Stress and such has caught up with me. I am home from work sick today. I'm not really of fan of being sick.

There's a line in the song "It's Hard Not to Shake..." by Zao that is hitting me in the head right now.

"I am not a prophet or a teacher. I am a failure of God."

This is how I feel right now. I'm down. Saturday night playing drums and worshiping was a great moment of grace and peace that I wish had stayed. It confirmed that I shouldn't quit the worship team. I wrote a song about 5 years ago called What are you waiting for and I said, "what are you waiting for (someone to hold me), what are you waiting for (someone to save me). I've been held, I've been saved... What am I waiting for?

Maybe I'm trying to hard. I'm pretty sure I'm not trying hard enough. I know I'm spending too much time trying to fix myself and work on myself instead of letting God come in a fix me. Why is it so hard to just accept grace and now that there is nothing I can do but God can change is reform me if I let him.

This is a song we played Saturday night. I love it.