Clear the Air

My mind has been in transit the past couple of weeks. Not that this is a bad thing... It happens every couple of months and it's good for me because it normally means I refocus myself on where I stand with God and where my heart is. I think it's become less about theology (because my theology is ever shifting and ever changing) and more about my relationship with God and just the condition of the life I'm living.

I feel like the nature of life is will change things in your spiritual life. Because life just happens. I can wake up each day with a general idea of what's on tap but I don't know exactly how my day will fall and what will happen to me and how I'll react. And everything that happens is a chance to show to the love and grace of God. Every interaction is a chance to show a little bit of Jesus to someone. Every motion is opportunity to put your faith into action and step out and trust God. And I know personally, most of these moments and opportunities are squandered because of my lack of stepping out in faith or my lack of love.

And I know I've been very vocal in how Love is the driving force of my spiritual life and Christianity. And I don't think that's wrong and I think it's biblical... I know a lot of people would disagree with me in a lot of things and that's an area that I will probably always have to work on because I do enjoy arguing with people. But it's pointless and hurtful and doesn't do the church any good.

Jesus said people would know we are his followers by our love for one another, for fellow believers. There are people and pastors and church ideas that I don't like very much at all, but it shouldn't matter that much to me, because I don't attend these churches or spend much time around these people. But when I do there's no need to argue. I think love and finding a common ground are important. I understand I can be a bit radical... But that's what makes me me and if I wasn't radical then I would be another clone of someone else.

I struggled for a long time with trying to tame who I was. I struggled with the christianity I had grown up in. Who I was and what I believed and how I lived didn't match up with the Christianity that I knew from growing up. And not to say anything bad about my childhood and teens years. I love my parents. My parents did a great job raising me and I thank God every day for my family. And there were people in the youth group I went to that were very encouraging and were ok with challenging what was being taught and were ok with asking questions. I think that without how I grew up I would never have gotten to this place in my life.

But having said that, it took along time for me to come to a place of being comfortable and ok with who I was. Because I always felt that even though I was living my life one way and believed certain things, that one day I'd have to come full circle and I'd have to fit into this certain mold to be a "real" christian. I remember praying one day and just feeling that weight lift from my shoulders. It was like God was saying, It's ok to be who you are and you don't have to worry any longer about all this other stuff. And I just remember laughing and crying and being so relieved. And it's been good because I don't worry about what I'm not, which helps me focus on what I am and how I can be more like God, more like Jesus.

And that where life happens and changes things still. Because there are still things that I always associate with being a christian, and some of those things have changed. I don't want to say that my theology or convictions change as a way to justify sinning. There are still black and whites and things that the bible says are wrong but there are a lot of grays... and a lot of things that because of the context of when and how things are written that you can't just say this is this. I believe people pick and choose the Old Testament and the Old covenant laws to fit there beliefs and to prove their points. You can't say this verse in Leviticus is still relevant but the one under it isn't. We would all agree you can't stone your neighbor to death.

And that's what makes meaningful conversation with others so great. Because me and my friends can sit and talk for hours and not always agree about our theology or beliefs... And that's alright. Wisdom and doctrine and theology aren't a part of the fruit of the spirit. It goes back they will know us by our Love. And my goal in life is to be better at Loving people.