorry Steph).

I've really started to get back into record shopping. I've spent a lot of time (and money) at Joe's Record Paradise the past 2 weeks. I appreciate the store and they have a good collection and I always manage to find something awesome and something unexpected whenever I go in there. Good stuff. Go buy records.

I've reached a place in my life where I'm trying to figure out what it is I want to do with myself. God has given me desires and ambitions that I'd love to see come to fruition one day but having goals and ideas and reaching them are two different things. I think the struggle as of late has been trying to figure out what steps to take to try and see some of my goals come to life and just being able to trust that God has given me these desires and he has a way for me. Jeremiah 29 has been on my heart a lot lately. The reminder that God has good plans for me is where I'm trying to keep my head at and stay focused on and just a good reminder when I start to feel discouraged. Without really going into details I will say there will be a Friday night Backyard BBQ concert happening this summer. Perhaps multiple. Details forthcoming.

I've had some ear problems for the last week that have put me in a terrible mood and have really messed with my mind in a bad way and it's been discouraging and heart wrenching. It has brought out the worst in me and yet made me come to a place of admittance and repentance which I needed to come to. I think doubt can take over and make you over react and question God in a negative, hurtful way and I hit that low this afternoon while driving home in the rain. It brought me to tears and it brought me to an admittance of lacking in my life. Those moments of brokenness and honesty with God is where he speaks the most in my life. Which is how I'm sure it is with most people. I don't know why with God I spend so much time trying to defend and hide myself from him when he already knows everything and when I put my guard down is when he takes full advantage of my weakness. I don't want to live like that but I'm thankful for the moments when this happens and I hope to get to a point where my guard is always down with God.

So that's it. I'll post more... maybe.