When you've been praying for something for a while, or maybe even not all that long, you hit various stages in the waiting for answer. Not quite the seven stages of grief, but I imagine there are certain emotions that overlap.
People speak into your life. "God has big plans for you." You believe it. You pray specifically, you pray vague prayers, you pray long prayers, desperate prayers, hopeless prayers. You go from knowing that God will act on your behalf to thinking God is not going to help you. I've had moments where I've felt so close to God and knew that he was on my side and would answer my request, to feeling like God did not have my back, to just having to put myself aside and trust God, even when I don't feel like it.
God is God and God is good and faithful, even in the little things. But what about when our expectations aren't met? What do you do when you're underwhelmed by the answers to prayers? How do we manage realistic expectations while maintaining the faith that God can do more than we ask or imagine, without being disappointed when he doesn't.
I prayed and prayed that God would open a door (and job) so I'd be able to ask Amanda to marry me by October of that year. Doors looked like God was making a way, and then they'd shut. Lots of silence, and then a door opened. A part-time job with no growth potential (that would ultimately only last just over a year). It was enough for me to realize that God had opened the door, right at the beginning of October. It wasn't what I would have chosen for a job at the time, but it was God's provision and it was just enough, and I was thankful.
With baby girl on the way super soon, I feel like it's crunch time again. I've done everything in my power to control my job situation and it's going to take a miracle from God, which is what God does. So the pressure should be off me, right? We all know that doesn't really work. I'm stressed and worried. My wonderful wife is not (at least not outwardly to me). I would like for God to show up in a huge way, whether that's an unexpected job, a new direction, or a salary that would allow Amanda to stay home with baby girl. We've planned for the reality that this might not happen and she'll have to go back to work. I want God to show off, but I also want to make sure my heart is prepared to give him praise and be thankful, even if I'm "disappointed" in the answer.
My brother's had a dream to be a youth pastor for at least a decade. This is a dream still unfulfilled. I think my brother's been treated pretty unfairly and cast aside in a lot of situations where I think he should have been the clear cut candidate to fill a position, or at least had a real fair shot and not just cast aside as a nuisance. My brother's been interviewed for another full-time position that has nothing to do with youth ministry. It would be a great opportunity that would allow him to move on into other areas of life and fulfill other dreams, but... It's not the desire of his heart. Is it a stepping stone into something new and exciting God has for him? Is it a distraction? Will he even get the job? I don't know, but I imagine, even in the excitement for an answer to a prayer, there will be a hint of disappointment and unfulfillment in there.
So how do we trust God to come through in a big way, but still be thankful and grateful when he comes through in a small or just enough way?
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