Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Embracing Where You Are

When we were deciding to move to Philadelphia, it was a struggle for me to get on board. For five years before, during nine months of pregnancy and four months of maternity leave, I (and later Amanda) had been praying for full-time employment so I'd be the breadwinner and she would be able to stay at home with Emily. Moving to Philly meant a pretty definitive "no" answer to those prayers.

Plus, we love the DC area. Our best friends (most of them) were there. I was playing guitar in a band again. And we LOVED our church community! There was a lot of talk about family and being a body and community that would raise kids together. It was tough leaving that.

But we did. And we now live in Philadelphia and there's no changing that.

As I was cleaning our old house in Virginia and praying this past weekend I felt conflicted. Because I still don't understand why God called us to leave in the way that he did. But I feel unburdened in Philadelphia. I'm not agonizing with God over His seeming unwillingness to answer a prayer for me I watched him answer countless times for friends of mine. I'm not feeling bitter about the situation we're in. I'm just enjoying learning more about God. I'm enjoying being home with Emily and our new neighborhood. I'm trying to get back into some more creative things. I've lost weight!

But it could've been different. I could have grown more bitter. I could be constantly questioning God. I could keep praying the prayers I've prayed for years and let disappointment and discouragement and anger rule my life.

We're always waiting for something. A job, marriage, children, retirement, new homes, etc. And we can enjoy the journey and the waiting or be bitter, constantly asking God "Why not yet?" The why questions should be asked. And there is a time and place to bare your heart and soul and grapple with God. But sometimes you need to let go and enjoy the present moment.

There's going to come a season when I'll get back on the horse and be on the job hunt again. But who knows what I'll miss if I stress about that now.

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