Fields Of Grace

"And I started to wonder if He (God) had been with me all the time and I just hadn't allowed myself to see the beauty and breadth of His reach because of the narrow lens I had been given through which to see Him." - Hannah Luce

I read Fields of Grace last week while on vacation. It was an easy and compelling read. I picked it up on  a whim because it looked interesting enough. I think if I had done more than look at the cover of the book I would've passed by it. If I had seen it was written by Ron Luce's daughter, I might have ignored it. I'm glad I didn't. 

I'm not sure I've ever read a book where I've thought "holy sh!t" as much as I did while reading Fields of Grace. Part because Hannah's story and personal tragedy is heartbreaking and at times hard to read. Mostly because some of her life experiences make me wince and I find it hard to believe that anyone would think books by CS Lewis and Donal Miller to be rebellious and not good for a christian teen to read. 

I think Hannah's experience and where her relationship with God went represents a lot of people I know. Some have walked away from their faith and some have just expanded and shifted their view of God. It's interesting to hear someone who was their and in the trenches of Teen Mania talk about questioning God and having to figure out what she believes. And I don't have any hard feelings for Ron and his ministry. My life was deeply impacted by Teen Mania and Acquire the Fire is where I rededicated my life to God. But I also know that Ron and me wouldn't see eye to eye on everything if we sat down today. 

Hannah didn't "hear" God. She felt abandoned and alone. Because she didn't feel and connect with things the way her parents and those around her did, she felt lost. And I relate. Because I was there. It's a struggle I think a lot of people my age have felt. What do we do when our perception of what God is doesn't match up with our convictions and what we see? It was a struggle of mine and I related to Hannah's struggle. 

I also enjoy that the book doesn't end with any sort of declaration. Yes, the book is more about her struggle and the tragic plane crash in which she was the lone survivor. But it would've been an easy and a nice happy ending to have Fields of Grace end with Hannah talking about how she's come back to God and has clarity and life is awesome and her relationship with God is perfect. But it doesn't...

And I love that! What we get is a girl who no longer needs painkillers and alcohol to help numb her pain and grief and is finally able to just be comfortable in her new skin and with her scars. She's still trying to figure out the role that faith and God play in her life and what both of those look like. And I appreciate that. Because it's real. 

It's not a conventional happy ending but it's a resolution that leaves you feeling satisfied and not cheated. 

Fields Of Grace is a great read and I think a lot of people will connect to Hannah and her (spiritual) struggles. She's relatable. And her story is both heartbreaking and inspiring. There is hope....