The Lost Generation

I had a thought while walking to lunch today and figured I'd share.

I've been listening to a lot of Jay Bakker sermons lately. Going through the archives at http://www.revolutionnyc.com. I've added Jay to my rotation of preachers. The list is small and includes my home pastor Mark Batterson and Rick McKinley at Imago Dei in Portland. Not really similar at all but all in what I'd called the new generation church. Different thoughts but with a similar purpose and new focus and direction from, I guess the old school church way of thinking.

And so this is where my thoughts have traveled. I'm thinking about, what I guessed we'd just call the "emergent" church. And thinking back 10 years or so to my time in high school and where I went to church and my upbringing and how my life has been shaped. And I guess I think more about the culture of the church where I went to high school. I guess the demographic of people I went to church with had to do with the time, pop culture trends, and the area. But things have still seemed to have changed over the last 10 years.

I was very involved in the hardcore/punk rock scene in high school. I loved heavy metal. Loud, "rebellious" music. I wasn't really allowed to listen to "heavy" music in church or on missions trips or other youth group events. I tried once and it got pulled after 30 seconds because it sounds like demons and was devil music. (The band in question is Living Sacrifice, which makes me laugh that this was considered devil music).

I remember being considered a bad influence on certain friends. How it was a big deal that I had piercings and how christian guys shouldn't have earrings. It's not a stretch to say I stood out at youth group.

I will always remember trying to book a show for myself at the church I was attending. I was 18 and played acoustic guitar and sang. I remember the young adult pastor saying he liked my music and wanted to do it but the church didn't support what I was doing.

And I became bitter. There are a lot of issues I have with the christian church based off experiences from my high school and post high school years and from time on staff as a worship leader for the youth group.

I don't have all bad memories from youth group and high school and I am grateful for a lot of that time and the people who were there to help disciple and shape my life. And to them I will always be grateful. And my experiences have birthed goals and dreams in me that I wouldn't have without having been where I was.

But when I look around me know, there seems to be a more accepting attitude towards underground culture with current teenagers. And maybe that's because I can see a broader spectrum and don't have as limited a view point as I used to and have absorbed and witnessed more since leaving high school. And I'm glad to see people willing to let teens be teens and enjoy rock and roll and dress a certain way and just make their own choices about what they like and not label things as evil because they don't understand it. I love that. That's what I've hoped for. I'm glad to see it and I encourage openness in the church.

But part of me feels like there's a generation in our mid to upper 20's that have had to rethink the gospel they grew up on and have had a hard time coming to terms with a lot of new truths because their upbringing have ingrained so much into their heads and to come to a different understanding of truth, it's painful.

I have a deep struggle with my faith because there are things in my life that I have hold to mirror that is what a christian is "supposed" to look like. It's taken me years to just be honest with myself and shake off a lot of stuff that doesn't matter. I struggle with what a modern American christian looks like.

I've come to grips that I don't understand christianity looks like or how it's defined or manifests itself. I said a simple prayer one day. I said, God, all this shit that has weighed on me and tormented me aren't from you and don't matter.

I have a tattoo on my arm. It's Matthew 22:37-39

Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

I had to simplify my thinking down to these words of Jesus. Not that this is all that matters and all I live by but to have the great commandment as a center piece and something to strive for everyday. To not let theology and gray areas cloud my life. To love God completely and to love others unconditionally.

I still fail at this everyday. But I think the trying is worth something.